Evil Cycle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 10
Evil Cycle
I'm back after about a year away. (I didn't post much, but I was a regular reader.) I thought I could do it by myself. I now realize I can't. I can't seem to kick the cycle of periodic binge drinking. I can go two or three weeks without, but the cravings start to hit me after that. I seem to always convince myself that it will be different this time and I will be able to control it. It never works. I drink to excess - blackouts are a regular occurance. I don't remember who I talked to, what I did, or how I got home. (I live in a city so thankfully drinking and driving is never an issue; I walk or take a cab.) Bad things happen when you're out there. There have been many embarassing social situations, poor decisions, and regrets. I'm tired of spending another morning trying to piece together what happened and feeling guilt and shame for my behavior. Unfortunately, there are no do-overs in life. I'm going to have to live with it and move on the best that I can.
I've come to the realization that alcoholism does not go away by itself. I've been struggling with this for over 7 years. I now realize that I can't do it alone. I need to take this head on and beat it for good. I'm turning 39 in December. It would be nice to start the new year free of this and it would be nice to have this behind me as I turn 40.
My plan - I'm going to see a doctor next week. I will also look in to my employer's Employee Assistance Program for a referral to an addiction specialist. I found that reading about alcoholism is very helpful. I will continue educating myself about alcoholism. Of course, this board is extremely helpful and I hope to find inspiration and guidance here as well.
Thanks for reading.
I've come to the realization that alcoholism does not go away by itself. I've been struggling with this for over 7 years. I now realize that I can't do it alone. I need to take this head on and beat it for good. I'm turning 39 in December. It would be nice to start the new year free of this and it would be nice to have this behind me as I turn 40.
My plan - I'm going to see a doctor next week. I will also look in to my employer's Employee Assistance Program for a referral to an addiction specialist. I found that reading about alcoholism is very helpful. I will continue educating myself about alcoholism. Of course, this board is extremely helpful and I hope to find inspiration and guidance here as well.
Thanks for reading.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Alcoholism will not go away by itself, you're right.
And, stopping drinking is just the beginning, and that, in itself, won't fix everything.
By coming here and reading and learning and planning to see an addiction specialist, you are taking the right steps into beginning to recover.
And, stopping drinking is just the beginning, and that, in itself, won't fix everything.
By coming here and reading and learning and planning to see an addiction specialist, you are taking the right steps into beginning to recover.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
I am still trying to figure out what all this means and am pretty ignorant on the matter, but I hear all the time "alcoholism is a disease and alcohol a symptom."
I guess the idea being that alcoholism itself isn't just about the booze, but something of the way our brains are made up that cause us all the trouble. Alcohol is just the way of adjusting the brain back to something it pathologically thinks is "normal."
Hence then, why we can't just get by with just not drinking alone, we have to develop coping skills to deal with the alcoholism itself. Therefore recovery programs, counseling, exercising, maybe medication, etc.
I guess the idea being that alcoholism itself isn't just about the booze, but something of the way our brains are made up that cause us all the trouble. Alcohol is just the way of adjusting the brain back to something it pathologically thinks is "normal."
Hence then, why we can't just get by with just not drinking alone, we have to develop coping skills to deal with the alcoholism itself. Therefore recovery programs, counseling, exercising, maybe medication, etc.
I'm glad you're getting help to kick this nasty illness in the butt.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 587
I completly agree. Alcoholism is a disease and if you don't stop it it wil kill you. I turned 40 and I was struggling my whole life. I started drinking very young, my grandmother kept giving me beer for dinner as a treat after a hard day, later I drunk to fit in, to be able to handle social situations etc. After my grandmother died I kpet drinking and drinking, it got worse. I still performed jobwise though and non of my friends complained..... Even my spouse at this time did not say anything and he would not drink much... Everybody thought I had no problem, only I realized there was a problem. Everybody told me just drink 1or2, the problem is 1 or 2 just get me started and warmed up, I need to finish 2 bottles.... until I blackout and there is no booze left....
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Weston - I think it's great that you're looking into different resources to help you quit drinking. I tried on my own, too, and just couldn't do it alone. It was mind-boggling to me that I seemed to keep caving in.
Hope you'll hang out and participate more - it sure has helped me! Anyway, glad you're back!
Hope you'll hang out and participate more - it sure has helped me! Anyway, glad you're back!
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