whatdoidonext

I am 26 years old and have been drinking since 21. I started college at 18 and got a full time job at 19. I went to college part time since I got my job, and have have got promoted 4 times and am now at a high level postion. During my drinking I completed college, while working, have been promoted at work 4 times, and am starting graduate school. I have a family of 3, own a house, and do all kinds of stuff around the house, work on the cars, and do all the finances. 2 months ago I told my doctor that I was drinking 6-8 beers a day before I went to bed and that I wanted to see what he thought and his options on stopping. He told me I should go to a detox center (that he works at) and go for the treatment period of 2-4 weeks. At this point in my life, that is not for me even though I know I have a problem. He gave me no at home options, did not refer me to any support groups, just tried to "sell" me on his treatment center. I went and met with a counsleor(at a different place than he works at) about 2 months ago and was evaluated, and I felt like they were digging for a reason for my drinking, which was not clearly defined. The center mostly dealt with harder drugs, and I did not think I would get addressed for alcohol problems. I know I have a problem, but it is so hard to put in prespective, because it has not caused any problems in my life (I know, you have heard it all before). No money issues, no family issues, no personal issues, no job issues, etc. I know I have a problem, but just don't know what to do next.

I barely every drink at a bar, never during the day, never around my son and only drink at/near bedtime. I know I have a problem, but it is so hard to find anyone that understands, and that is why I am posting here. Does anyone have a suggestion on where to start?

Dee74

Hi whatdoidonext

Welcome to SR!

Are you open to the idea or AA or some other recovery group? That's the route most people take...and hanging out here isn't the worst thing you could do either - you'll get lots of ideas, support and encouragement here

Have you thought of getting a second opinion from someones who's not affiliated with a treatment centre as well? they may, or may not, say the same thing, but at least you could be reasonable sure then covering medical opinion.

Here's a list of links to the main recovery players - I hope you'll look into at least some of them - because you're right IMO...

it never gets better when we're drinking habitually I think...certainly not in my case - however well you're juggling those balls now, you're bound to lose a few as time goes on, and there's always a lot of yets to come...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

D

artsoul

Hi whatdoidonext - I can relate to your story and the situation you find yourself in. No one would have even suspected I drank like I did, but years ago when I started relying on that 5 or 6 beers a night, I knew I had a problem.

It's good that you're addressing this now, because if you are an alcoholic, it will only get worse and you may end up suffering some of the consequences that others talk about.

Coming here for support is a great step because most of us can't do this alone. Also, AA is a lifeline for a lot of people and you may want to consider that.

The thing to do now is to set a goal of not drinking for a day. Do whatever it takes to get through 24 hours without picking up a drink. Don't worry about not drinking "forever" - just get through the day (or hour or minute). If you think you may have trouble with withdrawals, perhaps seeing a different doctor would help. Drink alot of water, fruit juice, B vitamins. I even went so far as to think of it like having the flu - I stayed propped up in bed with my laptop for a weekend, reading and posting here.

Anyway (I'm starting to write a book here, sorry!)...... just glad you found us and hang in there.... others will be along shortly with their responses, I'm sure.:ghug3

firestorm090

You might want to start with the fact that you stated "I know I have a problem" three times in your first post here.

wpainterw

I agree with Dee74 and have little to add. One thing about alcohol addiction is that it never seems to stay the same. It is almost always a progressive illness and get worse as time goes on. Unless it is dealt with effectively there are likely to be job losses, family breakups, and later on perhaps jail sentences. A key thing in my recovery, which started only after many many years of "high functioning" alcoholism, was to find a physician or facility which really knew how to deal with this problem. This SR website should be able to direct you to one or tell you how to find one. Just ask any forum leader or administrator. I'm sure they can put you on to something. Good luck.

W.

firestorm090

Just wanted to add that alcohol is no respecter of persons, gifted or challenged.

LaFemme

Hi and welcome to SR....m really surprised at your Doc pushing the treatment center...kind of unethical imo...might want toconsider a new Dr.

Many people get sober without fancy detox centers though having a physician monitoring withdrawal is important. I'm not one for navel gazing so rather than focusing on why I drank It how awful it was I focus on a brighter future and my health and changing those things that I need to in order not to drink in the future.

