DogTired

I am a 44 year old single mom of a wonderful 7 year old, successful business woman, community leader, and a closet drunk. I drink at least a bottle of wine every night, sometimes 1 and 1/2. I convince myself that because I don't look like an alcoholic on the outside, I don't have to do anything about it. But my health is deteriorating and I feel very isolated. I can abstain from alcohol, no problem - I never drink around my family and not much socially. But at home it's different story. I don't really feel physically addicted but it's like it fills an emotional void. Can anyone relate? I tried AA once and it didn't work for me.

coffeenut

Welcome to SR! Your story could be my story....I thought I was doing pretty well as a functional alcoholic....but deep down, I knew better.

I drank for 30 years. Been sober for almost 2. Honestly, it really has been the best 2 years of my life. Really.

Please read around the site.....and post a lot!

Dee74

Hi DT

Welcome

I can definitely relate and I'm sure many other can relate too - in the end things progressed to the point I was not going out at all because I was either drinking at home or recovering from it.

I have been sober 3 years and did not use AA so it's not the only way to get sober.

It does however require a great deal of work and commitment to be your own taskmaster - I used SR a lot for my support.

It's worked for me, but I hope that anyone who finds SR is not enough for them reconsiders using AA or some other recovery group for help

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

D

Impurrfect

(((DogTired))) - welcome to SR!! You're definitely in the right place for support. Though I have some friends/family for f2f support, SR has been a huge part of my recovery.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Emmy69

Hi DT. My story is very similar. I could "control" my drinking when out in public, never had a legal problem or even embarrased myself when out with friends/family. But every night I drank myself silly at home. I think the illusion of having control makes it harder for us to accept that we really have a problem. It took me many, many years of denial, and excuses but I finally understood I didn't have control. I'd never have control. I finally admitted that to myself and spent alot of time lurking here on SR reading people's stories before I knew I was ready.

It's been 72 days today and I feel better than I ever have.

Read stories, post when you want to. Ask people for help or advice any time. The people of SR are the best.

Best of luck. You can do it! :ghug3

Kmber2010

Welcome to SR DT.

I also hid my drinking pretty well. Yes, I had the occasional slips but NO ONE knew how much I drank because I drank at home, usually alone, by myself. If I was talking on the phone then people prob knew I was drunk but no one really saw it except my hubby. Even he didn't know except for the tell tale empty bottles in large quantities.

If you want to make a change then just toss all of the booze and seek support. SR is here and is working for me. I also have sought counseling to help me better understand and deal with underlying issues.

All the best and know that you have a great community of support and that sobriety is possible. Everything from joyful moments to painful times can be done sober.

All the best.

HumbleBee

Welcome to SR, DT - raising hand in agreement as to what you described.

The difference for me was that when wine was not doing it for me anymore (one bottle, then 1.5, then nearly two) and it started making me sick, I graduated to vodka.

Before that, however, I found it increasingly necessary to excuse myself from functions and social, family gatherings so that I could just sit and drink - alone.

This is how the downward spiral works.

Alcohol wants to rob you of everything and it wants to get you alone first to do it.

Good for you for recognizing it. Know that you're not alone. Keep reading and posting and look for similarities and what things worked for other people.

The AA program of recovery is not for everyone. I used it in early sobriety and found its face-to-support really helpful - just being with people who knew what I was going through.

I also saw a professional counselor, specifically trained in alcohol abuse and in recovery himself - he saved my life.

Glad you're here. The people and support are amazing. I learn alot of somethings every day here.

Hevyn

Welcome DogTired! It's very wise of you to be taking action now. At 44 I was still able to control my intake and manage my life. In my 50's it was an entirely different story. I was in the grips of this disease - drinking every day. I was so happy to find SR because I no longer felt alone or afraid. I hope you'll feel the same way. We're glad you're here!

Lenina

DogTired,

I can't add much more to what's been said but do want to add my welcome!

Love,

Lenina

Ghostly

I can relate too. I hid my drinking well. I didn't drink much when I was out but needed to get home so I could get to it. I used this as an excuse to kid myself that I didn't have a problem. I think you came to a great place. Welcome.

Firefly305

I too am a 44 year old woman... married; three kids.

