NEOMARXIST

That pretty much says it all really for why drinking isn't an option. There would be no such thing for as a one-off binge or drinking session. Once I was back in the game and it was a viable option then I would be drunk all of the time when I could be. It's always a strange situation being an alkie as although there's no drink and you live clean that's not to say that once you tasted booze, cigs and drugs again that you'd want to be back living clean again. In fact I very much doubt it to be honest.

It's easy to let other people, media and society rub off on your thinking. Christmas for example is being talked about by most people and I try to just block it out and keep my thinking in the day. I've always found this time of year incredibly lonely for me and last year was my first sober winter and I got through it staying sober 'one day at a time'. When my thinking gets out of the day I can feel a slight depression creep in that another winter is going to have be endured. But that's just a great example of how quickly my mind can get knocked off-balance.

The reality is that if I drink then I lose everything. Does this keep me sober? Well no as I could easily choose to ignore that and drink anyway, it would be very easy and afterall I wouldn't need to feel bored for a while.

It would be easy to not practice my recovery program and just say f*ck it. But I know without doubt the result of that. I couldn't drink at home, wouldn't really be able to drink in town pubs as I'd inevitably bump into somebody I knew. What would I do? Drink on a bench? Maybe for a bit but it's too cold. Book into a hotel room? Maybe. Insanity? Absolutely ha-ha.

Sometimes it would be easy to just not give a stuff like like the vast majority of people in UK. It would be easy to just continue to get wasted as afterall it ain't difficult. It would be easy to go and get wrecked with my old pals so I wasn't bored and lonely and could feel like I was living on the edge and living fast.

Am I going to do that? Of course not.

peace

Dee74

I kinda look at my sobriety as the centre of the wheel that is my life



without that centre, I have no working wheel, just bits.

Thanks Neo
D

Cottonwoodchris

I don't know what it is, Neo, but you always seem to say what is in my head, swirling around. Spot on topic once again. Thank you.

stellaloella

Thanks for this post. It is a reminder to me that I must also be sober. I have already lost a lot and could potentially go lower, but not if I remain committed to getting well.

least

I've got too much to lose by drinking - not going there!

SparklingSeven

Christmas, Christmas... I could just start again for Christmas. Just a few weeks maybe. Then I could stop again. Aye....

Keep getting that one over and over. And then...

I would lose everything - like you say.

Day at a time pal eh?

Stu.

NEOMARXIST

Just got back from my local AA meeting and wow, what a difference. Thanks for all of the replies and thanks for letting me share where I'm at so freely. Sometimes the gratitude can briefly slip and you can get lost in your own head and lose perspective. The mood I was in then I didn't want to go to the AA meeting but I went as I recognised that my thinking needed to change, promptly. I got there and my mate had saved me a seat and it felt great.

I have my gratitude back again and for that I'm truly grateful.

Thank you SR, peace

wichitalineman

Great post, Neo! I've been thinking about this lately. One drink = total failure. Just complete, utter failure. I'll lose everything I've built up to now, and I am sure the first drink will not be the last. It's one of the biggest things keeping me on the straight and narrow (besides the emotional outbursts, the blackouts, the embarrassing drunk dials, not to mention the dreadful searching thru the phone logs the next day). That, and the fact that not drinking never seems to cause a hangover (fancy that!).

I have also been thinking about how Christmas is just about to descend full-on with a vengeance on our thoughts, our pocketbooks, and, fittingly enough, our livers (up to this year, my liver would have be included). The onslaught of advertising showing us how great our Christmases would be with a nice glass of wine will be turned up to 10. In short, bah humbug to that stuff.

But not for this one. I quit last year 3 days after Christmas. My Christmas gift to myself this year is one year of sobriety. Ho ho ho!

Great post as always, Neo! Got me thinking and keeping my mind pointed in the right direction. So thanks for that, mate!

NEOMARXIST

Recovery is undoubtedly about reaching out. I know that for me then there is no way that I'd be able to stay sober without reaching out to SR and AA. I have to want to be willing to help myself ultimately, nobody will do it for me. If that means letting go then I still have to work at letting go in my own way. Regarding the HP then I have to be willing in my own way.

I haven't had a drink problem for a long time now, rather a living problem. This is the crux of alcoholism to me, a 'thinking' problem. I am very grateful that I have experienced many of the precious gifts of recovery. To me what make recovery worth it are things like gratitude, serenity, peace of mind, happiness, hope, profound moments of clarity.

The profound moments of clarity are what really blow my mind. They are the things that show me that I'm on the right path, as an old-timer said to me last night then you must be working it right to experience what you're talking about. I have had nothing but awesome feedback and appreciation from the old-timers. Many with 25+ years, they obviously know what they're talking about, so it means a lot.

More shall be revealed was told to me many times and I am continually finding that to be so true. My journey of recovery is an ongoing journey 'a day at a time'.

I'm certainly not complacent and will never underestimate the insidious nature of alcoholism. I can lose my perspective in a flash and my thoughts and thinking turn hopeless and depressive. I get consumed in my own head and negativity and that is when alcoholism will rear it's head again and look to whisper about how nice it would be to get wasted, as afterall it's not illegal. I have to look to get out of my head in a positive healthy way by reaching out. Afterwards I can smile at my illness and it's a source of much humour to me, though at the time I ain't laughing.

Thank you SR for being here for me, I simply wouldn't still be sober without you. Thanks to AA too, more has been revealed to me as I knew it would be. I know that my motivation is based on nothing but sobriety and recovery and that everything I've done in my recovery has been for this purpose. I was sick and tired of being a drunk and remember what my last bender turned into and I don't want to ever go back there. But I'm always aware that I'm only ever 1 drink away from being worse than where I left off.

My experience is that a grateful alcoholic will not wish to drink or take drugs. I know that to be the case for this alcoholic. When I'm grateful, I'm so happy and I am contented to let things be revealed in their own time, not mine. Providing I play my part and my motives are pure then I have faith that things will work out.

Grateful to be sober. Grateful to be an alcoholic.

peace

24hrsAday

i love living just ODAAT it has saved me more times than i can count.. Neo.. always good to read your stuff Buddy!

SDSurfn

Agreed, Neo, you have a gift. I look forward to your posts and read every one of them.

I like what you have said about being grateful. I am working on this. I have many things to work out after 27 years of drinking, but being grateful might be at the top of the list.

I know one thing for sure, I am grateful I have found these forums.

Thanks,

-SD