I keep trying
Stumbling Drunk
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 36
I keep trying
I've never posted here before.
I've been drinking more than a twelve pack every day for the past 15 years. I've always been functional. But in the past few months I've really been wanting to get out of it. Not so easy. For the past three weeks I've been staying sober on the weekdays/nights, and letting myself go on the weekends. I thought I could reward myself for a good week by throwing 'em back on the weekends. It's not working how I planned, however. My body/brain just starts making up for lost drinking time and now after a week sober I can drink almost a case of beer per day on the weekends. This past holiday (the 4th) I spent three days in a cycle of drink heavy for six hours, sleep six hours. Wake up and do it again. I have little memory of the 4th holiday weekend.
This missing memory thing is mostly a recent development, and it's one of the things that makes me want to stop this. There's a thing that happens to me, I don't know how to describe it... when I am driving, it's like some other person takes control of my body and drives to the store to get beer! No matter how much I say to myself during the day that I will not buy beer on the way home... that person just takes over and I buy it and drink it all.
So now it's five days sober for me (again) and it's Saturday (again). I'm going to try really hard to not buy beer on the way home from work. Try to keep that person from taking over my body. If I can do that, I think I might be able to make it another day without drinking.
If I can make it through this weekend, I might have a shot at doing two weeks sober. That would really be a big thing for me.
I have to drink lots of iced tea to keep from drinking beer. I don't know why. But drinking one iced tea after the other and running on my treadmill a lot help me to not drink.
Thanks to anyone who read this, I guess I just wanted to get this all off my chest. It helps to type it out.
LT
I've been drinking more than a twelve pack every day for the past 15 years. I've always been functional. But in the past few months I've really been wanting to get out of it. Not so easy. For the past three weeks I've been staying sober on the weekdays/nights, and letting myself go on the weekends. I thought I could reward myself for a good week by throwing 'em back on the weekends. It's not working how I planned, however. My body/brain just starts making up for lost drinking time and now after a week sober I can drink almost a case of beer per day on the weekends. This past holiday (the 4th) I spent three days in a cycle of drink heavy for six hours, sleep six hours. Wake up and do it again. I have little memory of the 4th holiday weekend.
This missing memory thing is mostly a recent development, and it's one of the things that makes me want to stop this. There's a thing that happens to me, I don't know how to describe it... when I am driving, it's like some other person takes control of my body and drives to the store to get beer! No matter how much I say to myself during the day that I will not buy beer on the way home... that person just takes over and I buy it and drink it all.
So now it's five days sober for me (again) and it's Saturday (again). I'm going to try really hard to not buy beer on the way home from work. Try to keep that person from taking over my body. If I can do that, I think I might be able to make it another day without drinking.
If I can make it through this weekend, I might have a shot at doing two weeks sober. That would really be a big thing for me.
I have to drink lots of iced tea to keep from drinking beer. I don't know why. But drinking one iced tea after the other and running on my treadmill a lot help me to not drink.
Thanks to anyone who read this, I guess I just wanted to get this all off my chest. It helps to type it out.
LT
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alberta Canada
Posts: 468
Hello! I can identify with everything you've said. You need to stay here and post and read and stay strong. I drank just like you and I'm day 7. Weekends are a huge trigger, just the mere mention that it's Friday or Saturday says to me it's drink time. I too wanted to quit, for months and I'd find myself in the liquor store and I would even say to myself "WHY AM I HERE?" I didn't want to be, I didn't want to buy that beer but I did and I'd drink my face off, be hungover, and continue it again the next day.
I've been going on my treadmill too this week. It makes me feel good and makes it easier to not drink. In fact I don't want to go on my treadmill this morning but as I type I'm sitting here in my work out clothes, just have to put my shoes on and GO. I will. I have to because it's one more piece in the foundation that encourages my sobriety.
Stay strong and you can do this. This is a great forum and it's helped me tremendously.
I've been going on my treadmill too this week. It makes me feel good and makes it easier to not drink. In fact I don't want to go on my treadmill this morning but as I type I'm sitting here in my work out clothes, just have to put my shoes on and GO. I will. I have to because it's one more piece in the foundation that encourages my sobriety.
