I feel gross.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 176
I feel gross.
I've been trying to quit drinking again. I've been going to meetings, meeting other people with sobriety, bought all the AA books, etc. Haven't really started working the steps yet or found a sponsor, but want to do so soon. Maybe this week.
My drinking has been better, but I'm still drinking. Last night though I got drunk for the first time since I decided to try again. TOday I woke up to a nasty hangover and feel like a loser. It didn't help that my fiance was yelling at me, calling me a loser because I drank. He says it's disgusting that I go to meetings and I was drunk last night... that I'm a fraud, a piece of ****. Maybe he's right but I still really hate him right now for being so cruel. The messed up thing is, if I never attempted to quit drinking, he wouldn't have cared that I was drunk last night! It's the fact that I want to better myself and get sober but am struggling that's so reprehensible to him.
I know I need to focus on myself to get better, not on his negativity, but I just wanted to vent about that.
I've decided that I'm not going to give up this time. The misery I feel from drinking last night just reinforces to me that I need to get better. I'm still going to go to meetings. I refuse to give up on myself like I always have in the past.
I have to get ready for work now, but thanks for listening.
My drinking has been better, but I'm still drinking. Last night though I got drunk for the first time since I decided to try again. TOday I woke up to a nasty hangover and feel like a loser. It didn't help that my fiance was yelling at me, calling me a loser because I drank. He says it's disgusting that I go to meetings and I was drunk last night... that I'm a fraud, a piece of ****. Maybe he's right but I still really hate him right now for being so cruel. The messed up thing is, if I never attempted to quit drinking, he wouldn't have cared that I was drunk last night! It's the fact that I want to better myself and get sober but am struggling that's so reprehensible to him.
I know I need to focus on myself to get better, not on his negativity, but I just wanted to vent about that.
I've decided that I'm not going to give up this time. The misery I feel from drinking last night just reinforces to me that I need to get better. I'm still going to go to meetings. I refuse to give up on myself like I always have in the past.
I have to get ready for work now, but thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Aurora - You are not gross, you are sick. It takes
what it takes and please don't give up on yourself.
I have beat myself up and relapsed a zillion times
in the last four and a half years. Can't tell you
how many day ones I have had and how many times
I've given up and decided I'm going to die a drunk
and that is that. I have three weeks today and it
is by the grace of a higher power that I have
been able to maintain this. Three weeks of
one day at a times. I honestly thought I was
incapable. Over the years the most I had gone
is forty days in a row all on my own willpower.
I think I finally got my way wouldn't work.
Yes, I even had 12 years sober at one time.
That ended in 1998 and I haven't put together
time since.
Do not give up on yourself. You can do this.
Keep going to your meetings. Keep reaching out.
Keep coming here. I'll be thinking about you.
Sending you positive energy. I'll even try prayers
and believe me that is a tough one for me, as I
don't get that at all. But it is what I believe I have to
do so this time, I'm going to learn how.
Take care.
what it takes and please don't give up on yourself.
I have beat myself up and relapsed a zillion times
in the last four and a half years. Can't tell you
how many day ones I have had and how many times
I've given up and decided I'm going to die a drunk
and that is that. I have three weeks today and it
is by the grace of a higher power that I have
been able to maintain this. Three weeks of
one day at a times. I honestly thought I was
incapable. Over the years the most I had gone
is forty days in a row all on my own willpower.
I think I finally got my way wouldn't work.
Yes, I even had 12 years sober at one time.
That ended in 1998 and I haven't put together
time since.
Do not give up on yourself. You can do this.
Keep going to your meetings. Keep reaching out.
Keep coming here. I'll be thinking about you.
Sending you positive energy. I'll even try prayers
and believe me that is a tough one for me, as I
don't get that at all. But it is what I believe I have to
do so this time, I'm going to learn how.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
"The only requirement for AA memebership is the DESIRE to stop drinking". You are not a fraud, you are an alcoholic. Untreated alcoholism leads to drinking almost every time. Just keep going to meetings, check out this site tonight, Welcome to Silkworth.net -Alcoholics Anonymous . . . experience the history . . . lest we forget! It has a ton of AA related material. His opinion of you had no bearing on who you are. I'm sorry he said some mean things and someday you can address them if you want.
I would try and get to a meeting tonight if you can! You can get better. It just takes time and effort. By going to AA meetings and participating in this site you are definitely showing your willingness. That's half the battle. Be safe and have a great night!
I would try and get to a meeting tonight if you can! You can get better. It just takes time and effort. By going to AA meetings and participating in this site you are definitely showing your willingness. That's half the battle. Be safe and have a great night!
EntertheSticks
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 139
It sounds to me that you are involved in a borderline abusive relationship. Speaking to people in that way is completely unacceptable, and may be a sign of future treatment once you finally are married.
I hope I am wrong... but there is no excuse to treat you that way. If you did some terrible things It would be more understandable, but it sounds to me that you are just being beaten down because you didn't succeed at something.
Someone being negative, hurtful, and cruel is the last thing a person in recovery needs. Tough love is one thing.... but this doesnt appear to be tough love.
I hope I am wrong... but there is no excuse to treat you that way. If you did some terrible things It would be more understandable, but it sounds to me that you are just being beaten down because you didn't succeed at something.
Someone being negative, hurtful, and cruel is the last thing a person in recovery needs. Tough love is one thing.... but this doesnt appear to be tough love.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: The "beltway"
Posts: 785
Hi Aurora, hope the situation improves.
SR can bring you support but I think you will also get a stern (but more respectful) message to cut the alcohol out. I don't think anyone here would say one's drinking can ever be "better". Let's work together to make it no drinking.
SR can bring you support but I think you will also get a stern (but more respectful) message to cut the alcohol out. I don't think anyone here would say one's drinking can ever be "better". Let's work together to make it no drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Noone is a loser or whatever because they drink - especially when they're at least making an effort to quit.
Think about what you need to add Aurora - if it's the steps and a sponsor, then don;t delay
I'm sorry for the lack of support at home.
It may be your partner thinks he's helping motivate you marine style or something, but calling someone a piece of ****' is not helpful and downright abusive to me.
D
Think about what you need to add Aurora - if it's the steps and a sponsor, then don;t delay
I'm sorry for the lack of support at home.
It may be your partner thinks he's helping motivate you marine style or something, but calling someone a piece of ****' is not helpful and downright abusive to me.
D
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