WastedTime

So after being sober for 48 days and going strong (the longest I’ve been sober for over 4 years), I got that little thought in my head that told me it’s okay to just have a little to drink, and then before I knew it my life as an alcoholic came right back.

I woke up this morning after two days of heavy binging with a blank/fuzzy memory, an angry girlfriend, and a terrible hangover. I couldn’t even go to work today and had to call in sick. I’m full of embarresment, regret, guilt, and stupidity and wish that I had been smarter. I knew deep down that once I took that first drink I wouldn’t stop until I completely messed things up and couldn’t function anymore. And that's exactly what happened.

So, this is Day 1, again… and feeling kind of low. I’m scared that I will never be able to stop doing this to myself and to the people I love.

This is my first time posting but I've been reading around the site for quite a few months and it's been helpful. I need to stop drinking and stay sober or everything in my life is going to continue to get worse. Any support or suggestions would be much appreciated.

Abender

You WILL be able to do it. Getting down on yourself won't help, just do better today. Lots of folks have been in the same situation and gone on to staying sober. Use these feelings to reinforce why you don't want to drink any more.

Also, thanks for the first post. I'm staying away from my favorite watering hole tonight to avoid tomorrow being day 1 again (I'm on day 8). You've helped me today.

Dee74

Welcome to SR WastedTime

Yeah that little voice gets most of us...noone wants to be an alcoholic.
But accepting that I was, and accepting what the right course for me is, helped me a lot.

You'll find a lot of help and support here
D

GettingStronger2

WT, what were you doing to stay sober in those 48 days? Reflecting on what you were doing, and why the alcoholic voice was strong enough to get you to drink again could help.

Slips happen. Just learn from them and get up and move forward.

Anna

I know how scary it is, but know that you can do this.

I would ask you what changes you made in your life during those 48 days, besides stopping drinking?

artsoul

WastedTime - glad you posted! You may find, like I did, that it makes a big difference to get honest about your own situation (as opposed to just reading what everyone else is going through). I hope you'll keep posting - it's been a huge amount of help for me.

You can still be proud of those 48 days. And sometimes a slip helps us realize how important it is to do something every day related to our recovery. If it were easy, none of us would be here.

ERNIETWANG

I've been to three AA meetings now and you would not believe the number of people in AA who have relasped, however they have not given up, they start over. There are a few that have been in AA for over 25 years but they haven't been "SOBER" the whole time. Just be honest, admit you had a brain fart and start over. That's the best thing about AA we wont judge you, we have been there and theres no limit to the number of white chips you can get "1st day of sobriety". Life is short and funny if you beat yourself up over this slip you are not doing anybody any good shoot for 49 or 50 days this time and see what happens, keep in mind usually experiments amongst us drunks are not good ideas. Good luck, I'm only on day 25 "this Time"

Ghostly

Welcome to SR and good luck. Look forward not back. You need to do things differently this tme.

LexieCat

WastedTime,

You asked for suggestions. I am going to suggest you try an AA meeting. Listen to the people who share, and see if you can relate to how they drank.

It's a great way of life, and can get you off the hamster-wheel of addiction.

WastedTime

Thank you everyone for the advice and replies.

Like a lot of you have been saying I need to just take this as bump in the road in my recovery, learn from it, and move on. That's hard to do right now while I'm still feeling the physical and mental effects but I know I need to suck it up and get on with focusing on keeping myself sober.

What helped me the most when I stopped the last time was that I finally convinced myself that I can't have just one drink and be fine and that if I continued drinking the way I did, things would no doubt get worse. Also constantly reminding myself how horrible the daily hangovers were and how bad the withdrawal was also a big deterent. But then I lost my focus, "forgot" that I'm an alcoholic, and made a bad decision. I think I need to be more actively involved with my sobriety so I don’t “forget” and continue to remind myself of the person that I don’t want be and can’t be.

I hope I can get some rest tonight. My brain is so scattered it hurts to think. It’s been taking me a while to gather my thoughts and post; a LOT longer than it should. But, doing this post today has been a big step for me as I would never have done this in the past, especially on the first day of being back on the wagon.

I think my plan for tomorrow will be to figure out some ways to be more active in staying sober. I’ll definetely be roaming around this very helpful site.

Thanks again everyone for the insites.

ForAddynDaddy

Take it day by day, minute by minute and before you know it you'll be looking at day 49 and looking forward to 50. You know that you have been strong enough to do it once and you found the strength to start over and try again.

Dont give up, you know you have it in you.

wpainterw

Wasted Time: Glad you're back on the road to recovery. When you do your thinking you might consider focussing on what things you did during those 48 days which helped you stay sober, and secondly, what led you to give in to the thought that you could have only one "small" drink and then quit. At the time you had that thought were you hungry, angry, lonely, tired? Something else? Are there methods for you to avoid being vulnerable in these ways? Is "one drink" ever enough? I've heard many alcoholics say that one drink is sheer torture. When that "one drink" idea gets into your head, would it be helpful to remind yourself that your body is playing tricks on your mind so as to get the alcohol back in its system. It's going to try to do that and to survive you will have to anticipate its attempts and make sure that they don't succeed. A good way is to go to a meeting or call up another alcoholic and talk it over. And, as you say, Think of the hangovers, the withdrawal. They will get worse with time. Good luck.

Fluttering

Hi wastedtime
welcome back..you can do this...One day at a time...and you can not do this alone..none of us could First word of step one is "WE"

YANA