SR has been of great value to me...glad to see You here.

ozgoddess

The road to recovery is a very personal journey, and no one can tell you what is right or wrong for you. First step you have done already. You have recognised you have a problem. Now you need to work out what recovery path you will take.

AA is recommended by many and I have no problem with AA, but I have not used it or worked the steps. I have done a great deal of self discovery and have hung out here a lot. However, i was lucky not to have w/d and I know now that it can be quite dangerous. I think the advice of finding a new doctor is probably a good one.

I too was a highly functional alcoholic and had not lost anything....yet. It's progressive and will only get worse if it is not addressed.

Like i said, no one can tell you what to do, all we can do is tell you what we did and hope that the light bulbs go on for you. I can tell you that I had to learn to love myself, once i started realising I was lovable - my road to recovery got smoother.

Life is definitely worth living...sober... one day at a time.

Good luck and hang out here with us as much as you can.

Kmber2010

Glad you are here and sharing Whatdo. Lots of info and amazing support at SR. Good input has been given so read through and check out the link.

I would focus on the fact that you want to stop and work around that. Everything has its place and is sorted out in due time.

Key for me was stopping and getting support. Everything in my life and how I live it improved drastically with sobriety. I am far better person then I was before and until I got sober I didn't even realize how much I was truly missing out on. So stick with what you know....you know you have a problem and you want to do something about it. That is a start my friend.

As others have shared....alcoholism is progressive and while many (incl. me) drank for years with no real negative outcomes....it always seems to culminate into a real ugly mess in a short period of time. Kinda like where you wake up feeling like someone just beat you over the head. Scary stuff.

Glad you are stepping up now and I am looking forward to sharing the journey

least

Welcome to SR! Start with not drinking today. Just for today, don't drink. Do this every day. No matter what recovery program, if any, that you use, work it with all your heart and soul. Living sober is so worth it.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I think you should go to another dr, if you are unsure about your present dr's advice.

And, I do agree that there are underlying problems as to why we drink. I believe that drinking is a symptom and if you stop drinking, without dealing with the underlying issues, you won't be able to recover.

And, here at SR, we do understand. It will be very hard for others to understand that you know you have a problem.

Zebra1275

Your story sounds sorta like mine, except I didn't drink as much beer every night as you. But as other's have said, this is progressive. I get the sense you are drinking alone, not good. At 26 I had finished graduate school, had a great job, was well respected, never had any legal issues, etc. I continued what you are currently doing (but with a gradual increase in the alcohol intake) for 20 more years. Around age 46 I ended up doing a 3 day medical detox in the hospital and it was the first time my wife realized I had a drinking problem (and she is a smart lady, I was just really good at hiding things).

You mentioned that you have a problem. At age 26 I knew I did too. I just decided I would confront my problem . . . tomorrow. Tomorrow never came.

CarolD

Welcome ....

When I wanted to quit drinking....I went directly to AA.
Still doing AA.....it's an awesome way to live sober..

All my best

SSIL75

Helllo and welcome!

I was a high functioning alcoholic for a long time and then gradually became less functional (pockets of horrible binges) but even so I would say I was a 'high bottom' alcoholic. I don't even like that term b/c I think a 'bottom' is unecessary to change your life.

The main thing I came to realize was that even though alcohol might not have been robbing me of anything that I HAD (that in itself is a dubious statement. I was not the mother I am now when I was drinking).. it certainly was robbing me of everything I was meant to be.

It was making me sleep badly, anxious, snappy with my kids, self obsessed, fat And was of course taking years off my life. Years that belong to my children and husband. Not a wine bottle (who am I kidding. Wine box )

So, maybe think of the potential you have that is being stunted by the hours you're spending drinking. And I'm sure your wife is not thrilled with the way things are, either.

re: detox, recovery etc. I tapered a bit to quit (usually considered a difficult route). AA is not for me. I use some Rational Recovery concepts. And I read here, a LOT. And the main thing: I have fully accepted that I can't drink again, ever.

Stick around and share your journey with us!

Forwards

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I'm still lost in the woods myself but I believe a 'high functioning alcoholic' is almost by definition a temporary state. Over time you either end up high functioning or an alcoholic. At your age (not so long ago) I maintained the high functioning bit for years, knowing that I shouldn't be drinking every night. Guess which aspect won out in the end...

