Onewithwings

You guys, I have never needed to stay sober more than I do right now. My husband has given me an ultimatum. I can not use again, or he will leave me, and will more than likely get custody of our two year old son.

I am four days clean today and feeling really good about it. I have been praying and praying, and making sure I am doing all the footwork I need to in recovery. I have a sponsor and have been working the steps with her.

I just wonder how long this feeling will last. How long until that untamable desire to use hits and I stop caring again? I want to be done with that feeling.

julez

OneWithWings, did you paint your avtar? Its beautiful. Are you an alcoholic? Congrats on the 4 days. I'm 7 days sober. Keep it up and stay strong!

Supercrew

Congrats on getting help! If you truly believe your husbands ultimatum, hopefully that feeling will last forever. The problems with ultimatums like this at least in my mind, was I never took them that seriously when I was drinking heavily, because I heard them every couple of months.

I found that I couldn't quit because someone else wanted me to or because they threatened me with an ultimatum, I had to quit because I wanted to. Until you find your true reason that makes you want to quit using more than using, I think you will continue to play the relapse/apology game. At least that is what I did. Good luck on your recovery.

Balou

Onewithwings, Congratulations on Day 4! That's quite an accomplishment. Are you an alcoholic? I'm an opiate addict and the bad detox lasted for five-six days, so you may be getting close, but everyone's different. I still had a couple of symptoms after the six days, and I still have one now on day 19, insomnia!!! Though I am up to five hours sleep now. :P

Also, like Supercrew said, if you really want to quit, you have to do it for yourself. Not for your husband, your kids, your parents, oh you get the picture. Once you come to the realization that you cannot handle the addiction, you will be at the beginning of step one.

Good luck to you, we support you here.

firestorm090

Hi Onewithwings,

Most of us know the state where we stop caring and knowingly choose to take another ride with the neighborhood bully, which in my case is alcohol. The drug we use is different, but the results are the same; major problems arise out of our use, people lose faith and trust in us, we lose trust in ourselves, and life downwardly spirals completely out of control.

Considering the draw of our drug of choice, it's like being in a movie where you keep trying to beat the neighborhood bully, but he/she always wins. We may think we will win this time, then we get in the ring again, only to get pounded to a pulp, black eyes, busted nose, jumbled thoughts from our beating, yet we keep trying to get up off the mat and go one more round. In some neighborhoods, people will eventually get to the point where they've had enough of the bully and they band together to chase the bully out of town. That's kinda the way my recovery is working, when I band together with others, I do better at keeping the bully/cravings at bay, but when I isolate, become trapped in self again, I inevitably end up back at square one again.

Family members and true friends can become some of our best sources of support and strength if we are open with them and request their assisstance in dealing with our struggle. Some may take a while to come around, and some may never do so, but that is beyond our control. What we need to stay focused on is learning how to live sober, which is very difficult at times and is often the reason we escape reality in the first place, we don't know how to deal with tough life issues. Since we don't know how, it takes others, like SR, AA, counselors, etc. to show us how to manage life on life's terms. It starts to work when we stop trying to beat the bully all by ourselves.

penny74

l am with supercrew on this.
You stop because you want to yourself.
Not because someone threatens you.
That just doesn't work.
Besides, after the first drink you think "Who cares .."
Just do it for yourself.
good luck. !!


"The days are long but the years are short"

Dee74

I hope this time is your time OWW.
Congratulations on your sober time - keep it up

Use whatever supports you have available - reach out, and reach out early - you can do this.

