What to do?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
What to do?
Lately, I have developed a crush on a guy who I am not supposed to have a crush on.
A person in authority over me. I don't know where these feelings came from but I don't know how to get rid of them.
With the crush, came personal feelings of... "he's nicer to this person than he is to me" and it's always like I'm having thoughts like this.
And I know it is from the crush because I have known this man for years and I didn't care at all before. So I don't know why now all of a sudden. And I don't want to have a crush on him, so how can I get past these feelings. I can't avoid him given my situation. So I have to find another way around it.
And what is worse, is that I've made a total humiliation of myself when drunk in front of him and I didn't care before but now suddenly, I feel very ashamed.
A person in authority over me. I don't know where these feelings came from but I don't know how to get rid of them.
With the crush, came personal feelings of... "he's nicer to this person than he is to me" and it's always like I'm having thoughts like this.
And I know it is from the crush because I have known this man for years and I didn't care at all before. So I don't know why now all of a sudden. And I don't want to have a crush on him, so how can I get past these feelings. I can't avoid him given my situation. So I have to find another way around it.
And what is worse, is that I've made a total humiliation of myself when drunk in front of him and I didn't care before but now suddenly, I feel very ashamed.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Try to think about his bad qualities. I know that sounds awful, but just try and focus on the negative things about him (usually you should be able to find some, if he is a person who has some authority over you it will be easy to observe his flaws.) Focus particularly on any qualities he has that would make him unattractive to you or incompatible with you.
It's not an instant cure, but it may help you to keep reminding yourself that he's not perfect. This is the best way I have found for getting over a crush on someone I can't avoid.
It's not an instant cure, but it may help you to keep reminding yourself that he's not perfect. This is the best way I have found for getting over a crush on someone I can't avoid.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I think you already know what to do BC.
You have enough on your plate with recovery and all - focus on that.
This crush will fade....I have a lot of experience in this area
In time, so will the memories of the foolish things we did drunk...for both you and other people.
D
You have enough on your plate with recovery and all - focus on that.
This crush will fade....I have a lot of experience in this area
In time, so will the memories of the foolish things we did drunk...for both you and other people.
D
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
Thanks
It's my landlord, unfortunately.
Of all people, why did I have to develop a crush on him?
I hope the embarrassing drunk memories fade. Even from my own mind.
Maybe I've been single too long, LOL.
It's my landlord, unfortunately.
Of all people, why did I have to develop a crush on him?
I hope the embarrassing drunk memories fade. Even from my own mind.
Maybe I've been single too long, LOL.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
They will
It's a common thing I think - often at the very time when we need to keep focus, our mind will bring up anything to distract us and throw us off course.
I'm sure he's a nice guy, but it's all just fantasy BC.
D
It's a common thing I think - often at the very time when we need to keep focus, our mind will bring up anything to distract us and throw us off course.
I'm sure he's a nice guy, but it's all just fantasy BC.
D
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
Thanks for the laugh, you guys! LOL
It might help if I get out of the "fantasy" and start thinking of the realistic things -- like how I have to struggle so hard all month just to get a rent payment.
Or else, he will be after me. LOL
It might help if I get out of the "fantasy" and start thinking of the realistic things -- like how I have to struggle so hard all month just to get a rent payment.
Or else, he will be after me. LOL
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
Also, it probably helps for me to sit here and talk about my crush on him openly to other people, rather than try to keep it a secret.
Maybe by talking about it, I can get past it instead of letting it go around in my mind.
I've been too embarrassed to talk about my crush on him to anyone, LOL, because a few of my good friends face 2 face actually know him and I'd never admit that I had a crush on him because of the huge age difference and they would make fun of my feelings.
Maybe by talking about it, I can get past it instead of letting it go around in my mind.
I've been too embarrassed to talk about my crush on him to anyone, LOL, because a few of my good friends face 2 face actually know him and I'd never admit that I had a crush on him because of the huge age difference and they would make fun of my feelings.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
I feel SOOO much better after posting this thread! LOL
I'm actually laughing now!
I'm so glad I came here to talk about this!
To make things more embarrassing with him, for the last 4 months, he has heard me ramble on about my personal problems which is probably why I feel so embarrassed now.
I mean, he can't be a friend because he is in a position of authority over me so I don't know why I rambled on and on to him. And he listened but it makes me feel awkward now. Now I guess that is the reason for the embarrassment.
He goes to my church too though. So now I feel like sliding down in my seat.
And sneaking out the back door at my apartment.
and learning to zip my mouth and get over this fantasy crush on him.
It's not good to have a crush on people I owe rent to. LOL!!!
I'm actually laughing now!
I'm so glad I came here to talk about this!
To make things more embarrassing with him, for the last 4 months, he has heard me ramble on about my personal problems which is probably why I feel so embarrassed now.
I mean, he can't be a friend because he is in a position of authority over me so I don't know why I rambled on and on to him. And he listened but it makes me feel awkward now. Now I guess that is the reason for the embarrassment.
He goes to my church too though. So now I feel like sliding down in my seat.
And sneaking out the back door at my apartment.
and learning to zip my mouth and get over this fantasy crush on him.
It's not good to have a crush on people I owe rent to. LOL!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: England
Posts: 137
Hiya Broken,
I always used to be attracted to people in authority (before I got married ofc) I think that most addicts are insecure and we look at people in authority as being strong and we think we will be safe with them.
This guy as far as I can tell does not have authority over you, he is simply your landlord, he is providing you with a service and you pay for him for it, without people like you he would not be able to put food on his table, so in a way that switches things and YOU have the authority over him to some extent.
I once had a major crush on my boss some years ago and one night was blind drunk and lurched up to his house late at night, crying hysterically telling him I was so lonely and did not want to be in my flat alone, begging him to let me stay the night with him. I still go red and feel faint thinking about this. He was mortified and got me a cab home. Can you imagine how embarassing THAT was lol.
I left the job shortly after that and have not seen him for 10 years. I recently banged into him, he was grossly overwieght, scruffy and in need of a shave and a good shower, I thank my lucky stars he didnt let me stay that night.......
Not wanting to make light of your crush hun, I know that these feelings seem very real, but just wanted to make you laugh at my story, It was not one of my finer moments
I always used to be attracted to people in authority (before I got married ofc) I think that most addicts are insecure and we look at people in authority as being strong and we think we will be safe with them.
This guy as far as I can tell does not have authority over you, he is simply your landlord, he is providing you with a service and you pay for him for it, without people like you he would not be able to put food on his table, so in a way that switches things and YOU have the authority over him to some extent.
I once had a major crush on my boss some years ago and one night was blind drunk and lurched up to his house late at night, crying hysterically telling him I was so lonely and did not want to be in my flat alone, begging him to let me stay the night with him. I still go red and feel faint thinking about this. He was mortified and got me a cab home. Can you imagine how embarassing THAT was lol.
I left the job shortly after that and have not seen him for 10 years. I recently banged into him, he was grossly overwieght, scruffy and in need of a shave and a good shower, I thank my lucky stars he didnt let me stay that night.......
Not wanting to make light of your crush hun, I know that these feelings seem very real, but just wanted to make you laugh at my story, It was not one of my finer moments
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