sick of addiction
curaezipirid
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 9
sick of addiction
I am so very very sick of drug dependency, and with myself putting up with drug dependencies in men who love me:
I gave up use of cannabis myself 11 years ago,
had already given up alcohol without difficulty when pregnant 20 years ago,
and gave up the tobacco I used to give up cannabis with, about 3 years ago,
then also gave up caffiene about 2 years ago,
and have been living clean,
Until,
recently I fell in love with a longer term opiate user, who wants to give up, but simply lacks the courage, or the social precedent to follow within his own community, . . .
. . . I have been smoking cannabis again, and the availability of cannabis is only of cannabis which has had speed put into the hydroponic bath water, so I feel sickest from that now: sort of ten times worse than giving up caffiene was
And today, is just the day I feel so sick and tired of the whole situation of being up close and personal with a user and all his user buddies, that I can't find it in me to care now
I am pregnant, and he loves me well, but he is failing to draw any boundaries for himself, and this is impinging on my own feelings of safety.
I told him I will not let anybody who uses opiates touch any child of mine, unless it has been over three days since last they used, because I am able to feel it in my own skin, as pain, when anybody who recently used an opiate touches me. He is so sad about himself, but I know he has to find it in his own motivation to behave as he needs to, so as to give up all of his addictions.
He once before gave up the combination of heroin and ice, so he ought to know he can give up the morphine/tobacco/alcohol etc he is on now, and he is asking me to force him to have to give up.
Behind the scenes, are a lot of prostitutes whom he had been using with, who were helping him pay for morph, but they were all afraid because they have all noticed that he was going to give up one day, and they were relying on his company to use around very often. They've all been competing with one another to try to prove which of them can prove to him that he didn't need me to give up, as though they were the only help he needed, but when they were all more motivated to prevent him from giving up.
It is sort of bizarre that we even got to know one another, but still feeling like a blessing, and I am more tired from being pregnant than anything else, but today, when he used, I wanted to give up on the whole story myself.
Now I feel like crying, but I felt like crying all the time already, and now for some reason it is feeling safe to cry
I hate the way opiates cause real life to seem as though it can be warped into different outcomes from those God loves us into, and I don't want any more exchanges of bodily fluids with anybody who cannot break out of the habit
I gave up use of cannabis myself 11 years ago,
had already given up alcohol without difficulty when pregnant 20 years ago,
and gave up the tobacco I used to give up cannabis with, about 3 years ago,
then also gave up caffiene about 2 years ago,
and have been living clean,
Until,
recently I fell in love with a longer term opiate user, who wants to give up, but simply lacks the courage, or the social precedent to follow within his own community, . . .
. . . I have been smoking cannabis again, and the availability of cannabis is only of cannabis which has had speed put into the hydroponic bath water, so I feel sickest from that now: sort of ten times worse than giving up caffiene was
And today, is just the day I feel so sick and tired of the whole situation of being up close and personal with a user and all his user buddies, that I can't find it in me to care now
I am pregnant, and he loves me well, but he is failing to draw any boundaries for himself, and this is impinging on my own feelings of safety.
I told him I will not let anybody who uses opiates touch any child of mine, unless it has been over three days since last they used, because I am able to feel it in my own skin, as pain, when anybody who recently used an opiate touches me. He is so sad about himself, but I know he has to find it in his own motivation to behave as he needs to, so as to give up all of his addictions.
He once before gave up the combination of heroin and ice, so he ought to know he can give up the morphine/tobacco/alcohol etc he is on now, and he is asking me to force him to have to give up.
Behind the scenes, are a lot of prostitutes whom he had been using with, who were helping him pay for morph, but they were all afraid because they have all noticed that he was going to give up one day, and they were relying on his company to use around very often. They've all been competing with one another to try to prove which of them can prove to him that he didn't need me to give up, as though they were the only help he needed, but when they were all more motivated to prevent him from giving up.
It is sort of bizarre that we even got to know one another, but still feeling like a blessing, and I am more tired from being pregnant than anything else, but today, when he used, I wanted to give up on the whole story myself.
