Lipitor

I cannot keep doing this anymore. Im now on a bottle of vodka and one bottle of wine per day . It all ramped up after being diagnosed with cancer in march last year. Im still running my business, but only just. I have now started drinking at 3 pm instead of the usual 6 or 7 pm. I dont start work until 10 .

Ive been to aa meetings but dont seem to fit in.

I have these amazing plans each morning to not drink that night, but by 2 pm they are out the window and Im looking to retreat into the blurred world again.

I feel like the alcohol is tricking my mind and I cannot get past that lie.

L

reggiewayne

Welcome Lipitor. I'm sorry you're struggling. I have been where you are in terms of planning on not drinking then when the clock rolls around to my "drinking time" caving in and getting drunk. I think most of us here have experienced that. I would just suggest going to another meeting. If you are having withdrawl symptoms (I'm sure someone will post a link on what those are) see a Dr.

What you seem to be going though is a mental obsession (the pre-occupation with the first drink) followed by a physical craving (the loss of control of the amount you drink). That my friend is alcoholism. I have it to. The first thing to do is to get detoxed. Some are able to do it on their own and others require supervision. I wish you the best. Keep coming back here, we can all get better!!!

Draciack

Hi Lipitor Welcome to SR

There are a lot of recovery programs other than AA - either way you'll find a lot of support here. Recovery from alcoholism was a struggle for me initially but it's one that has paid off every day since I quit drinking.

Welcome!

Lipitor

I did not know there was other recovery options. Thank you . would you mind advising me of what they are ??

Thanks so much

L

Lipitor

Thanks so much for the quick replies. Im so scared that I will die soon . Guilt, anxiety and shame. all mixed together . Im so tired of hiding bottles, driving to work, putting them in public bins, having a "token" drink on the coffee table which i barely touch , while sneaking out to the kitchen to pretend to get an orange juice which I half fill with vodka first

reggiewayne

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-point.html

Read the above post. It was written by me 4 months ago. I am no longer that guy. I was miserable. You can get better man!!!!

Lipitor

My Goodness. I know "exactly" how you felt then, It is how I feel "now" !!!!!

thank you for taking the time to find that link for me.

It is the most enigmatic feeling, The feeling that I will "lose" something if I stop drinking.

Dee74

Welcome lipitor

Some good advice here- especially about the Dr

Here's some links to some of the main recovery players

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

welcome
D

Reset

You're not alone there; I bet most of us used to feel that way.

stephnc

Lipitor, welcome to SR and I'm sure I speak for tons of us here when I say you'll find lots of support and encouragement here. I'd second the opinion to try a few more meetings...they might not end up being your thing but in the meantime they can't hurt and you'll find people (f2f) who can relate to what you're going through. Try to stick around and talk to some folks after the meeting - I found the one-on-one support invaluable when I first started AA.

Hang in there, keep posting here, and let us help you. You're going to be ok.

Many hugs, Stephanie

Inafishbowl

Liptor, all AA meetings are different. Keep trying different ones until you find a group you relate to. I felt an immediate peace and kinship with one of my groups in particular. They have already helped me so much. I am not yet 3 weeks sober.
Welcome and keep posting.

FrothyJay

Welcome Lipitor.

Very few of us felt like we fit in at AA in the beginning. It's a normal way to feel. Hell, the truth is, we don't feel like we fit in with a bunch of people not drinking!

Certainly look around at the options available to you. AA is a spiritual (not religious) program of recovery. There's no definition of God you need to subscribe to. There is, though, a reliance on some power other than ourselves to keep from drinking. That power can and should be of your own conception-- whether it's a conventional God, or Mother Nature, or Aquaman-- it doesn't really matter. I discovered that when I did the work of the steps-- cleaning up the past and making amends to those I had harmed-- I found that power very quietly, and now I don't drink anymore, nor do I crave it.