D

LaFemme

You can do this!! Not just for your husband and son but for yourself and your art. Im pretty much in agreement with everyone else here but want to add one other thing as one artist to another. Addiction sucks the creativity right out of us. It leaches away our gifts. Just wanted to add one more reason to get well:-)

Kerbcrawler

yes you can do it for you first and foremost and of course your child who needs a mother,a role model in life, the first parts the hardest, i found mentally,like most you have a battle on your hands..but your strength of character,and true grit will,to beat this thing..the absolute desire to want to change..and be free from the addictions of old,that have enslaved you..i personally had enough, and was desperate to change, tried and failed at many attempts, only this time..i wanted sobriety badly more than anything,like my life depended on it..which in fact it did, there are many programmes of help and recoverry out there, here at SR,has helped me immensly, hearing so many stories just like mine..once i got through the first few weeks..it became easier..like i became more familiar with sober territory..then another month in..even more familiar and comfortable with being sober..giving into those cravings and triggers no more..gave me a stronger grip on my mind, and confidence i could continue along without the need to self medicate, life on lifes terms..wow a nice cup of tea,a good coffee, chocolate nic naks,..little treats here and there, good food, these are my little pick me ups now..whilst having the clearest of heads, and a peace of mind,i had,nt experienced in many years,
hobbys and interests..gee i cant fit all these things in one day...livin life to the full, the max..you bet, makin up for lost time,you bet...for a little bit of mental pain, unease, discomfort,physical adjustments...ive never felt happier, its all worth it..best wishes your way..

wpainterw

There's no way anyone can tell you how long this feeling will last. It's all up to you. It's wonderful that you've got some momentum up in your recovery. All I can say is do everything possible to keep that momentum up. Talk to folks who have done it, who have been where you are. Then go for it! Good luck.

trixieisme

Ah....the threat. My husband threatened to leave me and I wasn't even worried, because I knew that he wouldn't. I kept on drinking. Then, he threatened again, and took out his suitcase. Still didn't believe him. Came home one day and found my dog's jacket in his suitcase, and I freaked. That was when I stopped drinking. For about 3 days. We got kicked out of where we were living, and he got so stressed that he went and bought a pack of cigarettes. Said for every one he smoke I coudl have a beer. I smoked like 3 packs in that 4 day weekend...I knew I could drink for a while and it would be ok. And I kept on drinking. Now the threats start again, only this time its not leaving me. It's that we won't try to have a baby. What a mean husband.

The bottom line is that you need to do it for youself. And if not for you, then for your child. Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about your husband. You should want to get clean and healthy for you and your child.

LexieCat

Try to look at it this way. Alcoholic/addict parents who are actively drinking/using are not good parents. They just aren't. It doesn't mean they are awful people, but let's face it, when we are drinking/using we aren't the most responsible people in the world.

Furthermore, having been in two marriages to alcoholics before my own drinking started to spiral out of control, living with an active alcoholic is an exercise in insanity. It's hard for me to blame anyone for choosing to walk away from it. I've spent some time in Al-Anon, and the first thing we learn there is that as partners, we didn't cause the addiction, we can't control it, and we can't cure it.

The bottom line is that as alcoholics/addicts, we are the ones responsible for our own recovery. That has to happen regardless of the state of our personal family lives. Our partners aren't doing us any favors by tolerating the craziness. And kids deserve emotionally healthy parents, not those who are in oblivion on a regular basis, who keep the household in chaos because of their addictions.

And we need to get well because WE deserve better than being slaves to our addictions.

artsoul

g.

For me, the urges didn't go away suddenly, but slowly over time (and they still come up occasionally). When we don't act on them, we don't reinforce their power in our minds. The more urges we conquer or ignore, the more confidence and inner strength we build. As least that's the way that it seems for me.

I'm so sorry you have a lot of pressure on you right now, but maybe it will be what you need to get started. How are you doing today? Is there any way you can find an addictions counselor or psychiatrist in your area for extra support? Also, hanging out here when you're feeling weak is another idea. I'll send prayers, too....:ghug3

Jamison

Don't know if this helps, but someone told me that as addicts we want the pain to end NOW...hence doing our drug of choice. Even in sobriety we want things NOW!!

It is different for everyone, but you are doing all the right things and I wish you continued strength.

It will get easier!!!!