I have read here that it's not so much 'what you drink' as 'why you drink'. I'd personally add that it's also 'how you feel when you drink'. For me guilt and anxiety about my drinking was (and is) one of the clear signs I have a problem.

So, on to the question of where to start... A few weeks without any drinking at all will give you some perspective. Reading here on SR of course might well ring a few bells and give further insight.

Good luck!

RobbyRobot

Hi,

We all have some issues in our lives, we're only human. You'll need to become more honest with yourself if you truly want to stop drinking. We don't change ourselves because we have no issues or problems, and you're no different. Living in denial can be a major problem in itself when we drink alcoholically.

I am suggesting instead of saying everything you don't have a problem with, that you try to share actual issues and difficulties you do have with yourself, others, life in general. None of us are perfect, of course. There are experiences you can share, if you want to share. Don't pre-judge whether or not they are alcoholic issues to do with drinking. Just share from yourself, and your real life experiences. Just let it flow out.

You may or may not be an alcoholic. In any case, you're on the right track and in the right place to discover for good and all what you mean when you say -- "you know you have a problem."

Rob

wpainterw

Hi Whatdoidonext:
I'm always wary of doctors who have some financial interest behind their advice. And some of that can be pretty weird. I remember a doc in a large midwestern city who had this theory that alcoholism is merely a symptom of unresolved sexual issues. He wanted me to join his support group (open to all regardless of sexual orientation) to resolve my sexual issues. I declined and continued to drink. So does that mean he was right? Now I've got 22 years of sobriety and my sexual issues, for what they were, never did get resolved and I suspect that it's now too late. But I can still imagine what it might have been like if I had followed that medical advice! A bunch of drunks in a little room talking about... well anyway, good luck!

W.

whatdoidonext

Noone would ever know how much I drink at work, but I have expressed my concern to my wife and my parents and they are supportive to help, but don't really think I need to go to a treatment center. Also have told some friends at work that are recovering alcoholics, and they have both offered to go to a meeting with me as support. Everyone says it is a progressive disease, but when I first started around 21, I drank 8-12 beers a night and now only drink 6-8.

I have been reading many stories here, and it has been awesome, as I finally find people that can relate.

I have gone days without drinking, and get by fine doing it, but the witdrawl effect scare me to death. I have gone about 4 days without drinking and didn't think anything about it, but now after reading up on the withdrawl effects, I'm worried to do it again. When I went those 4 days, I didn't decide to quit, just give it a break and had no idea there were sever effects to alcohol withdrawl.

Dee74

I think the point people are trying to make is you can't count on alcoholism to be predictable.

I drank for 20 years - for maybe 13 of those years I was a hard 'binge' drinker but I was pretty consistent in my habits...then, for no discernible reason, that changed - and I found, no matter how I tried, I could never go back to the old way. It probably wasn't overnight but it sure felt that way.

The other thing to remember is, by the time I was done, it actually took me less alcohol to get my buzz.

While it can actually be a sign you're doing some damage to yourself, it's also true a lot of us just naturally ease back as we get older...in any case drinking less is not necessarily any better in real terms if we're still drinking to excess every night.

It's the same with the withdrawal thing - you might be fine...but you may not...none of us can say..we're not doctors.

I detoxed by myself hundreds of times and was ok...but my last detox was not a good one - I suffered some mini strokes, and I'll carry the legacies of that forever now.

But hey look - you might be lucky in all this - but even if you did stay at your current level forever, you're still worried about that, so I guess this is all kinda a moot point....LOL :chatter

I hope you find a meeting helpful

D

Stang

Similar for me. I drank more heavily than most people from age 15 on up. I lifted weights, could run three miles and practiced jujitsu all after a 12 hour night shift! At age 40 though it started coming down on me like a sledge hammer! My strength, stamina, and desire for martial arts were gone. I drank more the last 3 1/2 years than ever...I just couldn't stop! The emotional effect was as bad as the physical. My job performance was in the sewer and after hundreds of "detoxes" aka hangovers that last one just beat the $hit out of me!
I feel better now than I did in my early 30's but it almost killed me. I say quit while you are ahead!