So, could it be his fault?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
So, could it be his fault?
I keep trying to quit drinking but I have such a hard time when our life is so full of entertaining. YES I am at fault and I dont have to drink the other 2 or three days of the week but... if I stop drinking entirely I am worried that our whole life will be different... to the point that entertaining lifestyle that we lead will dissipate.. and then what?
I am bored at home, I work from home and have two kids so its hard to get out. I really look forward to those days when we have people over or go out for an evening. They ALL involve drinking usually.
I guess what I am saying is that I am worried that what I will be left with is not much at all. Thats pretty pathetic.. There must be life beyond parties and booze.
I am bored at home, I work from home and have two kids so its hard to get out. I really look forward to those days when we have people over or go out for an evening. They ALL involve drinking usually.
I guess what I am saying is that I am worried that what I will be left with is not much at all. Thats pretty pathetic.. There must be life beyond parties and booze.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Do you feel that you are suffering consequences from your drinking? Have you taken any tests, I think there might be some here on the forum, to determine if you have a problem?
It sounds like you are in the stage where you are trying to decide if you have a problem or not...
It sounds like you are in the stage where you are trying to decide if you have a problem or not...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Yes, you're right, there is life beyond parties and booze.
One of my greatest concerns while contemplating giving up alcohol and getting sober was how does one really live without alcohol. It's not easy at first, but it gets easier.
Life without booze becomes real, so people we interact with also become real, not the same people we perceive them to be while we're under the influence. In many cases this change in perception actually enhances the enjoyment we share while dining or going out with others. Alcohol always gives a false sense of happiness, which ultimately ends in hangovers, negative feelings regarding ourselves and our lifestyles, and physical repercussions as well. These are major distractions from the good times we seek, whether at home or elsewhere.
When we're accustomed to having alcohol at all our party occasions, we come to depend on the buzz, the temporary escape from reality, and cannot envision life without that occasional reprieve. Once we begin to ask if it is possible to enjoy life without alcohol, it is evident that life with alcohol has lost much of its luster and is now causing difficulties as a result of our dependence upon this substance to fuel our need for entertainment endeavors. Alcohol loses its ability to sustain a good time.
One of my greatest concerns while contemplating giving up alcohol and getting sober was how does one really live without alcohol. It's not easy at first, but it gets easier.
Life without booze becomes real, so people we interact with also become real, not the same people we perceive them to be while we're under the influence. In many cases this change in perception actually enhances the enjoyment we share while dining or going out with others. Alcohol always gives a false sense of happiness, which ultimately ends in hangovers, negative feelings regarding ourselves and our lifestyles, and physical repercussions as well. These are major distractions from the good times we seek, whether at home or elsewhere.
When we're accustomed to having alcohol at all our party occasions, we come to depend on the buzz, the temporary escape from reality, and cannot envision life without that occasional reprieve. Once we begin to ask if it is possible to enjoy life without alcohol, it is evident that life with alcohol has lost much of its luster and is now causing difficulties as a result of our dependence upon this substance to fuel our need for entertainment endeavors. Alcohol loses its ability to sustain a good time.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
If there was no life beyond parties and booze SR would be a lot more busy than it is, Shelly lol 
Changing your life involves change - there's no way around that.
I tried for 20 years to keep my old life and just not drink to excess. I couldn't do that because alcohol - any alcohol - affects me in such a way I go...mental.
You have to make a choice - the same choice we all did.
Either you stop drinking and trust all of us when we say, even with the changes we have to make, you'll never regret it (I never have)...or you can keep running with your current life and take your chances.
There's no middle option as far as I know, Shelly.
If I'm blunt it's because someone I know is on a drugs and booze rampage tonight - and tomorrow morning they'll have to deal with all the physical and emotional wreckage...which they'll do by getting pilled and drunk again.....
It's simply no way for anyone to live.
D
Changing your life involves change - there's no way around that.
