Mattcake

Hi all, I haven't posted here in a while

I recently went through an extremely rough patch, the worst bout of depression that I've ever experienced. But my mental health has been restored (kindof ), and my recovery work has led me to... feelings and situations that have changed my life, certainly and irreversibly.

Until a while ago, I used to carry around a long list of wants: better relationships with my friends and family, a boyfriend, a diploma, a good jjob, to be med-free, chiselled arms, the perfect maroon shirt for a Saturday night, a larger bookcase (and more time to read!). Just stuff... things.

But then I realised that I was being selfish and unthankful. Know what? I already have what I *really* want - recovery from addiction and mental stability - and that is invaluable.. and humbling. I worked *very* hard to achieve this, yet I could have never done it on my own, on both counts.

I'm truly satisfied with my life right now. It's not perfect, but I've come to terms with the fact that perfection is an illusion. This satisfaction is not apathy or disinterest, nor is it a lack of future goals, it's a burning calmness fuelled by gratitude.

It's freedom from desire.

This doesn't mean that I'm planning on staying here indefinitely, but I'm learning to embrace what I already have first.

To love it. Intensely.

And all those other desires and wants that I mentioned... they don't really matter... at all. Not really. It'd be nice to have all that, but it's not necessary. Having these desires that we can either take or leave might be a sign that recovery is underway. We all know what we desire when we're under the grip of addiction: either more drugs and booze, and/or sobriety, and that's about it.

Why am I posting this ramble here? Certainly not to brag nor to preach, LOL. No. I want to share what's going on in my life with those who know me. And, more importantly, maybe and hopefully, to encourage just *one* newcomer.

Without recovery, freedom does not exist in our lives.

Recovery has to make sense, it must bring meaning and gratitude to our lives; it has to teach us to love one another. That spark is within us.

And we need to learn to truly desire recovery... to make it the one desire that does matter... to make it a necessity... to make it count.



and that's when our desires are spontaneously fulfilled :-)

MsCooterBrown

Nice post! Thanks Mattcake.

Ghostly

Good to hear from you! Great Post.

Toronto68

Well, I'm happier when you are.

flutter

I'm happy you shared that And I'm super happy you're doing well, Matty

Hevyn

Matt, I'm sorry for what you've gone through battling depression - but so thankful you have drawn this conclusion & are at peace. I understand just what you mean. My own desires and wants kept me anxious & miserable for years. At some point during my recovery the obsession with them left me. Calmness and serenity - I hope they are always with you, my friend.

Anna

Great post, Matty!

As you said, it's about putting aside the ego and getting busy with the real purpose of our life. I don't think we can be free until we break the bond with the powerful ego and begin to listen to our souls.

I'm so sorry that you went through such a difficult time, but, it's great that you've come through it with wisdom and peace.

NEOMARXIST

Thanks for a great post!!

Increase The Peace

Opivotal

So glad to hear you've found some peace and acceptance in your life. People who have never experienced deep depression do not know how difficult a journey it is , nor the energy it takes to overcome it. I wish you well on your journey!

Kmber2010

Matt thank you for sharing. I have been going through some things in my life lately that have been a bit much at times and I can't express my gratefulness for my recovery. It has been this journey.....the tools acquired and the way I live and look at everything in my life that is allowing me to work through all of this.

What a great post!

GypWin

The world is a better place with people like you in it. Thanks mattcake

Dee74

It's funny how a life can be simpler yet richer

I'm glad you're back Matt
D

Live

Hi, Matt! I have missed you. I, too, am coming through on the better side of an MH issue. It is very nice to overcome the feeling that we are just short of a few "things or situations" to be okay and better yet, happily satisfied and tranquil within ourselves. I, personally, am loving it dearly. Tonight I am over the moon that my dinner came out the way my tastes bud hankered for! LOL

justjo

:ghug3 Oh Matt, I think I really know where you are coming from somehow. Our thoughts can control most of what we are feeling and how we react. I have never had any great desires, I mean with things or people and Ive been going through some depression myself. You made me think about my life, you know, thankyou. Alot of people say we choose our lives, sure but I think I am recovering from my own life, and I look back at stuff that I probably couldnt control and I need to let it go.
Thanks for reminding me that I need to just take time somedays and feel the sun & wind and be grateful for each day.
Im so glad you are well and such a wonderful person.
JJ

Jomey

Great post, Matty. And something I needed to hear just now. Thanks for being here for me today. Jomey

Dean62

Beautiful.

Mattcake

Thanks for the kind words, friends. It's so hard to let go of outdated dreams... but it's also fantastic, you surrender attachment, only to find abundance. Amazing.

Lots of love to you all

(Deanyyy! )