I hate today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: WA
Posts: 4
I hate today
I should be proud. I am 6 days sober, all these days I have been very productive and excited about life. Tonight... It is my friend's birthday and I have not had a drink, yet I have NO EXCITEMENT about life or anything in general.
I hate today. All of my friends have been drinking, and they know that I am quitting, and they all told me they would help me on my recovery. How can I lead a normal life where my friend's drink? I love my friends, they all support me, or so I thought, but they were drinking when I was just standing there. My normal daily life includes hanging out with them, so how do I abandon my husband and friends in my sober recovery? I have talked to my husband, and of course he is happy about the idea of recovery, but I worry that the IDEA sounds nice, while the actual application of it is near impossible. I don't know. I need help.... I need advice...
-GradStudent
I hate today. All of my friends have been drinking, and they know that I am quitting, and they all told me they would help me on my recovery. How can I lead a normal life where my friend's drink? I love my friends, they all support me, or so I thought, but they were drinking when I was just standing there. My normal daily life includes hanging out with them, so how do I abandon my husband and friends in my sober recovery? I have talked to my husband, and of course he is happy about the idea of recovery, but I worry that the IDEA sounds nice, while the actual application of it is near impossible. I don't know. I need help.... I need advice...
-GradStudent
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi GS and welcome to SR.
6 days is great but you might be asking a little much f your new sobriety by putting it in a parry scene. The fact is...we need to learn how to go through life dry in a world that continues to drink. That includes your friends and husband. Everyone here has a different approach to this problem. Some avoid drinking events for the first year or two of sobriety. Frankly I wouldihave lost my job with that approach And would not have been able to see my family.
I did a lot of intense negative association excercises early on and it has been a terrific help. I can be in drinking situations without to much difficulty. I wont say its easy simply because I find drinking people annoying and tedious and if I am standing close to someone who is drinking the smell makes me somewhat queasy.
Until you have an approach (other than moderation) that works for you...you might want to avoid drinking parties.
6 days is great but you might be asking a little much f your new sobriety by putting it in a parry scene. The fact is...we need to learn how to go through life dry in a world that continues to drink. That includes your friends and husband. Everyone here has a different approach to this problem. Some avoid drinking events for the first year or two of sobriety. Frankly I wouldihave lost my job with that approach And would not have been able to see my family.
I did a lot of intense negative association excercises early on and it has been a terrific help. I can be in drinking situations without to much difficulty. I wont say its easy simply because I find drinking people annoying and tedious and if I am standing close to someone who is drinking the smell makes me somewhat queasy.
Until you have an approach (other than moderation) that works for you...you might want to avoid drinking parties.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,446
Hi GradStudent
I nearly died from my drinking...and it still took me a while - a lot longer than 6 days - not to feel resentful, upset or angry about other people drinking in my life.
I'm glad I stuck it out because I've changed my life for the better...I've literally never been happier, more useful, or more at peace...I've grown a lot and I like who I am again - and drinking around me no longer bothers me - it's just not important to me anymore
Don;t take my word for it - there's a lot of other happy sober people here too
You know why you're not drinking - keep that focus - things will level out and fall into place.
D
I nearly died from my drinking...and it still took me a while - a lot longer than 6 days - not to feel resentful, upset or angry about other people drinking in my life.
I'm glad I stuck it out because I've changed my life for the better...I've literally never been happier, more useful, or more at peace...I've grown a lot and I like who I am again - and drinking around me no longer bothers me - it's just not important to me anymore
Don;t take my word for it - there's a lot of other happy sober people here too
You know why you're not drinking - keep that focus - things will level out and fall into place.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
I can sure relate to hating today, for I hated alot of days, many of which I was hungover and hating myself.
I don't feel that way today.
The change occurred for me when I decided to stop drinking because it was affecting my life in negative ways and I wanted more out of my life. It took much soul-searching, consideration and agony to bring this contemplation to bear, but it actually, as painful as it was, made me focus on the kind of life I want to live, not how others live. It's a very personal decision.
I don't feel that way today.
The change occurred for me when I decided to stop drinking because it was affecting my life in negative ways and I wanted more out of my life. It took much soul-searching, consideration and agony to bring this contemplation to bear, but it actually, as painful as it was, made me focus on the kind of life I want to live, not how others live. It's a very personal decision.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Wiltshire, England
Posts: 233
Hi GS. Congratulations on 6 days! Take how much better you feel today as opposed to this time last week and use that to get you through until tomorrow.
I can't speak for anyone but myself but I have decided that I might need to suspend alot of friendships for a while. So many of them revolve around bars and drinking. The genuine friends will understand that I can't be around them at the moment.
I can't speak for anyone but myself but I have decided that I might need to suspend alot of friendships for a while. So many of them revolve around bars and drinking. The genuine friends will understand that I can't be around them at the moment.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
Congratulations on 6 sober days.
It's definitely not impossible to live a sober life and you can see that by looking around here. You can do it, too!
I think early recovery is a time of great change, and for me, I couldn't be around alcohol for a very long time. It was way too stressful for me. I hope you can find a way to be with people and be involved in activities that don't involve drinking.
It's definitely not impossible to live a sober life and you can see that by looking around here. You can do it, too!
I think early recovery is a time of great change, and for me, I couldn't be around alcohol for a very long time. It was way too stressful for me. I hope you can find a way to be with people and be involved in activities that don't involve drinking.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm glad you came home sober from the party....
Early sobriety is difficult...any way you cut it.
I felt unsettled...peeved and deprived when I continued
to hang out with drinkers after my goal of sobriety.