Now I feel like crying, but I felt like crying all the time already, and now for some reason it is feeling safe to cry
I hate the way opiates cause real life to seem as though it can be warped into different outcomes from those God loves us into, and I don't want any more exchanges of bodily fluids with anybody who cannot break out of the habit
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi again
Smoking cannabis is never good IMO...smoking it when pregnant is worse.
Smoking it tinged with speed is worse still.
I had to cut myself loose from the toxic people in my life to stay sober. None of what you describe in this or previous posts sounds a good environment for a baby.
I'm an aussie too - there's a lot of links here to look through for help and guidance
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2273689
I hope you'll look at them.
Like I said last time, I think you deserve more than what you're allowing yourself right now.
D
Smoking cannabis is never good IMO...smoking it when pregnant is worse.
Smoking it tinged with speed is worse still.
I had to cut myself loose from the toxic people in my life to stay sober. None of what you describe in this or previous posts sounds a good environment for a baby.
I'm an aussie too - there's a lot of links here to look through for help and guidance
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2273689
I hope you'll look at them.
Like I said last time, I think you deserve more than what you're allowing yourself right now.
D
curaezipirid
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 9
Thanks, it is the exact point really, that I am pregnant
only five weeks, but it is in the earliest stages of pregnancy that fetal development is most clearly defined by the mother, (and father's) behaviour, including diet and the air we breath etc.
I can't stand for Garth to touch me soon after he used, so it is a clear cut issue at any rate.
I got given another referral to an Aboriginal detox and rehab facility also, but it is extremely difficult to find any rehab facilities which are truly culturally appropriate for black men like Garth. In the desert men who detox normally get an exorcism done first, and that kind of work from traditional medicine men, could be the key to what he needs
only five weeks, but it is in the earliest stages of pregnancy that fetal development is most clearly defined by the mother, (and father's) behaviour, including diet and the air we breath etc.
I can't stand for Garth to touch me soon after he used, so it is a clear cut issue at any rate.
I got given another referral to an Aboriginal detox and rehab facility also, but it is extremely difficult to find any rehab facilities which are truly culturally appropriate for black men like Garth. In the desert men who detox normally get an exorcism done first, and that kind of work from traditional medicine men, could be the key to what he needs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Originally Posted by curaezipirid 
I am so very very sick of drug dependency, and with myself putting up with drug dependencies in men who love me:
I gave up use of cannabis myself 11 years ago,
had already given up alcohol without difficulty when pregnant 20 years ago,
and gave up the tobacco I used to give up cannabis with, about 3 years ago,
then also gave up caffiene about 2 years ago,
and have been living clean,
Until,
recently I fell in love with a longer term opiate user, who wants to give up, but simply lacks the courage, or the social precedent to follow within his own community, . . .
. . . I have been smoking cannabis again, and the availability of cannabis is only of cannabis which has had speed put into the hydroponic bath water, so I feel sickest from that now: sort of ten times worse than giving up caffiene was
And today, is just the day I feel so sick and tired of the whole situation of being up close and personal with a user and all his user buddies, that I can't find it in me to care now
I am pregnant, and he loves me well, but he is failing to draw any boundaries for himself, and this is impinging on my own feelings of safety.
I told him I will not let anybody who uses opiates touch any child of mine, unless it has been over three days since last they used, because I am able to feel it in my own skin, as pain, when anybody who recently used an opiate touches me. He is so sad about himself, but I know he has to find it in his own motivation to behave as he needs to, so as to give up all of his addictions.
He once before gave up the combination of heroin and ice, so he ought to know he can give up the morphine/tobacco/alcohol etc he is on now, and he is asking me to force him to have to give up.
Behind the scenes, are a lot of prostitutes whom he had been using with, who were helping him pay for morph, but they were all afraid because they have all noticed that he was going to give up one day, and they were relying on his company to use around very often. They've all been competing with one another to try to prove which of them can prove to him that he didn't need me to give up, as though they were the only help he needed, but when they were all more motivated to prevent him from giving up.
It is sort of bizarre that we even got to know one another, but still feeling like a blessing, and I am more tired from being pregnant than anything else, but today, when he used, I wanted to give up on the whole story myself.
