abandonement
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
abandonement
What a sinking feeling I had tonight reading an e mail from my old GF of 8 years. We live about an hour apart.
She left me last summer, because of what she called "my lifesyle" and a couple of months ago, called and wanted to go out to a movie ( out of the blue ). It was then I was really hitting bottom with my drinking and have been clean and sober for the last 35 days with the support of SR and some AA meetings.
Anyway, she had told me a couple of months ago ; "she didn't want to be leading me on " , ....and a few days later mentioned " I am seeing someone"
Although my new sobriety has little to do with whether or not we ever get back together, and I've felt like it would threaten my recovery to call her , but I have returned her calls when I saw she had called.
My batteries died on my cordless four days ago, so I plugged in her old phone from Spain ( which we both had tried to get the "silent ringtone" deactivated just last week !!) Finally got the right batteries for my cordless yesterday , but got her e-mail today when I got to work.
She wrote: " I tried to call the other day....Same deal, not answering, not calling back....Although I enjoy talking to you, it is disappointing with the phone thing. So it would be better not to call me anymore "
Even though I had come to accept we will probably never be together,,
it still makes me so sad and hurt to think that our friendship could end over some misunderstanding. Of course I wrote her , but I'm starting to realize abandonement is probably one of those things in my life that has brought me such pain (and fear ).
She left me last summer, because of what she called "my lifesyle" and a couple of months ago, called and wanted to go out to a movie ( out of the blue ). It was then I was really hitting bottom with my drinking and have been clean and sober for the last 35 days with the support of SR and some AA meetings.
Anyway, she had told me a couple of months ago ; "she didn't want to be leading me on " , ....and a few days later mentioned " I am seeing someone"
Although my new sobriety has little to do with whether or not we ever get back together, and I've felt like it would threaten my recovery to call her , but I have returned her calls when I saw she had called.
My batteries died on my cordless four days ago, so I plugged in her old phone from Spain ( which we both had tried to get the "silent ringtone" deactivated just last week !!) Finally got the right batteries for my cordless yesterday , but got her e-mail today when I got to work.
She wrote: " I tried to call the other day....Same deal, not answering, not calling back....Although I enjoy talking to you, it is disappointing with the phone thing. So it would be better not to call me anymore "
Even though I had come to accept we will probably never be together,,
it still makes me so sad and hurt to think that our friendship could end over some misunderstanding. Of course I wrote her , but I'm starting to realize abandonement is probably one of those things in my life that has brought me such pain (and fear ).
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
It would be sad if your friendship ended over a misunderstanding... but if the friendship were really strong it wouldn't be bothered by little 'misunderstandings'. And sometimes you just gotta take care of your own sobriety, put your sobriety first. What's that saying? "Anything you put before your sobriety you will lose."
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hey TS
Abandonment and rejection are big triggers for anyone I think, but here it sounds like this really wasn't your fault, and it sounds to me like you have enough of a relationship stretching back to be able to weather this.
I wouldn't get too bent out of shape - wait to see what her reply is
D
Abandonment and rejection are big triggers for anyone I think, but here it sounds like this really wasn't your fault, and it sounds to me like you have enough of a relationship stretching back to be able to weather this.
I wouldn't get too bent out of shape - wait to see what her reply is
D
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