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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
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ESH –
I was shopping the other day and it struck me how content I felt – how connected too. Now, I didn’t know any of the other shoppers, not their names or their faces or their stories, but I still felt connected. Six months ago, that would have struck me as odd, possibly the delusion of a maniac. Today, it’s not unusual, which is a testament to sobriety and my recovery programs.
But I didn’t know their names or their faces or their stories and yet I felt that I could strike up a conversation with any one of them and be warm and comfortable and we’d connect on some level that I hardly understand, let alone can put into words.
It’s like, when I walk with a crowd, I’m sometimes bumping into others or doing that strange double-juke where me and some sorority girl are trying to predict each other’s moves and end up nearly colliding out of sheer awkwardness. And other times I see everyone and everything and move right with the flow, like I’m not forcing anything but still getting to my destination anyway. Maybe that’s the principle of non-action.
When I feel connected—and when my ego isn’t running the show (because that’s like turning the telescope inward instead of outward and it can only go one way)—when I feel connected, I see how everyone can relate to one another. It’s not that everyone is the same, nothing could be further from the truth. It’s that everyone brings their own personality/experiences/skills to the table in a way that can be real complimentary.
That’s part of the greatness of any recovery community – we all come in with our different experiences and philosophies and programs, and of course we all have common goal: to get sober and have fulfilling lives without alcohol. We learn from each other. I can learn just as much from a 50-year-old woman getting sober in Australia as someone my age living in the United States. In fact, I can learn more from people with different experiences.
Yeah, we get passionate a lot and we knock heads but that’s the beauty of it. These recovery programs have saved our lives – of course we’re going to defend those programs. Yeah, so I may disagree with someone, vehemently so, but if I shut off that little egotistical voice in my head and actually listen to that person fully, no doubt I’ll learn something.
When I accept myself and accept who I am and the role I play, I’m much less likely to need to feel superior over others. That paves the way for trust and connection. I can say – I’m okay as I am and you’re okay as you are and we both play our parts. Trust (and acceptance and connection) means letting people be themselves without trying to control their behavior.
Anyway. I should go shopping more often.
Thanks for letting me share.
I was shopping the other day and it struck me how content I felt – how connected too. Now, I didn’t know any of the other shoppers, not their names or their faces or their stories, but I still felt connected. Six months ago, that would have struck me as odd, possibly the delusion of a maniac. Today, it’s not unusual, which is a testament to sobriety and my recovery programs.
But I didn’t know their names or their faces or their stories and yet I felt that I could strike up a conversation with any one of them and be warm and comfortable and we’d connect on some level that I hardly understand, let alone can put into words.
It’s like, when I walk with a crowd, I’m sometimes bumping into others or doing that strange double-juke where me and some sorority girl are trying to predict each other’s moves and end up nearly colliding out of sheer awkwardness. And other times I see everyone and everything and move right with the flow, like I’m not forcing anything but still getting to my destination anyway. Maybe that’s the principle of non-action.
When I feel connected—and when my ego isn’t running the show (because that’s like turning the telescope inward instead of outward and it can only go one way)—when I feel connected, I see how everyone can relate to one another. It’s not that everyone is the same, nothing could be further from the truth. It’s that everyone brings their own personality/experiences/skills to the table in a way that can be real complimentary.
That’s part of the greatness of any recovery community – we all come in with our different experiences and philosophies and programs, and of course we all have common goal: to get sober and have fulfilling lives without alcohol. We learn from each other. I can learn just as much from a 50-year-old woman getting sober in Australia as someone my age living in the United States. In fact, I can learn more from people with different experiences.
Yeah, we get passionate a lot and we knock heads but that’s the beauty of it. These recovery programs have saved our lives – of course we’re going to defend those programs. Yeah, so I may disagree with someone, vehemently so, but if I shut off that little egotistical voice in my head and actually listen to that person fully, no doubt I’ll learn something.
When I accept myself and accept who I am and the role I play, I’m much less likely to need to feel superior over others. That paves the way for trust and connection. I can say – I’m okay as I am and you’re okay as you are and we both play our parts. Trust (and acceptance and connection) means letting people be themselves without trying to control their behavior.
Anyway. I should go shopping more often.
Thanks for letting me share.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,788
I'm so much happier sober, it's amazing.
I smile more often and must look different 'cause people are noticing a change in me. Makes me sad that I was missing out on so much when drinking, but at least that's in the past and my present is very satisfying.
I smile more often and must look different 'cause people are noticing a change in me. Makes me sad that I was missing out on so much when drinking, but at least that's in the past and my present is very satisfying.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
You're absolutely right.
Finding the connectedness between ourselves and the rest of mankind is such a great gift of recovery. It does mean that the ego is taking a back seat and that is the way to find peace in your life.