Now I feel like crying, but I felt like crying all the time already, and now for some reason it is feeling safe to cry
I hate the way opiates cause real life to seem as though it can be warped into different outcomes from those God loves us into, and I don't want any more exchanges of bodily fluids with anybody who cannot break out of the habit
I gave up use of cannabis myself 11 years ago,
had already given up alcohol without difficulty when pregnant 20 years ago,
and gave up the tobacco I used to give up cannabis with, about 3 years ago,
then also gave up caffiene about 2 years ago,
and have been living clean,
Until,
recently I fell in love with a longer term opiate user, who wants to give up, but simply lacks the courage, or the social precedent to follow within his own community, . . .
. . . I have been smoking cannabis again, and the availability of cannabis is only of cannabis which has had speed put into the hydroponic bath water, so I feel sickest from that now: sort of ten times worse than giving up caffiene was
And today, is just the day I feel so sick and tired of the whole situation of being up close and personal with a user and all his user buddies, that I can't find it in me to care now
I am pregnant, and he loves me well, but he is failing to draw any boundaries for himself, and this is impinging on my own feelings of safety.
I told him I will not let anybody who uses opiates touch any child of mine, unless it has been over three days since last they used, because I am able to feel it in my own skin, as pain, when anybody who recently used an opiate touches me. He is so sad about himself, but I know he has to find it in his own motivation to behave as he needs to, so as to give up all of his addictions.
He once before gave up the combination of heroin and ice, so he ought to know he can give up the morphine/tobacco/alcohol etc he is on now, and he is asking me to force him to have to give up.
Behind the scenes, are a lot of prostitutes whom he had been using with, who were helping him pay for morph, but they were all afraid because they have all noticed that he was going to give up one day, and they were relying on his company to use around very often. They've all been competing with one another to try to prove which of them can prove to him that he didn't need me to give up, as though they were the only help he needed, but when they were all more motivated to prevent him from giving up.
It is sort of bizarre that we even got to know one another, but still feeling like a blessing, and I am more tired from being pregnant than anything else, but today, when he used, I wanted to give up on the whole story myself.
Now I feel like crying, but I felt like crying all the time already, and now for some reason it is feeling safe to cry
I hate the way opiates cause real life to seem as though it can be warped into different outcomes from those God loves us into, and I don't want any more exchanges of bodily fluids with anybody who cannot break out of the habit
concern is for you. You are smoking again, and you are pregnant. You don't want your partner to exchange bodily fluids with someone who cannot break out of the habit of addiction, yet your unborn child is exchanging your bodily fluids every second of every day.
I am not judging you at all, I hope you come back and reread this post. This is about you and your unborn child. How can this board be of help to you, first.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi curaezipirid
I'm not an indigenous Australian so you undoubtedly know more than I do about appropriate rehabs for your partner.
But that's his job to hunt down, surely?
We all were scared and most of us had no precedent to follow, but we found the help we needed because we wanted to get better.
Maybe I'm missing something but from my reading your job is to take care of yourself and your baby and find appropriate treatment for yourself, regardless of what your partner decides.
D
I'm not an indigenous Australian so you undoubtedly know more than I do about appropriate rehabs for your partner.
But that's his job to hunt down, surely?
We all were scared and most of us had no precedent to follow, but we found the help we needed because we wanted to get better.
Maybe I'm missing something but from my reading your job is to take care of yourself and your baby and find appropriate treatment for yourself, regardless of what your partner decides.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi and Welcome,
I truly think you should focus on yourself and getting yourself clean so you can get through the rest of your pregnancy with no drug use. And, you can begin to be the mother you want to be.
Allow your partner to deal with his own issues. This is not something that you could or should do for him. And, as Dee said, I also needed to remove toxic people from my life or I never would have been able to recover.
I truly think you should focus on yourself and getting yourself clean so you can get through the rest of your pregnancy with no drug use. And, you can begin to be the mother you want to be.
Allow your partner to deal with his own issues. This is not something that you could or should do for him. And, as Dee said, I also needed to remove toxic people from my life or I never would have been able to recover.
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