Stay strong and you can do this. This is a great forum and it's helped me tremendously.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: LA, CA
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by LTrzczka 
I've never posted here before.
I've been drinking more than a twelve pack every day for the past 15 years. I've always been functional. But in the past few months I've really been wanting to get out of it. Not so easy. For the past three weeks I've been staying sober on the weekdays/nights, and letting myself go on the weekends. I thought I could reward myself for a good week by throwing 'em back on the weekends. It's not working how I planned, however. My body/brain just starts making up for lost drinking time and now after a week sober I can drink almost a case of beer per day on the weekends. This past holiday (the 4th) I spent three days in a cycle of drink heavy for six hours, sleep six hours. Wake up and do it again. I have little memory of the 4th holiday weekend.
This missing memory thing is mostly a recent development, and it's one of the things that makes me want to stop this. There's a thing that happens to me, I don't know how to describe it... when I am driving, it's like some other person takes control of my body and drives to the store to get beer! No matter how much I say to myself during the day that I will not buy beer on the way home... that person just takes over and I buy it and drink it all.
So now it's five days sober for me (again) and it's Saturday (again). I'm going to try really hard to not buy beer on the way home from work. Try to keep that person from taking over my body. If I can do that, I think I might be able to make it another day without drinking.
If I can make it through this weekend, I might have a shot at doing two weeks sober. That would really be a big thing for me.
I have to drink lots of iced tea to keep from drinking beer. I don't know why. But drinking one iced tea after the other and running on my treadmill a lot help me to not drink.
Thanks to anyone who read this, I guess I just wanted to get this all off my chest. It helps to type it out.
LT
I've been drinking more than a twelve pack every day for the past 15 years. I've always been functional. But in the past few months I've really been wanting to get out of it. Not so easy. For the past three weeks I've been staying sober on the weekdays/nights, and letting myself go on the weekends. I thought I could reward myself for a good week by throwing 'em back on the weekends. It's not working how I planned, however. My body/brain just starts making up for lost drinking time and now after a week sober I can drink almost a case of beer per day on the weekends. This past holiday (the 4th) I spent three days in a cycle of drink heavy for six hours, sleep six hours. Wake up and do it again. I have little memory of the 4th holiday weekend.
This missing memory thing is mostly a recent development, and it's one of the things that makes me want to stop this. There's a thing that happens to me, I don't know how to describe it... when I am driving, it's like some other person takes control of my body and drives to the store to get beer! No matter how much I say to myself during the day that I will not buy beer on the way home... that person just takes over and I buy it and drink it all.
So now it's five days sober for me (again) and it's Saturday (again). I'm going to try really hard to not buy beer on the way home from work. Try to keep that person from taking over my body. If I can do that, I think I might be able to make it another day without drinking.
If I can make it through this weekend, I might have a shot at doing two weeks sober. That would really be a big thing for me.
I have to drink lots of iced tea to keep from drinking beer. I don't know why. But drinking one iced tea after the other and running on my treadmill a lot help me to not drink.
Thanks to anyone who read this, I guess I just wanted to get this all off my chest. It helps to type it out.
LT
for me one of the most important parts of recovery is just re adjusting to having fun without alcohol...getting back to your roots...ya know? i dont know im rambling. ive never been that good with words anyhow. well keep drinking that tea and running on that treadmill you wont get to any physical locatio while running on the treadmill but you will get somewhere by being sober, so keep it up! 
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
My advice, take a different route home from work, stop and get stuffed on some good food.. course that's just today. You'll have to figure out what to do the rest of the time, but seeing a doctor, counselor, etc.. can't hurt!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Welcome to SR! YOu've come to a great place for support and good info. Have you considered trying a few AA meetings? It can't hurt, ya know. I stay sober with a combination of meetings, my weekly counseling, and this site. I used to drink all day every day, and I tried so many times to quit but always found myself back drinking. I never gave up tho and now I've got seven months sober and it feels great!
There are other recovery programs besides AA and many people here use nothing but SR for their recovery. I hope you are successful at staying sober this weekend. It's a good idea to stay sober just for today. Stay sober one day at a time, and repeat when tomorrow becomes today. Makes it a bit easier to stay sober one day at a time. I wish you the best. Living sober really rocks!
