Dee74

There's a lot of good advice here xuse - think about what else you can do.
You can do this

Have a good sober rest of yr weekend
D

xuse

thanks d

xuse

i remember thinking will i ill never not want to drink ever ialways think im doing good ive got this but............................................... .........

least

You can do this. Try something different this time round. I hope you can find your way to a sober life.

LexieCat

x,

Sorry that happened, but as Dee pointed out, when what you are doing isn't working, it's probably time to try something different.

Here's a suggestion. Take a look at the Big Book online. Try reading "The Doctor's Opinion" and "More About Alcoholism". If it sounds like something you can identify with (drinking when you don't intend to--when you're positive you've got it beat), then read a little more, and try checking out a few meetings.

What have you got to lose but your misery?

julez

Hey xuse,
I'm sorry you were feeling bad last night, and that you felt that not enough people were here. I can speak for myself, and I'm sure others when I say that noone here is "mad" at you, thats for sure. I've been there many times. I understand that you don't feel that AA is the place for you, but I also understand that it takes something different in your life to make sure you don't make the same mistake again. I have bought a couple recovery books, and also a book on finding your own inner peace. Maybe a trip to the bookstore is what you need. There were many inspiring titles there. We are here for you. Take care..

Kmber2010

Sry to hear X and know we are here for you.

Hope you get to that better place. I know you can. Sounds like you need a plan of recovery. Know that you never have to go through this again and you can have a far better life for yourself and for your children. I hope you toss out all the booze and make today that day.

Looking forward to your plan.

Toronto68

Xuse, I think what you want to work on is right in what you said here:

"it seems easy mon-fri but on saturday i feel i owe myself something but my ibs always acts up drink or not it adds to my stress i had an ultra sound of my whole right quad 3 months ago showed nothing im just misable im damed if i do same if i dont uhh "

I don't know what ibs stands for, but this thing with needing to reward yourself sounds like the first thing to deal with. I can remember wishing I could only drink in reward mode, in a "reasonable way," like at least only on weekends or something. Trouble was: that always stayed every day. So it stayed that way for years and years. I don't know to explain it - because it is different for every person - but there needs to be a different kind of reward system for you. One of the first times I drank was at a fire (if you mean like a bonfire outside), and of course that could be a hoot. But for an alcoholic, it doesn't stay at a hoot.

Do you get pride out of not drinking? Do you have a garage, do you know how to make things and fix things? Do you have something you used to do that you can do now for a good 5 hours straight because it's that interesting instead of drinking? Is there something you had promised someone or half-promised you would do, and cuold achieve this time? Since your ego needs self-love, then you can figure out what is going to give your ego a boost if you spend time rewarding yourself with THAT activity instead of drinking. There is a whole world of stuff you could learn about your ego and need for reward beyond that if you kept working at it (like with AA, for example). But I am guessing that a good place to start would be to show yourself you can stop drinking and see the reward inside that first. Don't hang around people that are going to want to bring in the season with drinks, that's another thing.

Itchy

Toronto I think IBS means irritated bowel syndrome.

Toronto68

Oh, OK, well, that can of course be an incentive not to drink, though stuff like that is not incentive enough for a long time for alcoholics.

xuse

im sorry for my outburst things are better today happy halloween thanks for support my problem is so mental someone said do i feel proud when i dont drink heck yeah i dont understand its like i can go and turn it down in situations that should be hard and feel proud then when i think should be easy not to drink boom its like i trick myself well i no aa is great but i dont think so for me i will try to at least check in to some of the reading check back later off to do halloween with kids

Impurrfect

(((xuse))) - Only you can answer whether drinking is really a problem for you, as ((Dee)) mentioned. I came here, lurking, when I was abusing opiates, got off them with no problem, but then found crack

When it was slow, for whatever reason, I read a lot of threads/posts..some of them years old, but it helped me to see that I wasn't alone. I know there are several people here that can go for weeks, or months, and then binge. I did that with crack, my first year, until I relapsed, stayed out for 2 weeks and almost lost everything I'd tried, so hard, to get back.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Spawn

One day at a time.....that's all it takes

You only have to stay sober one day at a time. Keep it simple Bro!

I have a little over 11 years clean and sober and I did it one day at a time........if I can do it so can you.
Change old routines.........Saturday?
instead of a 12 pack have pizza with the "family"
JUST A THOUGHT

xuse

one day at a time i feel so shameful knowing i say stuff like i had fun or whatever no i didnt i really didn t want to drink but did anyways