fragrantrose

what I meant to say is that I think some form of CBT has to be added (and that can be AA) if meds are to be truly effective.

jamdls

I think I was born depressed and I had a difficult childhood; alcohol while at first let me escape my childhood and my depression eventually it severely deepened the depression. I spent years in therapy for depression, funny thing though once I quit drinking my depression went away. In sobriety I have found peace, I found forgiveness for others and for myself life is awesome.

recycle

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is suicide and 10 is nirvana, I have made many trips from 2 to 9 and back. Lately I have been in the 7 to 8 range, but I seem to spend most of my time around 5. Winter always brings depression so insidious I rarely acknowledge it until it is gone. I am a little afraid of it this year, it won't cause me to relapse, I will have to make that choice, but it certainly won't help.

MelindaFlowers

Great question,

My personal experience is that I think I have always suffered from pretty vague, manageable depression. When I started drinking heavily about five years I thought it made me feel better, more content, happier.

Once the quantity increased to a huge amount, the money started disappearing more quickly, and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore, it definitely made the depression worse. I kept trying it over and over again, hoping I could "make it work" again, reach that happily-numb and relaxed feeling and I couldn't seem to do it.

These are a few examples of how drinking made my depression worse:

Being hung over everyday did not help me sense of well-being

I watched my physical appearance decline which fueled my insecurity

I started to drink to numb away the consequences of drinking rather than a long day at work.

People began to worry about me. I hated the feeling of being 'out of control.'

I became immensely depressed when I realized my drinking was out of my control and I didn't know any other way to feel better other than to drink.

I could no longer trust myself. I couldn't set a goal and keep it, even something as 'small' as 'I will not drink today.'

firestorm090

Thanks to everyone for your honest, helpful replies. This is a concern that was actually raised recently by a member here after reading some of my older threads, and is a question I needed to consider strongly. I'm sure depression has been an underlying reason to drink, then the drinking compounded the depression, thus creating a cycle that thwarted my efforts toward long-term recovery.

I realize everyone is different, and that some are sicker than others, and that some are just plain too stubborn for their own good, and I'm not quite sure where I fit in that spectrum, but I know I don't like relapsing, do not enjoy the pain and frustration that accompanies my use of alcohol. I feel more optimistic today because I have done some internet research on depression and based on some of the replies here, I do not feel so alone and hopeless. I'm sure that as each day without alcohol passes, I will feel better, and now I have a wider view of my condition which will allow me to seek help for the underlying depression which existed long before my first drink.

Thank you all for your sincere regard and support. I am proud to be a member here, albeit a troubled one.

Kmber2010

Great post and lots of good input.

I found that I began drinking when I was suffering deep depression. Instead of seeking counseling or medical help....I hid and sought a quick fix.

Over time the depression grew worse and the life I began leading added to it. I then suffered from anxiety and panic attacks.

Getting sober for me.....greatly reduced depression, anxiety became minimal and panic attacks ceased. I also was clear and focused to seek counseling for issues that I had never addressed and faced.

What ever works for you is my approach.