There's more to do
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
There's more to do
After choosing the drink over sobriety two nights ago and then having to come clean, I spoke about my drinking again yesterday at a meeting. Afterwards, I made a couple calls to people I felt I let down and was promptly informed that this incident cannot be repeated because I have too much to do.
I thought about that after the call and have come to agree. There's too much work to do, so I am making a new, total commitment to recovery, and am opening up more to the people who count on me. I'm making a new commitment to the steps of AA as well, with a new set of eyes and an appreciation of being able to be of service, instead of considering service to be beneath me.
One thing I've learned is I still have a huge ego problem, and feel entitled to have my cake and eat it too, so it's about time I learn to share.
It's easy to take a few steps forward, then turn and run because the work load and accountability become more demanding. That's the old me. Living that way has brought me to the brink of death a few times.
So the choice is to either fully embrace life, or run and hide somemore in a bottle, and I'm tired of being a scared little kid who runs to the tit everytime I get a bit hungry. If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything and today I stand for sobriety above all else in my life and that takes a full commitment, day in and day out, good and bad, and with lifes ups and downs, lonely or not. That's just the way it is.
So the challenge is, ok, you're gonna stay sober, now what? Well, lookout life, here I come.
I thought about that after the call and have come to agree. There's too much work to do, so I am making a new, total commitment to recovery, and am opening up more to the people who count on me. I'm making a new commitment to the steps of AA as well, with a new set of eyes and an appreciation of being able to be of service, instead of considering service to be beneath me.
One thing I've learned is I still have a huge ego problem, and feel entitled to have my cake and eat it too, so it's about time I learn to share.
It's easy to take a few steps forward, then turn and run because the work load and accountability become more demanding. That's the old me. Living that way has brought me to the brink of death a few times.
So the choice is to either fully embrace life, or run and hide somemore in a bottle, and I'm tired of being a scared little kid who runs to the tit everytime I get a bit hungry. If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything and today I stand for sobriety above all else in my life and that takes a full commitment, day in and day out, good and bad, and with lifes ups and downs, lonely or not. That's just the way it is.
So the challenge is, ok, you're gonna stay sober, now what? Well, lookout life, here I come.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Dallas,
I'm going to be honest because I care about you. My tone is not socially correct or polished for the masses.
In Chapter 2, where it's talking about the problem of mental obsession, the BB states,
This is an observation based on the behavior of many thousands of alcoholics. Have you had a powerful desire to stop? Has it worked? For sure, many have not passed into that state yet, and have no use for this idea. But have you considered that maybe you are one of those that has crossed the line? Your most powerful (I personalize it when I read it) desire to stop is not going to do you much good.
Why is my most powerful desire of no use to me? Because I lack the power required. Simple. I can wish to lift that 10,000 pound boulder all I want, I can try with all my might, but I still can't lift it. I don't have the power required.
As you have read, the main object of AA's book is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. But reading that doesn't get you the needed power. You have to take the actions. And until you do, that mental blank spot will exist that you keep stumbling into.
Determination is great. But it is insufficient to keep sober an alcoholic who has crossed that line. You know what to do. If you go at with some desperation, you can get it done. That's what will bring the necessary power.
The real question is not how wonderfully rockin' my new life is going to be, but rather have I got my 4th Step done?
My only wish is that you get the help you need in taking those actions and bringing this power into your life.
I'm going to be honest because I care about you. My tone is not socially correct or polished for the masses.
In Chapter 2, where it's talking about the problem of mental obsession, the BB states,
Originally Posted by AA BB 1st
At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail.
Why is my most powerful desire of no use to me? Because I lack the power required. Simple. I can wish to lift that 10,000 pound boulder all I want, I can try with all my might, but I still can't lift it. I don't have the power required.
As you have read, the main object of AA's book is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. But reading that doesn't get you the needed power. You have to take the actions. And until you do, that mental blank spot will exist that you keep stumbling into.
Determination is great. But it is insufficient to keep sober an alcoholic who has crossed that line. You know what to do. If you go at with some desperation, you can get it done. That's what will bring the necessary power.
The real question is not how wonderfully rockin' my new life is going to be, but rather have I got my 4th Step done?
My only wish is that you get the help you need in taking those actions and bringing this power into your life.
Awakening...
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: in the present
Posts: 1,125
I remember when I relapsed last year, I was bound and determined too get it right this time. But that meant doing the work of the steps, no matter how hard it was. Then, I felt myself channeling into that power.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
Most of us don't solve it all in a 'lightning' flash moment... let it unfold D. Not saying this as a challenge, but in reading your posts, I am sometimes wondering about your expectations from the 12 step program. I don't know if there's any program out there that can claim to be a complete panacea for all that we encounter in day to day sobriety... but many of us unconsciously seek something of that sort out, as a trace of addiction thinking.
It is 'life on life's terms' and accepting God's will when things don't go according to how we may want. Recovery is an ongoing process and hard work when it comes down to it - so many of us have stunted emotional growth as a result of abuse of substances, poor coping skills as a result, and there is much that we may have pushed away or denied for years - and yes sometimes it can be uncomfortable and confronting, but it is worth it all in the long run.
It is 'life on life's terms' and accepting God's will when things don't go according to how we may want. Recovery is an ongoing process and hard work when it comes down to it - so many of us have stunted emotional growth as a result of abuse of substances, poor coping skills as a result, and there is much that we may have pushed away or denied for years - and yes sometimes it can be uncomfortable and confronting, but it is worth it all in the long run.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