YOu've come to a great place for support and good info. Have you considered trying a few AA meetings? It can't hurt, ya know. I stay sober with a combination of meetings, my weekly counseling, and this site. I used to drink all day every day, and I tried so many times to quit but always found myself back drinking. I never gave up tho and now I've got seven months sober and it feels great!There are other recovery programs besides AA and many people here use nothing but SR for their recovery. I hope you are successful at staying sober this weekend. It's a good idea to stay sober just for today. Stay sober one day at a time, and repeat when tomorrow becomes today. Makes it a bit easier to stay sober one day at a time. I wish you the best. Living sober really rocks!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
LT, I recognize some of me in that. The person taking over and driving to get beer again and again was me 14 years ago though, so a difference within the similarity.
I always say I was really lucky when I stopped drinking, because it was like a person was taking over, only it was me. Sometimes I think of it as my brain taking over against my will, as a survival technique, because it was so amazing to me that I could quit. That robotic compulsion had been there for 14 years. I remember thinking positive thoughts each day after quitting, about the getting past the 14 days as well.
I think it helps to get a good grasp of what seems to matter to you when you think of what works (to stay away from drinking within a single day). In other words, is it working? Then fine, accept it and keep going. Iced tea is just one example, you could have others; anything that supports what a piece of your brain wants to achieve sobriety. Allow yourself to build on the positive, believe in it. Look upon the day you stopped as a hugely significant day if that helps (it seems to be a big booster for most people). For a lot of people there is a confidence and a gratitude that blend in with the other emotions during the initial weeks. Everything else bowed down to drinking for us over a gradual period of time, so it takes time to get all those things to straighten their back out again. It's so worth it to me.
I always say I was really lucky when I stopped drinking, because it was like a person was taking over, only it was me. Sometimes I think of it as my brain taking over against my will, as a survival technique, because it was so amazing to me that I could quit. That robotic compulsion had been there for 14 years. I remember thinking positive thoughts each day after quitting, about the getting past the 14 days as well.
I think it helps to get a good grasp of what seems to matter to you when you think of what works (to stay away from drinking within a single day). In other words, is it working? Then fine, accept it and keep going. Iced tea is just one example, you could have others; anything that supports what a piece of your brain wants to achieve sobriety. Allow yourself to build on the positive, believe in it. Look upon the day you stopped as a hugely significant day if that helps (it seems to be a big booster for most people). For a lot of people there is a confidence and a gratitude that blend in with the other emotions during the initial weeks. Everything else bowed down to drinking for us over a gradual period of time, so it takes time to get all those things to straighten their back out again. It's so worth it to me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 275
I know this is what people always say...but that sounds exactly like I typed that. I'm on day 5 (again) and it's an insane beer cycle with me too..it's almost funny. I actually shouted profanities at my normal corner store tall boy stops on the way home yesterday, felt like I was walking down a dark alley towards my car hoping nobody would attack me...Why can't we just laugh at the thought of continuing the insanity with more beer, much less why do we have to fight so hard?? I'ts crazy. Hope you hang in there and I hope I do as well. Day 5 has been pretty rough, a weird sad feeling is hanging around today, but I know that will pass as long as I do my part, which is to not go get beer. I really like this forum, I'm new here as well. I was at the grocery store earlier and they had this massive Lite 20 pack display, was almost sarcastic in size, like it was put there for me to be tempted by...I just stared at it for a sec, thought about the sheer horror of ANOTHER hangover and walked off...good luck, I keep trying too
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by smacked
My advice, take a different route home from work, stop and get stuffed on some good food.. course that's just today. You'll have to figure out what to do the rest of the time, but seeing a doctor, counselor, etc.. can't hurt!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY, in the Adirondacks
Posts: 232
The voice that makes you drive to the liquor store is the Addictive Voice, or the Beast. It is the primitive part of your brain. I just watched a video on addiction and relapse online from HBO, and it was a big help in understanding why I drink, even when I say I won't. It is here:
HBO: Addiction: The Film: Supplemental Film: Understanding Relapse
Also, I have begun Rational Recovery, it is here:
rational.org
I like it a lot, you have to recognize that Addictive Voice and shut it down. Good luck!!
