stephanie119

Ok...the good news is that I just posted to the gratitude forum for the second night in a row, and I think it is quite simply a great way to end the day...in a state of positive reflection. But I must admit, I REALLY wanted a glass of wine for a bit tonight. I could tell that my brain was obsessing and looping, because it kept playing that familiar tune that goes something like this.."can you really envision a life in which you never, ever, ever have a drink again? What about a glass of wine with friends? You will miss that so much...you will be the only one not enjoying that wonderful taste and sense of relaxation. Everyone drinks...you'll be such a weirdo. Should you really have to deprive yourself altogether?". Now I know this is all B.S. But I could really use some advice/encouragement. I'm still really new to this...only days in. Thanks!

oakleaf82

Just keep reading until the feeling passes. NOT everyone drinks.

Don't you hate that stupid voice?

ButterflyDreams

I totally understand what you are saying. I say this to myself all the time. I try to see myself one year from now. I don't want that glass in my hand.

I am hoping it's the same as what happen when I quit smoking. I used to think that I couldn't live without smoking. Well...I quit 28 years ago and wouldn't think of putting a cigarette in my mouth. I am hoping that I will feel the way way about wine.

Don't give up!

coffeenut

REALLY wanting a glass of wine.....and coming on SR and posting about it....I'd say that's a show of strength! You are making good choices! Glad you are here.

Butterfly: I like that analogy about a cigarette...never thought of it that way before. Thanks!

Ghostly

That thing that is repeated again and again...it really has helped many...maybe it will help you: One day at a time.

I like the cigarette analogy too.

You're doin great Stephanie. Hang in there.

SSIL75

You are doing great!

I guess it depends on your social circle but man. Nobody drinks like I thought they did! Even NYE I was at a friends house. 4 of us (+ kids). Sure I was the most sober (totally sober) but nobody was plastered. I thought everyone would be! And often I see people out at dinner drinking coke. People really don't drink that much. In my life, anyway (with noted exceptions).

re: obsessing - I hear the voice but identify it was my alcoholic voice. Not real!! Did you check out Rational Recovery's AVRT? It's a great tool.

And think the drink through. I do NOT want a drink. I was EIGHT drinks. And after 8 drinks then tomorrow I'll want more because I'm hungover!!

reggiewayne

Hi Steph. Funny you bring this up. I was finishing up dishes tonight and I said to my wife, "the thought of NEVER having another drink is mind boggling"... The fact is that is true. BUT, if I just take the approach that I'm just not going to drink today it's much more manageable... I know that statement is used all of the time, but it's also true. I may die tomorrow, who knows... There is no sense in worrying about days that aren't even here. Slow and steady, one day at a time, we all can beat this. Hang in there girl!

Reubena

I so agree with this... One bottle of wine was never enough.

I think what you are feeling is so normal right now Stephanie. It does get better. What got me through the first 6 weeks mainly was when I had a craving, I would try very hard to think about all the bad things about wine:
headaches, embarrassments, makes me very tired, I say things I don't mean or want to, hangovers, can't take care of my kids when I'm drunk, etc., etc.

I substituted sparkling water in a can (Kroger brand is cheap, 12 cans for $2) for wine and learned to really like it. I also liked to compare my future as a wino vs my future as an intelligent, caring, productive and motivated member of society.

Somehow I got through those first 6 weeks. I still have the occasional trigger/craving, (at 9 months sober) but I feel like I have good recovery tools to get me out of my funk. And I read SR a lot!

Hang in there.... Keep racking up those sober days, one day at a time.

pascal

I like your post. I am on day 60 today and have found honesty is key in recovery.

Something you wrote stuck with me, "Everyone drinks...you'll be such a weirdo." I felt the same way until I started looking around. There are LOTS of people who don't drink. Similarly, I noticed that of those who do drink most do not drink like I did - one drink after another. Lastly, over the last two months I have had many people make little comments about changes in me. Two, who were unaware of my alcoholism, have asked me how they can become a non-drinker like me. So, all this to say that you are not some weirdo - you are normal not to drink and an good example to the rest of us.

ReadyAndAble

Stephanie, I get that feeling sometimes too. But for me, the idea of just sharing a drink with friends over conversation is a bit of a fantasy. The reality is once I had a sip, I'd be racing along to my next drink, and the one after that... or at best fighting some internal battle trying to control the urges, not even really hearing or caring what anyone is saying... My reality just was not at all like the happy little scene that sometimes plays out in my mind.

Some people do just get together for "a drink", and sometimes I envy them, but I also accept that I can never be one of them. I'm pretty OK with that, actually. I can still hang out with them and enjoy the same conversation with an iced tea. And now it's really about friends and conversation, not alcohol!

Triskal

I come from a family of alcoholics that drink/drank like me daily to the point of being stupid, to me that is not normal and far from it. I will take being sober and odd anyday...Grateful to be sober!

Toronto68

What about the idea that you could have been drinking in order to feel normal? Maybe you can remind yourself of that when it feels like you are on the way to being a "weirdo."

LiveLikeGold6

My old sponsor used to tell me to play the tape. How will you feel tomorrow if you drink today? Better? Grateful? Relieved? Chances are none of the above, if you're like me.

Anna

It really helped me to learn that my feelings were just feelings and that they didn't have control of me. I could feel them, acknowledge them and let them go.

stephanie119

Everyone here is right, and I am grateful to all of you for posting. I was actually excited to turn on my computer this afternoon, because I just knew I would receive some great advice from you guys. I woke up this morning (after an awful night's sleep and the weirdest dreams), and still felt 10X better than I normally would have. After exercising at the gym today, I sat looking out the window at a tree and asked myself how I would have felt if I had indulged in wine last night. And the answer is this...completely lethargic and unmotivated to do anything with or for anyone, lazy (never would have worked out), guilty, pissed, ashamed, hungry for crappy food with high fat content and no nutritional value, depressed and ugly! And all because one glass of wine really would have been two bottles, which inevitably gets paired with a pack of smokes (which I do not do at all sober). Hah! I think I made the right choice....imagine that! It's been awhile! And you guys are right....those people I see out having a glass of wine with dinner are probably not going home to drink a bottle more. I would! And virgin drinks can be fun, too. Comments regarding social drinking were dead on...it did become more about the drinking than the socializing for me. I remember a couple of times when I was out talking with a friend and I knew they were done drinking...my mind was on getting home and getting another glass of wine and a cigarette (always hid my smoking from most). I wasn't even enjoying myself anymore! The people I do know who tend to be "drinkers" also walk around with hangovers...which I never want to have again. Did I drink to feel "normal"? In many ways, I think I did. What a shame. Thanks, all!

Lilly03

I sometimes think I'm the only one who can't drink. I'll never fit in. I've been really shocked about how many people who I thought were crazy drinkers like me only had a few drinks. I was so drunk I didn't realize I was the only one, most other people were social drinkers who weren't drunk at all.