MemphisBlues

...and I guess he wasn't there. Not tonight. No one came up to me after the meeting, and those who did didn't offer. I shared a bit tonight. Said last week I thought I was stuck between step three and four. Tonight I said I realized I was still at Step One.

I said I was an Alcoholic. I explained that at previous meetings, I said I was an alcoholic and an addict. Tonight, just that I was an alcoholic, and in sharing, explained my drug use, my dependence on tranquilizers, my withdrawal from tranquilizers, and the subsequent 10-day psych ward stay.

I said I was putting my self back at the first step, that people on this site told me they were called steps for a reason, not just topics.

I'm chalking this up to my Higher Power teaching me a lesson, showing me that even though I'm approaching five months of sobriety -- check that, five months of not using -- that I had to get the steps right this time. That i had to be ready.

I'm putting faith in God that tonight the right person wasn't there at the right time. That even a temporary sponsor is an important step for me, and just as important a step for the person that's right for the job.

I was hoping that that person would help me get to a meeting every night this week -- transportation is an issue where I'm at -- but I'll just hang tough until this group meets again on Thursday. And I'll put it out there again, hoping my Higher Power thinks I am ready, and that someone's Higher Power thinks they are the one to help me.

And tonight I will not drink.

I'll read the BB. And drink iced-tea like an alcoholic, smoke cigarettes like an alcoholic, and pray like an alcoholic.

laurie6781

Sounds like some excellent progress and ACCEPTANCE to me.

Keep up the good work.

No one told me this would be easy, and it wasn't that first year. It was a lot of HARD WORK on my part, Work I didn't know I was capable of any more, because of all the booze, but dang the rewards that I started to see in 'small ways' made it so worthwhile!

Sending good thoughts and prayers that you find that Temporary Sponsor.

Love and hugs,

FrothyJay

My experience is that typically when someone asks for a sponsor, they get a bunch of people who come forward. Sponsee collectors. People who enjoy having newcomers around because they can't and won't challenge the slogan-addled, self-help tripe they are spewing.

When you ask for a sponsor to help you work the steps, you'll often get the sound of crickets. Sounds like your experience. The fact that no one approached you confirms that you are likely further along in your recovery (regardless of your sober time) then the rest of the folks in the meeting.

Yeah, I sometimes get a bit opinionated. Humor me.

Not sure what your meeting options are in the Philipines. I'm guessing there aren't a ton of them.

Happy to help long distance as I can.

MemphisBlues

Hey, FJ

Thanks, man. Needed that. I'm just accepting it for what it is. I made it pretty clear I was going to work the steps, and that was the type of assistance I was looking for.

Actually, there are quite a few meetings here, and they're all in English (try finding one in Tagalog in the states), and transportation is only an issue due to finances -- for a few days. There's plenty of expats at the meeting, and, no surprise, they tend to dominate the meetings.

The guy I had coffee with the other night wasn't there (Filipino), so, again, I'm just chalking this up to my Higher Power being in charge.

I know I'm not, and when I think I am, I've learned to run. Home. Read the BB.

Five months ago, tonight would have sent me into a tailspin. Tonight, it just furthers my resolve.

Thanks for the encouragement.

joedris

If I were you I'd start to look around for other meetings. The one you're going to doesn't seem like it's doing you much good if no one's willing to help you.