sadpanda

My fiance just checked himself into rehab this morning for alcoholism. I am very proud of him for doing this but I am also extremely sad. How am I supposed to do this alone? He is my best friend and I miss him so much it hurts. (crying as I type this) I feel so guilty for feeling this way which makes it worse. I feel selfish and awful for feeling like this but I just feel so alone and confused. I don't want him to think I don't want him to be there or like I'm trying to guilt him into coming home, but it's so hard to stay strong when I talk to him. I don't know how I'm going to make it!

I don't know how long he's gonna be there, what they're doing, what's going on, nothing! They won't tell me anything! I feel like this is all my fault. I feel lost, like half of me has been ripped away and is being held prisoner by strangers! And I hate how they already act like they have known him forever and act like I'm the stranger. Like I'm going to intentionally sabotage his efforts; I love him, I want to him to get better and be happy. Like they don't have half my heart locked up to where I can't get to it. I had no idea how hard this would be and now I feel so alone.

I'm not sure what I'm saying, I just had to say it...

GettingStronger2

Does his rehab have a friends and family program? Or can you find an Alanon meeting near you? That would help.

Jabbadabutt

you will find support here, welcome. There is a family forum as well, with many posters and people from 'the other side' so to speak, but you are more than welcome here as well. He is getting the help he needs right now and you will be a better couple because of it in the end. You need to stay strong and not blame yourself. You want to feel selfish but he needs to feel selfish too. He needs the help. You need the help. Give him the space he needs to work the program, you will be up to speed before you know it. You will survive.

firestorm090

Welcome. You've found a great source of support to help you during this time of separation. There's plenty of people here to help you through this.

When I went into rehab, I considered it to be something like brain surgery. I knew the docs would work on me, but since my family and friends weren't surgically savvy, I'm glad they didn't have the knife, lol. I couldn't make a phone call for 15 days when I first went in and it was tough stuff. You never know how much you use your phone till it's taken from you. However, during that time it allowed me to think about a lot of stuff and one thing everpresent on my mind was how I'd treated my family prior to my rehab entry. It helped me regain the perspective of family and what being part of a family really meant for me. It's taking time, but the experience has softened me a bit, I'm not near the bear I was proir to rehab, so it's important to allow the staff and your fiance to work on some of these things without much outside influence.

If it helps your fiance, then the end result is it helps both of you, so hang in there.

suki44883

While your fiance is taking this time to address his issues, you can do the same while he is gone. Perhaps picking up a copy of the book Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie will help you. Attending Al-anon meetings will help. You will receive face-to-face support from people who understand exactly what you are dealing with. Taking care of yourself while not obsessing over him and what is going on with him is the best thing you can do for both of you.

Anna

Yes, I would definitely recommend Melody Beattie's book too as it really helps to explain and to show you the way through codependence.

AlAnon is an option, and also there are two forums on these boards for Friends & Families.

Dee74

Hi sadpanda

You'll find a lot of support, help and advice here - and please do check out the family and friends forums too

Welcome
D