Yes....most of those former friends drifted away
friendships are not always forever......everyone changes.
The few who supported me..remain true friends.
They do not drink when we are together.
The point is to choose things that benefit your future.
For me...that meant becoming a non drinker..
I found a whole new social circle in AA...
.people who also were interested in living sober.
Early sobriety is difficult...any way you cut it.
I felt unsettled...peeved and deprived when I continued
to hang out with drinkers after my goal of sobriety.
Yes....most of those former friends drifted away
friendships are not always forever......everyone changes.
The few who supported me..remain true friends.
They do not drink when we are together.
The point is to choose things that benefit your future.
For me...that meant becoming a non drinker..
I found a whole new social circle in AA...
.people who also were interested in living sober.
Last edited by CarolD; 10-17-2010 at 04:44 PM. Reason: Typo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
You have your whole life ahead ... It will be longer and healthier if you get recovered ... This will work out in ways you can't yet imagine ... Get through this tough stretch ... Get your thesis or dissertation done ... Find your own self, in mind, spirit and body ...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
GS - You have much support here and there are way too many people who have removed alcohol from their lives and guess what??? We are loving sobriety far more then ever could have been imagined.
For me, the beginning was rough as in - how am I going to do this? Yes, people drink and they will continue to do so. I can not because I am no longer a social drinker and I learned over years of self destruction and headbanging that moderation/cutting back does not work for me.
I got support to help me in recovery. Yes, I could sit on the sidelines sober but I know that only lasts for so long before I cave in and go right back to boozing. I had to make positive change as most will tell you comes in recovery. Learning to live life again with out alcohol, enjoying and embracing sobriety. I am grateful everyday that I am sober and I free.
In the beginning I didn't go to bars (still don't really....I mean why...I don't drink) and didn't surround myself with drinking situations.
Yes, we are excited to get back to our lives and face things head on (all that newly sober energy we have) but I think pushing ourselves too soon with the expectation of normalcy is a lot for us.
Take it easy and if you are not ready to be around drinking at this point then politely decline and enjoy some sober activities. Point is...you quit drinking for a reason here....others didn't. Focus on you and as this journey is yours my friend and the work we do now sets up the foundation so down the road you can comfortably be in a drinking situation enjoying a sprite or juice perhaps.
Hang in.....posting here is good. Focus on you and what works best and know that there are many options for recovery. The rest will come in time as we gain the tools and begin seeing just how better our lives really are in sobriety
For me, the beginning was rough as in - how am I going to do this? Yes, people drink and they will continue to do so. I can not because I am no longer a social drinker and I learned over years of self destruction and headbanging that moderation/cutting back does not work for me.
I got support to help me in recovery. Yes, I could sit on the sidelines sober but I know that only lasts for so long before I cave in and go right back to boozing. I had to make positive change as most will tell you comes in recovery. Learning to live life again with out alcohol, enjoying and embracing sobriety. I am grateful everyday that I am sober and I free.
In the beginning I didn't go to bars (still don't really....I mean why...I don't drink) and didn't surround myself with drinking situations.
Yes, we are excited to get back to our lives and face things head on (all that newly sober energy we have) but I think pushing ourselves too soon with the expectation of normalcy is a lot for us.
Take it easy and if you are not ready to be around drinking at this point then politely decline and enjoy some sober activities. Point is...you quit drinking for a reason here....others didn't. Focus on you and as this journey is yours my friend and the work we do now sets up the foundation so down the road you can comfortably be in a drinking situation enjoying a sprite or juice perhaps.
Hang in.....posting here is good. Focus on you and what works best and know that there are many options for recovery. The rest will come in time as we gain the tools and begin seeing just how better our lives really are in sobriety
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Seattle!
Posts: 211
Hi GradStudent,
First, CONGRATS on 6 days! That's major league awesome stuff! Having said that, it is just day 6, as many have already commented on. I know on my day 6 I was sitting indoors (and hanging out on SR!). I was not doing too much of anything socially (just my own preference, not recommending that per se!), just hanging in and kind of getting my head around what it was I was doing (now that drinking wasn't the answer to that question!).
It took a while to feel 'normal' hanging around situations where alcohol is being consumed. Everyone takes their own amount of time feeling OK with it - and some choose to just not go that route altogether. It's totally up to you. Having just about a week into sobriety, you might find you want to take it easy going straight out into situations where people are going to be partying.
Having drank in a progressively worse way for 10 years straight, I can say it IS possible to leave alcohol behind and still have friends, be social, and (in my case anyway) be out and about around alcohol and not have it negatively affect yourself.
Congrats on day 6, hang in there! Post here often - SR helped me TREMENDOUSLY in my very early days - and today, too!
First, CONGRATS on 6 days! That's major league awesome stuff! Having said that, it is just day 6, as many have already commented on. I know on my day 6 I was sitting indoors (and hanging out on SR!). I was not doing too much of anything socially (just my own preference, not recommending that per se!), just hanging in and kind of getting my head around what it was I was doing (now that drinking wasn't the answer to that question!).
It took a while to feel 'normal' hanging around situations where alcohol is being consumed. Everyone takes their own amount of time feeling OK with it - and some choose to just not go that route altogether. It's totally up to you. Having just about a week into sobriety, you might find you want to take it easy going straight out into situations where people are going to be partying.
Having drank in a progressively worse way for 10 years straight, I can say it IS possible to leave alcohol behind and still have friends, be social, and (in my case anyway) be out and about around alcohol and not have it negatively affect yourself.
Congrats on day 6, hang in there! Post here often - SR helped me TREMENDOUSLY in my very early days - and today, too!
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