I could really use some prayers . . .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 9
I could really use some prayers . . .
I posted on here a couple days ago. The basic story is that I relapsed on Sunday after a year and a half of sobriety, and my wife is on her way home right now. I am going to have to tell her I relapsed. I am in complete and utter fear. I haven't slept or eaten in three days and I am scared to death. I hate hurting the people I love, and I hate the fact that I have hurt her before. Please pray for us, her especially.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Whistler, British Columbia
Posts: 222
Hey STH
I did read in your last postings about the ordeal you are in. And I am sending you much support on the decision to come clean with your wife. I know it is scary but by doing so you will set yourself free from this fear you have right now.
Once you have let this fear go you will be able to move forward stronger in your resolve than before.
I am glad you are going to tell her. I don't think you could hide it and she would see for sure something is not right the minute she gets home.
We got your back.
I did read in your last postings about the ordeal you are in. And I am sending you much support on the decision to come clean with your wife. I know it is scary but by doing so you will set yourself free from this fear you have right now.
Once you have let this fear go you will be able to move forward stronger in your resolve than before.
I am glad you are going to tell her. I don't think you could hide it and she would see for sure something is not right the minute she gets home.
We got your back.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Saying sorry may be tough........but maybe it won't be as bad as you think. As good as saying you're sorry is though, "sorry" usually helps the harmER feel better whereas amends tend to make the person harmed feel better - especially the "what can I do to set things right?" part. For me, every "setting things right" has involved me NOT doing whatever it was again.....ever. I liken it to punching you in the face, apologizing, then punching you in the face again.....over and over. Before long, you won't care that I'm sorry, you'll just want me to quit hitting you.
Although relapse doesn't have to be part of recovery, it can (as Cooter alluded to) be a positive thing in that it can bring some new resolve and a some new wisdom about what power you have and/or don't have over alcohol. It can force you look into what you were doing, weren't doing, or were doing but stopped. It's (relapse) also a good reminder to everyone else that an alcoholic's most insane thinking doesn't happen when they're loaded.....it happens when they're physically sober and they convince themselves that the next first drink won't have the same power over them that it used to have....."this time it'll be different." --and, for the real alcoholic, it's NEVER different.
Although relapse doesn't have to be part of recovery, it can (as Cooter alluded to) be a positive thing in that it can bring some new resolve and a some new wisdom about what power you have and/or don't have over alcohol. It can force you look into what you were doing, weren't doing, or were doing but stopped. It's (relapse) also a good reminder to everyone else that an alcoholic's most insane thinking doesn't happen when they're loaded.....it happens when they're physically sober and they convince themselves that the next first drink won't have the same power over them that it used to have....."this time it'll be different." --and, for the real alcoholic, it's NEVER different.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 9
Thank you
I just wanted to thank everybody for their support.
I told my wife about my relapse and it went as well as could be expected. She is incredibly supportive (although she is of course hurt, scared, and disappointed). I am working my hardest to *make amends* not just say sorry. As someone mentioned, words without actions are pretty meaningless, particularly to the loved ones who we have put through the ringer with our alcoholism.
I know everyone's prayers made a difference, and the support that we can get from - and give to - this community of ours is one of the greatest gifts of AA. I truly believe that a prayer from a stranger can make a difference.
I just wanted to let everyone know that I am sober today, and have been sense my brief (but completely horrifying) relapse. I pray that I am sober tomorrow. I pray that you all are as well.
I have been listening to my sponsor, doing everything he has told me to do, and doing my hardest to learn from my mistakes.
Tonight, as I was sending my sponsor my 10th step, I told him that 364/365 is still progress (not perfection). And even though last Sunday was a total nightmare, 2010 was still one of the best years of my life, and it was that progress and this program that made it that way. I hope I can make more progress next year, one day at a time.
It is the greatest gift in my life to be going to bed with my wife at 9:30 p.m. on New Year's Eve.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I told my wife about my relapse and it went as well as could be expected. She is incredibly supportive (although she is of course hurt, scared, and disappointed). I am working my hardest to *make amends* not just say sorry. As someone mentioned, words without actions are pretty meaningless, particularly to the loved ones who we have put through the ringer with our alcoholism.
I know everyone's prayers made a difference, and the support that we can get from - and give to - this community of ours is one of the greatest gifts of AA. I truly believe that a prayer from a stranger can make a difference.
I just wanted to let everyone know that I am sober today, and have been sense my brief (but completely horrifying) relapse. I pray that I am sober tomorrow. I pray that you all are as well.
I have been listening to my sponsor, doing everything he has told me to do, and doing my hardest to learn from my mistakes.
Tonight, as I was sending my sponsor my 10th step, I told him that 364/365 is still progress (not perfection). And even though last Sunday was a total nightmare, 2010 was still one of the best years of my life, and it was that progress and this program that made it that way. I hope I can make more progress next year, one day at a time.
It is the greatest gift in my life to be going to bed with my wife at 9:30 p.m. on New Year's Eve.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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