This is my first day as a member of SR; 56 days sober. Shocked to be saying those words because how could I be an alcoholic? I reasoned away the daily drinking. Never got a DWI; was rarely drunk; and like you, never made a fool of myself with friends/family ... But darn if I didn't plot in scheme to keep my drinking a secret. I drank more each day... earlier each day... told myself it wasn't a problem because I was so functional.

I did not want to do AA... and still don't. I've spent the last few hours in the chat room and feel like I'm home. Very grateful for everyone's support.

I'm glad you posted and hope you utilize everyone who is on the site for you.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Firefly

Hope to see you around some more - this is a great bunch of folks.
There's a lot of support here

D

Dream2bClean

WELCOME, you will find a lot of great support here...stick around!!!! We'll be here (by the grace of God I will)
<3 Dream

DogTired

THanks, everyone. I just don't get why I keep doing it. Sometimes I don't even like it that much! And it's ruining my health. I do need to go back to my counselor...

I am wondering how I can best use this site to help me. Any suggestions?

Andi

Hey DogTired,

You will find your way around soon, but what helped me a lot was reading, reading and then some more reading on SR.
Learing facts about this this disease and posting away. Don't be afraid that people will think you're nagging or whatever, we don't. So keep coming back and keep expressing yourself.

Just knowing that there is always movement on SR helps me mentally, I am not alone. Whatever part of the day or night, someone from somewhere around our globe will be here.

I quit in April and latched on to the "Class of April 2010" group, I still post a lot there and love to read about everybody's progress, the good and the bad days. And I don't want to let them down.

Take Care.

Dee74

When I first got here, I basically read everything I could in the newcomers and alcoholism forums, posted to others where I could, and posted for myself when I needed support.

I figured at least I wasn't running out for another bottle.

The chat room is another way to do both things.

Support - either giving it or receiving it - made the difference for me

D

least

Welcome to the SR family! I would also suggest reading reading reading and posting your questions. There are informational threads at the top of each forum, called 'sticky' threads, I'd suggest reading them, lots of info there. Come here and post if you have the urge to drink. Post BEFORE you drink, we'll try our best to convince you not to drink.

I can only say that for all the effort and sacrifice and changes it takes to stay sober, it sure is worth it. I love waking up clear headed and not sick as a dog. I love being alert and aware so I'm ready for whatever life throws at me. I love not wasting my money and time. I love having my self respect back, as well as my health, and the respect of my kids. Living sober rocks!!


love your name, by the way!

artsoul

Hi Dog Tired! Another single mom here and closet wine/beer drinker. Apparently there's alot of us out there! I was drinking when I found SR and spent a week or two reading before I got up the nerve to post and call it quits on alcohol. That was a month ago. I give alot of credit to this place for my sobriety.

The title of my very first post was "Why do I do this?" - which is exactly what you were asking. It's insane, isn't it? We drink each day because we think we can't live without it, but the truth is alcohol is causing all the anxiety, depression and isolation that makes us so miserable. I had to stop the madness and I'm glad I did because I could feel my health starting to decline too.

You deserve a decent life and you can do it. Keep posting - we're here for you!!!!!:day6

seeker7

Welcome Dogtired! I can relate. I was where you are.

I'm 43, married with 2 kids. When I joined SR about 6 months ago, I didn't think I was an alcoholic but I knew I was abusing alcohol. I tried stopping on my own but it was like there was another person inside that took over the controls at 5pm. No matter how determined I was to not drink in the morning, I always gave in later. I had now idea how powerful alcohol was. I was completely ignorant of the progressive nature of alcoholism.

This is how I used the site when I first joined. I read people's stories. Then, I read about alcohol's affect on the brain. Finally, I read about what to expect after quitting. The information on SR is awesome. I continue to read and post because even though I haven't had a drink in nearly six months, I can sometimes still convince myself that "those things" will never happen to me. After all, I was able to moderate at one time. I'm sure I can do it again. When I get these thoughts, I come back here and soon I'm back in my right mind again. The support here is so strong, enough to break free of the addiction and maintain a much more fulfilling life free of alcohol. It's most definitely worth it.

Taking5

Do you remember the first time you tried to ride a bike? I'll bet you fell down a few times didn't you?

So you tried AA once and that's it? Why don't you try it again? Try several different meetings, each meeting has its own personality.

Also the link in the post Dee made lists all the AA alternatives.