I tried for 20 years to keep my old life and just not drink to excess. I couldn't do that because alcohol - any alcohol - affects me in such a way I go...mental.
You have to make a choice - the same choice we all did.
Either you stop drinking and trust all of us when we say, even with the changes we have to make, you'll never regret it (I never have)...or you can keep running with your current life and take your chances.
There's no middle option as far as I know, Shelly.
If I'm blunt it's because someone I know is on a drugs and booze rampage tonight - and tomorrow morning they'll have to deal with all the physical and emotional wreckage...which they'll do by getting pilled and drunk again.....
It's simply no way for anyone to live.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Originally Posted by shelly009 
I guess what I am saying is that I am worried that what I will be left with is not much at all. Thats pretty pathetic.. There must be life beyond parties and booze.
I found that when I quit and my life didn't revolve around alcohol that there was a whole slew of activities and things in life that I didn't even think of before.
Sobriety opens doors - skys the limit so to speak.
I assure you that the social life of an alcoholic is limited and it will eventually end.
You can do this. Just know there is work that needs to be done but man it feels so good to be free again
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
We love to entertain, too. Are you sure people drink as much as you think they do? I'm surprised when we entertain now to see that people really don't drink that much. I mean some people do (one of my friend's husbands was always my 'go to' guy at parties).
Anyway, with kids you must get a lot of alcohol free or alcohol-lite invitations? I have small kids and since I quit I've had more to do I think. All the stuff I totally rolled my eyes at before (man, I was an ass****!).
Your obsession with alcohol should dissipate in time. I don't know if it's a derivitive of OCD or something. Imagine planning your social life around the colors of the tables or something equally obscure. It's just not rational to put that much stock in the presence or absence of alcohol. That's how I can see it now, anyway. But I just recently started to see it that way. For the first time since I started drinking 18 years ago.
Anyway, with kids you must get a lot of alcohol free or alcohol-lite invitations? I have small kids and since I quit I've had more to do I think. All the stuff I totally rolled my eyes at before (man, I was an ass****!).
Your obsession with alcohol should dissipate in time. I don't know if it's a derivitive of OCD or something. Imagine planning your social life around the colors of the tables or something equally obscure. It's just not rational to put that much stock in the presence or absence of alcohol. That's how I can see it now, anyway. But I just recently started to see it that way. For the first time since I started drinking 18 years ago.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
I agree there are many alternatives to entertaining, rather than alcohol.
It's hard to make the choice to live a sober life and to acknowledge the changes that need to go with that. But, I think if you look around here, you will find that we entertain, have fun and get involved in lots of activities.
It's hard to make the choice to live a sober life and to acknowledge the changes that need to go with that. But, I think if you look around here, you will find that we entertain, have fun and get involved in lots of activities.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 80
There is a better life beyond parties and booze. Do you feel that you could still socialize with the same people without drinking? Or do you want to take get away from it completely? Are you placing more emphasis on the drinking itself and obsessive thoughts around it, or is it the socializing that's the important driver?
There's some irony in it, but I've found that things are actually more entertaining without the booze, because I am able to be keenly tuned into what other people are actually saying and therefore, better able to engage and deepen friendships.
For better or worse, being sober has added a dimension of "whoa" when seeing what effects drinking has on other people. It's become a reinforcement of why to abstain on many levels. It also makes me realize that other people don't drink as much as I used to think. Maybe the first step is framing not drinking in a positive, like doing an experiment to see what it's like to be sober when other people drink. It may add to your reasons for quitting and to your resolve to do so.
Good luck and be well.
There's some irony in it, but I've found that things are actually more entertaining without the booze, because I am able to be keenly tuned into what other people are actually saying and therefore, better able to engage and deepen friendships.
For better or worse, being sober has added a dimension of "whoa" when seeing what effects drinking has on other people. It's become a reinforcement of why to abstain on many levels. It also makes me realize that other people don't drink as much as I used to think. Maybe the first step is framing not drinking in a positive, like doing an experiment to see what it's like to be sober when other people drink. It may add to your reasons for quitting and to your resolve to do so.