Look, I know it sounds a bit over-the-top. I write the words and think, "Wow, you sound a few fries short of a happy meal." But I was desperate-- I could not stop drinking. I made those same promises each morning, and I'm absolutely certain that if you had given me a lie detector test, I would have passed it-- I was not lying. But as the day went on-- I changed my mind. That's alcoholic insanity, and I could not overcome it on my own.

Best of luck to you--

CarolD

I hope your cancer treatments are as sccessful as mine were
My doctor was pleased to know I was a non drinker ..that was
something he suggested I do to get the best possible results...

My cyber Knive treatments were done last June...
done.pronoses excelent
I am now a lung cancer survivor.

Have you considered a medical de tox? because of the large ammounts
you are currently drinking ....I strongly suggest you do.


Welcome to our recovery community...

Kmber2010

Welcome Lipitor and glad you are with us.

Good input in this thread and different support options available. I had underlying issues that existed prior to drinking and I was a mess when I first got sober. For me.....I use SR and have counseling and it has been tremendous for me.

Whatever you choose to do for support.....work it 100% and focus on you.

Looking forward to the journey and I also was someone who would race to guzzle down the booze in the kitchen when no one was looking so what appeared to be 3/4 drinks actually was about 9/10.

We can change and start our new lives. People here are doing it

least

Welcome to the family.

Kjell

Hi Lip-

It sounds like you may be powerless over alcohol. If this is true, than you are one of millions.

There are many options for recovery, but understand that you may have to do some things you don't like in order to get sober.

You did an AWESOME job coming on here and asking for help. There is power in admitting a problem and then asking for help.

Be easy on yourself. You'll have plenty of time to think this all out. I would advise going full-speed-ahead in any sort of recovery program immediatly. Why waste time? Your luck may run out and probably will at some point.

I'm an AA'er and it's worked for me, but I'm not special. It can work for you too.

Kjell

Lipitor

Thank you very much.....Well last night was not perfect but for the first time in a long time I did not touch the Vodka, I had one bottle of white wine.
I feel like superman today , Happy , calmer and my goodness.. I still drank a whole bottle of wine albiet,,,insomnia was quite prevelant "all night" . I went to see a movie this morning and enjoyed it calmly ....I was thinking, "how much better could this calm feeling be if only after one day of no vodka , if it is extended into 5 days, 50 days, 5 years.. Im hoping what im seeing is a little light at the end of the tunnel..

Just a glimmer..

L

LexieCat

Drinking wine instead of vodka isn't likely to be the light at the end of the tunnel--unless you count oncoming locomotives.

Lipitor

Thanks Lexie... I was drinking one full bottle of vodka , one bottle of wine and assorted other dregs "every night" .
I guess for day one, it was a huge step forward for me or at least I felt like it was ...just one bottle of wine. Actually it was a monumental step for me to just put down the vodka.

I intend to leave it down tonight also and just stick with a bottle of white wine.

Ive never tried cutting down before which seems hard enough. I normally went cold turkey and lasted about three hours from the time I got home.. Last night "worked" for me . It was great ..

Thanks again for your reply

L

reggiewayne

yeah Lip - I agree with Lexicat. I AM THRILLED YOU FEEL BETTER. I am not trying to be like that impossible to please person who is always pointing out things wrong. But, it's my experience that replacing one type of booze for another, ultimately, doesn't work.

Again, I'm very happy you're feeling better, but the odds of staying in this perfect state of drunk, but not to drunk is almost impossible for an alcoholic to maintain. It's basically a science experiment. You're trying to pour just enough booze in to not be miserable, and as little as possible as to not feel like crap the next day. I've tried that many, many, many times. It might work for a day or two, but inevitably I would have one of my favorite "*** it" moments and drink like I really wanted to.

For me, the only answer (as much as it sucked to accept) is to simply not drink. I can PROMISE you I do not regret quitting in any way. I can also assure you that I am no different than you in terms of the mental obsession with booze. I was literally ALWAYS thinking of alcohol. Either planning to drink, planning to not drink, or hungover badly.