Finding the connectedness between ourselves and the rest of mankind is such a great gift of recovery. It does mean that the ego is taking a back seat and that is the way to find peace in your life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: dayton, oh
Posts: 487
Draciak,
I love your post. I have told people to shop on friday nights before but you explain why so beautifully. It was an amazing moment when I first experienced what you describe. I will have to print your post and put it in my notebook it is so good.
SH
I love your post. I have told people to shop on friday nights before but you explain why so beautifully. It was an amazing moment when I first experienced what you describe. I will have to print your post and put it in my notebook it is so good.
SH
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 336
Great post Draciak! Thank you.
This part of your post really struck me. The other day as I drove away from a meeting I noticed another meeting-goer leaving the large parking lot. He pulled out of one exit and I pulled out of another exit. I didn't see his face because of his motorcycle helmet and sunglasses, but I knew he was coming from the meeting.
We traveled in the same direction until he turned left at a light about 2 miles away and I went straight.
For some reason I was thinking that this was a beautiful thing. So anonymous yet we both had SO much in common. As I watched him drive away I silently wished him safe travels and peaceful day.
There are lots of meetings in my area and it was a common time of day for meetings. It made me think about who else was out there on the road with me. I started looking around at other drivers and thought there must be others who the guy on the motorcycle and I have something in common with and maybe they are driving home from their meetings.
It was kinda weird. I felt connected on my drive home that day like never before. It was like a certain freedom that I find hard to put into words.
Thanks again for your awesome post!
Originally Posted by Draciak
Now, I didn’t know any of the other shoppers, not their names or their faces or their stories, but I still felt connected.
We traveled in the same direction until he turned left at a light about 2 miles away and I went straight.
For some reason I was thinking that this was a beautiful thing. So anonymous yet we both had SO much in common. As I watched him drive away I silently wished him safe travels and peaceful day.
There are lots of meetings in my area and it was a common time of day for meetings. It made me think about who else was out there on the road with me. I started looking around at other drivers and thought there must be others who the guy on the motorcycle and I have something in common with and maybe they are driving home from their meetings.
It was kinda weird. I felt connected on my drive home that day like never before. It was like a certain freedom that I find hard to put into words.
Thanks again for your awesome post!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
Great responses guys and gals
Least, a genuine smile is a powerful thing - it's as if people can see the good vibes and want to join in. I can't tell you how many times I've smiled at complete strangers, only to see them smile as well. Happiness is contagious.
On another note, acceptance is so important for me, especially that final part of the serenity prayer - the things we cannot change (and the wisdom to know the difference). Part of the reason I used so much was because I always thought life needed to be good. But sometimes bad things happen and it's no one's fault.
Often, I'm the guy with the 84th problem: I don't want to have any problems.
Is it possible to accept the hurt as well - the pain that comes with life? I guess I have to. There's no other way, no drugs to use, no method to escape, to dull, to minimize all the pain and the feelings and the mess. So the last thing to do is accept.
My grandmother passed away.
I'm grateful to be sober today. I'm grateful to have spent time with her.
Least, a genuine smile is a powerful thing - it's as if people can see the good vibes and want to join in. I can't tell you how many times I've smiled at complete strangers, only to see them smile as well. Happiness is contagious.
On another note, acceptance is so important for me, especially that final part of the serenity prayer - the things we cannot change (and the wisdom to know the difference). Part of the reason I used so much was because I always thought life needed to be good. But sometimes bad things happen and it's no one's fault.
Often, I'm the guy with the 84th problem: I don't want to have any problems.
Is it possible to accept the hurt as well - the pain that comes with life? I guess I have to. There's no other way, no drugs to use, no method to escape, to dull, to minimize all the pain and the feelings and the mess. So the last thing to do is accept.
My grandmother passed away.
I'm grateful to be sober today. I'm grateful to have spent time with her.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi Draciak...I'm so sorry for your Grandmother's passing and the sadness you and your family are going through.
I think embracing life's sorrows is as important as embracing life's joy....feelings, good and bad, is how we know we are alive. That's one of the big evils of alcohol...it robs you of feelings...it makes a zombie of you.
Love and prayers...LaFemme
I think embracing life's sorrows is as important as embracing life's joy....feelings, good and bad, is how we know we are alive. That's one of the big evils of alcohol...it robs you of feelings...it makes a zombie of you.
Love and prayers...LaFemme
31/10/10
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 241
great thread - thanks. Yes, this warm feeling of connectedness is a great support in my recovery. I love that about f2f meetings too. It's great to share a common interest like football, but to share recovery with its ups and downs is even more powerful!
vee
vee
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