aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and I'm an Alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I haven't found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and you I am truely grateful.



"Don't tell me what to do."

This is what I told myself at 19
when I left home many moons
ago.

These words were not aimed just
to my mom, but to anyone who
tried to control me.

Anyone with authority.

To this day I am still stuborn
and defiante when it comes
to having someone TELL me
what I need to do.

Maybe that is why I can't work
for anyone or hold down a job.

However......

Because of my stubborness and
thick head, I have stayed sober
because I am doing it my way
or on my own terms.

First of all, I needed to be pushed
to the edge in order to listen and
absorb some rules and regulations.

Meaning...a program of recovery
incorperated in my everyday life.

I was told in early recovery that
I wouldnt stay sober on my own.
Maybe because I was stubborn,
defiante.

"Ok, i'll show you," is my inner
voice speaking. And with that I did
everything that was taught to me
and did it on my own. clinging
quietly to others experiences,
strengths and hopes, till I got the
message of hope.

Today, 20 yrs later, I am still one
drink away from a drunk, but my
stubborness today will keep me
close to my recovery program
because yesterdays drunk is still
so vivid to me.

A program of recovery on a daily
bases is there for the taking and
Im grateful for it.

lildawg

Sharon, I'm glad you posted this. I think we have a lot in common in terms of being stubborn and defiant.

I often think, "All right. Let's see if I can't do that," when someone says, "You can't." I often figure out later that I did it the Hard Way™, but I'm always satisfied that I did it My Way™.

Keep on rockin'. You're an inspiration. How did your tattoo turn out?

aasharon90

Thanks lildawg for sharing.

My tattoo turned out cool.
I have to get a mirror to
check from time to time
to see if it's really there...lol

That's the only thing about
getting tats on ur back side,
you don't get to view them
every second of the day.

It's not huge, but just right.
And what it stands for and
when I got it means alot to
me too.

Boleo

Isn't it ironic that alcoholics, more than most people, fear brainwashing?

If ever there was a group of people who need a thorough deep rinse - long spin cycle, it is alcoholics.

LaFemme

Why on earth do you say that?

lildawg

Boleo, you cracked me up. I dig what you're sayin'. Definitely a lot of truth there.

blue2

Hi Sharon,
I truly am in the "Don't tell me what to do" brigade, and "I'll show you" mindset but also realise I don't know who the people "I'm going to show" are!
It may be that this kind of thinking actually triggers alcoholism, in releasing ever present angst and finding drinking subdues this but hopefully as you have proved it can be overcome.
Being stubborn/defiant is not a deficiency in character and can probably be classed as a virtue but needs to be balanced in regards that we have to exist with other people who could take easily take insult.
As regards Boleo's post about brainwashing, I am as confused as LaFemme about what the message is. However if you could launder my brain via a deep rinse/long spin and have it come out totally cleansed I would be eternally gratefull!
BTW what's the tattoo depict?

aasharon90

Thanks SR for your shares.
They as always are much
appreciated.

My tattoo was placed on my
right back shoulder. It is a
wheel with a wing attached.

The wheel represents my love
for motorcycle riding. My husband
and I own a Harley Road King
that we triked out and we both
enjoy the extra safety when
riding together.

The wing represents our Guardian
Angel protecting us.

In the center spokes of the
wheel there is the AA circle
and triangle for my Alcoholic
Anonymous program.

The word Serenity is scripted
above the picture and the words
Courage and Wisdom below it.

I also have the date 8-11-90
add below the picture too.

The picture is vibrant and colorful,
not to big but just right.

I thought long and hard about
getting and AA tattoo because
many who have gotten one
may have relapsed and the date
changed.

I cant guarantee even for myself
what tomorrow may bring,
however today I have a program
incorporated in my everyday
affairs and dont intend to drink.

As long as I stay on my recovery
path then I will continue to enjoy
and appreciate my new recovery
tattoo.

LaFemme

Blue...cute puppy! I actually wouldn't want to have my brain cleansed of my alcoholism. If it was I wouldn't have learned anything, and that is a gift...I might not like how I got here but I really love where I am:-)

aasharon...your Tat sounds awesome! I am getting my first tattoo in honor of my sobriety. I think I will do it on day 100...it's not a tattoo that has a depiction pertaining to sobriety per say, it's going to be my astrological symbol, Pisces, and i think i'm going to put it on my rib cage. I always promised myself i would get one when i finally got sober...so now i can finally get one!

zbear23

I can't speak for any but myself, but when I think "brainwashing," I think artificial and pervasive conditioning. This might be a positive approach to a negative mindset, or (as in "The Manchurian Candidate") a negative approach to alter positive values. In any case, it is change induced from the outside, and frankly, that's exactly what I needed and what AA did for me. Left to my own devices, my brain would've remained "dirty," full of my old ideas. AA provided me with a wonderful washing machine....but I'm the one who had to choose to use it or not. I'm so glad I did. (one of my old thoughts that was cleansed was that it was "normal" to drink (and think) the way I did<G>).

blessings
zenbear

Zencat

All through addiction I was a hard headed fool. But when my addiction broke me into a helpless quivering sack of jangled nerves, I became willing to seek help. I think for the first time in my life I "looked before I leaped" and entered a good addiction treatment program. There the foundation was set for my recovery program.

I agree.
Knowing who to live life, as it comes, has saved my once foolish @ss.