BigTex3

I'm on day 3 (woohoo for me!) and I'm doing ok for the most part, but my 3 beautiful kids are about to drive me up a wall. I'm sure my nerves are shot going through my detox, but geez, the little buggers are about to make me nuts. The constant whining, fighting, and yelling is about to send me off the deep end.

any tips or encouragement on how to get through this time?

PS - I should add that I whole-heartedly love my kiddos with all my heart!!

GettingStronger2

BigTex --

Not sure the ages of your kids. . .mine are 7, 5 and 4. . .and I hear you with the fighting, whining and crying! Oh, boy can I identify!

I am just shy of 90 days sober now, and I am getting used to dealing with it sober. . .but I so well know what you are feeling right now. My nerves would go on edge in the first 60 days with the kids, and all I could think was "man, a drink would be great right now!"

And the thing is, one drink may have helped to a degree. . .BUT I am unable to have one drink. One drink ends in one hundred drinks (well, maybe not that many, but a lot more than one!). And then I am back to where I was or worse.

As time has gone by, I have been better equipped to deal with the fighting, screaming, whining (that is the one that really gets me!), crying, etc. I handle it better now than when I was drinking. . .doesn't irritate me less, but I am handling the situations better.

It will get better. I promise. There may be times you really have to hang on edge to wait it out, but you will get there. Remember, drinking won't make it better. Drinking won't stop them from fighting, whining, crying. .. being kids and siblings.

least

My kids were teens when I started my short but brilliant drinking career a few years ago. I started drinking to ease the stress of (not) getting along with them. One of the reasons for me not to drink again is to prove to me and to them that I do not drink over stress any more.

You're very early in sobriety, give yourself time to adjust to living 'normally'. It will pass...

julez

BigTex, this is gonna sound awful, but I really think the reason my drinking escalated the way that it did was because of my teen daughter. Aside from her just being a teenaged girl, she was going through some pretty tough stuff, and was giving me a pretty rough time too. I won't go into details here, but suffice it to say it was beyond normal teen stuff. I learned to deal with things sober by being thankful for the opportunities I had with my kids while I WAS sober. Those talks that you can be truly present for, being able to share whats going in their lives, and actually remembering it the next day, etc. The more times I had that were good, the more worth it it was to stay sober. Don't misunderstand, they are still teenagers, with their mouthy, messy behaviors and they still drive me up a wall, but with the anxiety of drinking gone, I can deal with it much better than I thought I could.

Goat

Congrats on your sober time! Setting out to Correct these problems instead of drowning them is a great start!

When the kids get on my nerves like that it's a sign that their behavior is not acceptable, but that I have not yet found the best way to correct it.

It is never too late to implement an appropriate discipline program. Lay out logical, simple rules and corrections for breaking the rules, and make sure the kids understand and agree to them.

Once the rules are made, do not remind them of the rules. They know the rules already. If they break the rules, implement the correction... the FIRST time.

Kids respond very well to clear, enforced boundaries. If you do it well you can expect a saner house within a few days!

-Goat

SSIL75

I have found when my kids are driving me insane it's because we are all bored or (especially in sobriety) I am at this point lacking the skills I need to manage their behavior appropriately. I'm lacking lots of skills. I was reading a thread in another forum (here) about drinking being an almost Pavlovian response to stress. I can relate so much to that. So for me it's about practicing.. practicing new, healthy gentle responses to common kid-related stresses.

Anna

Yes, I think a lot of early recovery is about learning new ways to deal with daily life.

Have you looked around your community for things to do as a family, or kid-oriented activites? Many Libraries offer children's programs during the summer.

Stay strong!

aasharon90

I too reflect back on my
early yrs and babies and
drinking.

I used the excuse to drink
in the afternoon to unwhine
or it was my reward for making
it thru the day with my own
2 kids.

They were around 3 and 6 when
i began to venture to clubs to
have my own time out and left
the kids in great hands with their
dad.

My drinking lead me to coming
home at wee hours and arguments.

Then Feb. 1990 I ran off the road
hitting a concrete culvert sitting
on top the ground landing me
in the hospital for 10 days.

I thought that was the end of my
drinking days.....however it wasnt.

After a few months healing almost
perfectly without alcohol I thought
I could drink sucessfully.

I drank and tried to end my last
miserable attempt with a hand
fulll of pills.

Family stepped in with an intervention
doing for me what I couldnt do
for myself. Get me help to stop
drinking.

I spent 28 days away from my little
ones which set me on the path of
recovery and raise my kids alcohol
free.

That was 20 yrs ago.

Im grateful for my recovery and
havin the chance to raise two
awesome grown adults today.