Catchment

Hi all,

I've posted a bit here a while ago, now I'm back, although I can't say for sure exactly why. I am a senior college student and almost daily drinker, usually consuming about 7 beers / night, sometimes fewer if I have something really important the next day. I have been a 'regular' drinker since I was about 20.

I still function though. My grades have not declined at all since I started, I haven't had any real legal or health problems. So it's hard for me to really get motivated to stop, considering it's something I still enjoy. The fact that I am also very 'in' to beer, with a special fondness for complex microbrews, doesn't help. I never have the desire to drink anything other than beer, and I think my love for the different styles makes it that much harder to abstain altogether--the taste of it, and the fun of creating my own recipes, is this whole other pleasure above and beyond the buzz I feel.

Anyway I'd imagine that is a topic that gets covered a bit here, though probably more often with wine than with craft beers. My real question is about finding a way to break the routine. I never have the desire to drink during the day. But at night, when it gets right up to about 9-10 pm, the thought enters my head that I worked hard during the day, and still have a couple hours before sleep, and I just think 'why not'. I have also noticed that when I don't drink for a day or two, that 'why not' feeling is coupled with a physical anxiety, like an adrenaline feeling in my chest, and I find myself really needing the beer to feel 'normal'. I know that's a big red flag.

I know I have a lot of triggers as well. I have a pretty boring life, where every night (even most weekends) is virtually the same for me: Typing away at a certain addicting internet forum, watching reruns of the same show on TV, playing the same computer game, and talking to my girlfriend on Messenger (we are in a long distance relationship, and I always duck away from the webcam in order to take sips of the beer without her seeing it). Each of those nightly activities is a trigger I think. But the thing is, I don't really know what else I can 'do' at this time of the night when most things are closed and the only friend who I really ever hang out with is probably drinking or smoking weed anyway. I also really feel 'bound' to talk to my girlfriend every night, though not in a bad way. She is great and I do miss her during the day and look forward to talking to her at night. It's just sort of an added complication that makes me a little less free to go 'do' something else--although I don't know what I would do anyway.

But today I was reading about the need to change the routine, that you can't expect to get different results by doing the same thing, and I think that is true for me. I feel like as long as I sit in my room every night, doing the same activities, the desire to drink will be there. I always go into a drinking session with the belief that it will be exciting, like an adventure, an escape to a different universe where my usual activities magically become more fresh and interesting--that rerun is more funny, that game is more engaging, my girlfriend is more entertaining to talk to, and the food I eat tastes better. And the b*tch of it is, I'm usually right. Not always, but most of the time I really do feel more satisfied and entertained by my activities if I have some beer in me (although once I told a psychologist that alcohol makes things seem more interesting and he told me that this was very unusual?)

So really I don't have much guilt while I'm drinking at night, but as soon as I wake up in the morning I do. I know I'm doing damage to myself, I hate waking up in the morning feeling bad, and I know I'm going down a bad road that will only get worse. But all of those negative things I associate with drinking disappear at 9 pm, with the triggers and the excitement of the possibility that my lame life can turn interesting with a few sips of a delicious treat.

I need to change my routine, change my life. In 2 months I will graduate then hopefully get a job, move to another city, and possibly live with my girlfriend, and then my life will be a lot different than it has been for the past 4 years. But I know every day I put off the change, the harder it will be when I do quit. So what can I do to change my life now?

(Sorry for rambling...any comments on any part of that will be appreciated though.)

doggonecarl

You sound like me...I stuck to the same routine, drank beer every night. The difference was my drinking continued for 35 years! You're 21 and already feel the "need" to drink. Maybe you can moderate. I tried and succeeded, I thought, for years. But the drinking caught up with me. And if you have a problem with alcohol, you may have the same problem controlling it.

As for changing my routine, the only thing I changed was the drinking. I quit. The rest of my life is pretty much the same. One exception--I have avoided any activity that has alcohol as a main ingredient: bars, parties, concerts, etc. When I'm strong in my sobriety, maybe I'll attend a concert, but not until.

Good luck.

artsoul

Hi Catchment - your story sounds so familiar..... the excitement of drinking, the feeling the next day, the sense that alcohol makes things better, the daily routine......

If you are in the early stages of alcoholism, you're right that it will only get worse. Anything over 2-3 drinks/day is unhealthy and will catch up with you. Just as bad is how alcohol affects our thinking/behavior. I found that I kept myself "content" with the bare minimum and same-old-same-old life. People who aren't alcoholics get up and get busy when they're bored, ya know? I drank to be content with lots of things when the truth is I needed to deal with them.

The first step is getting sober, obviously...... I had to do it one day at a time (it was too much to think about "forever"). We usually need help to quit, so think about what you can do each day to reaffirm your sobriety.

Then you can think about what to do....... even slight changes (getting a new video game, for example) can be helpful. In time, I found that I could do the same things sober that I did while drinking and actually enjoy them more, but also found that some things I lost interest in because it was just an excuse to drink........

There's all kinds of reasons to quit drinking..........and they're all good ones!

FrothyJay

Have you thought about trying an AA meeting? One, you may find a way to determine if you are an alcoholic or not (I don't know if that's clear for you), and two, it breaks up the routine.

No one's going to force you to sign a one-year contract if you go. Show up at an open meeting, tell people you're not sure, and you want to talk it through with someone.

Dee74

Hi Catchment

Welcome

Alcoholism, at least how I experienced it, is progressive....

I knew for a long time was drinking wasn't healthy...but it didn't affect my outward life too much so I kept going...I'd do things like talking sly sips of beer too out of sight of my gf, or have a coke with some spirits hidden in it....but my grades were good, all was well and hey if I occasionally messed myself up, in my defence everyone else was pretty messed up too....

Eventually of course it did affect my outward life and appearance - but the slip was so incremental and gradual that I never noticed until it was too late...and by that time I was hooked.

I really advise you to look at this now. Try to stop drinking (always a good idea to see your Dr first) and think about a support system...SR works for some, some need face to face support as well like AA or some other recovery group, or counselling.

You already know it's a problem - my advice is don't wait til everyone else knows it's a problem too.

D