HBO: Addiction: The Film: Supplemental Film: Understanding Relapse
Also, I have begun Rational Recovery, it is here:
rational.org
I like it a lot, you have to recognize that Addictive Voice and shut it down. Good luck!!
The truth shall set you free
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5,267
The voice that makes you drive to the liquor store is the Addictive Voice CALLED A TRANCE.
A hypnotic, cataleptic, or ecstatic state.
Detachment from one's physical surroundings.
A semiconscious state; a daze.
All addictions, by their very nature, cause the person to at the very least, momentarily experience the heightened state of consciousness known as "trance." All compulsions involve trance as well, but only addictions cause it. In both cases, this trance always occurs at the onset of the experience. In some cases, such as with addictive drugs and alcohol, it also occurs during the experience.
Trance can be triggered with familer places. When you learn how to fight off the TRANCE before it becomes full blown, we start to break the cycle.
I speak from experince.
TB
A hypnotic, cataleptic, or ecstatic state.
Detachment from one's physical surroundings.
A semiconscious state; a daze.
All addictions, by their very nature, cause the person to at the very least, momentarily experience the heightened state of consciousness known as "trance." All compulsions involve trance as well, but only addictions cause it. In both cases, this trance always occurs at the onset of the experience. In some cases, such as with addictive drugs and alcohol, it also occurs during the experience.
Trance can be triggered with familer places. When you learn how to fight off the TRANCE before it becomes full blown, we start to break the cycle.
I speak from experince.
TB
Stumbling Drunk
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by TexasNative
...just any place to get full that's before the first corner store with the evil huge bucket of 16oz beers on ice...pathetic.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi LT - I felt like I had two people living inside my head too. I'd make promises in the morning and break them by mid-afternoon. I had a hard time taking my mind off drinking at first, so I read and posted a lot on SR. It's nice to know we're not alone, and that others just like us have been able to stay sober. I'm glad you're here!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
LT....you have tons of support here at SR.
I know all too well the alcoholic mind. When I relapsed, I found that even after a few months of sobriety, I picked up the bottle just like I had when I was drinking daily. I literally drank myself into an almost life ending bender. I didn't need to drink physically for days straight but my mind was telling me and I was believing that I needed more and more. It would be like giving a first time drinker a bottle of vodka and them guzzling the whole thing. Insanity it was.
What I learned from that relapse is this - I can control when I begin to drink - that is my choice but am powerless once I have that first sip. It would be like a person sitting at dinner and gorging themselves to the point of vomiting and then eating more and more afterwards if that makes sense.
I can relate also to the memory loss. I found in the last few years of drinking that the physical effects on me were worse and worse. To be honest.....I am still suffering some effects now from those years of drinking. My memory isn't what it used to be but I am working on it.
Hang in there. It is your choice whether to go to the liquor store or not. What will truly help you is getting support. I have SR and do counseling. I learned from that life changing relapse that I couldn't do sobriety without help. Will power only takes us so far but learning to relive life and getting support in place is important.
Looking forward to your journey!! Keep it going one day at a time.
I know all too well the alcoholic mind. When I relapsed, I found that even after a few months of sobriety, I picked up the bottle just like I had when I was drinking daily. I literally drank myself into an almost life ending bender. I didn't need to drink physically for days straight but my mind was telling me and I was believing that I needed more and more. It would be like giving a first time drinker a bottle of vodka and them guzzling the whole thing. Insanity it was.
What I learned from that relapse is this - I can control when I begin to drink - that is my choice but am powerless once I have that first sip. It would be like a person sitting at dinner and gorging themselves to the point of vomiting and then eating more and more afterwards if that makes sense.
I can relate also to the memory loss. I found in the last few years of drinking that the physical effects on me were worse and worse. To be honest.....I am still suffering some effects now from those years of drinking. My memory isn't what it used to be but I am working on it.
Hang in there. It is your choice whether to go to the liquor store or not. What will truly help you is getting support. I have SR and do counseling. I learned from that life changing relapse that I couldn't do sobriety without help. Will power only takes us so far but learning to relive life and getting support in place is important.
Looking forward to your journey!! Keep it going one day at a time.
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