Good luck and be well.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
At the beginning of my sobriety, I found it difficult to socialize without booze.....I'm heading into 9 months now and it's way better than before.....I still feel abit awkward but I would rather be feeling that than drunk.......believe me I was the go to girl for a party in "my day" believe me when I say life is sooooooo much better without it!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
I've found entertaining and parties to be a lot MORE enjoyable w/o the booze because for 1 thing I'm actually there in the moment and if I'm doing the entertaining I'm a much better hostest since I'm sober. It also turns out the majority of the other people were not drinking the quantities that I was and they seem to like me more now, now the certain "friends" I had that were just drinking buddies I don't associate with them anymore because all we really ever had in common was getting drunk. Life w/o alcohol is more engaging and more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.
Practice Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: KC missouri
Posts: 885
I was scared of what my life was without drinking, but then the scales go towards, I was scared of keep drinking. So in between when you hate drinking but hate not drinking it's time to choose. Once you get some spirtual experience, you can't imagine it any other way, but it takes work.
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
"Nobody's fault but mine" to quote Robert Plant.
At the end of the day drink is legal. Go ahead and drink if you want to drink, but put up with consequences of drinking. That is the reality of the situation.
For me then drinking would mean getting totally wasted to the point where I don't give a f*ck about life or anything. For me drinking could only ever lead to prison, insitution or death. There really ain't another alternative as I'm an alcoholic. Simple. When I drank it was into oblivion whether entertaining or not.
You may not be an alcoholic and so for you then it isn't life or death. For me it is definately life or death. I would undoubtedly drink myself to death if i didn't work my recovery daily. I would lose everything and it would be such a terrible waste.
I don't want to sound short with you either but I have to tell my truth. It might not be your truth so great.
In short yes entertaining ain;t going to be the same without booze. You may find it loses it's magic totally and it's sh*t. Because you have to feel evrything and have no chemical buzz to stimulate conversations or general laughs and activities. But if you're an alcoholic then it's tough. Like it or lump it. You either get sober or you don't, simple.
I had to accept that recovery has to be my life and so my priorities and expectations have to change. For me then a drink would mean the park bench and despite what my insane alcoholic depressive voice might tell me then i know I would hate it when I was sitting therem as I experinced it far too many times and it's very lonely. I can feel very lonely at times now but at least i have hope, if I take a drink then I have no hope, just another can of Tennants Super.
You either get sober or you don't. Things have to change and your life has to change, mine did anyway or else I would probably be dead now.
At the end of the day drink is legal. Go ahead and drink if you want to drink, but put up with consequences of drinking. That is the reality of the situation.
For me then drinking would mean getting totally wasted to the point where I don't give a f*ck about life or anything. For me drinking could only ever lead to prison, insitution or death. There really ain't another alternative as I'm an alcoholic. Simple. When I drank it was into oblivion whether entertaining or not.
You may not be an alcoholic and so for you then it isn't life or death. For me it is definately life or death. I would undoubtedly drink myself to death if i didn't work my recovery daily. I would lose everything and it would be such a terrible waste.
I don't want to sound short with you either but I have to tell my truth. It might not be your truth so great.
In short yes entertaining ain;t going to be the same without booze. You may find it loses it's magic totally and it's sh*t. Because you have to feel evrything and have no chemical buzz to stimulate conversations or general laughs and activities. But if you're an alcoholic then it's tough. Like it or lump it. You either get sober or you don't, simple.
I had to accept that recovery has to be my life and so my priorities and expectations have to change. For me then a drink would mean the park bench and despite what my insane alcoholic depressive voice might tell me then i know I would hate it when I was sitting therem as I experinced it far too many times and it's very lonely. I can feel very lonely at times now but at least i have hope, if I take a drink then I have no hope, just another can of Tennants Super.
You either get sober or you don't. Things have to change and your life has to change, mine did anyway or else I would probably be dead now.
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