Sober 102 days-But going home for the summer-Need Advice

Old 04-15-2010, 01:21 PM
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Sober 102 days-But going home for the summer-Need Advice

Hi Everyone. Today I am celebrating 102 days sober, and they have been the best 102 days of my life. I live 1000 miles away from home, and have been attending school for a year. I am 27 years old. When I moved out here, I had just been osber for 6 weeks, but reverted right back to my old ways. By the end of the fall semester, I basically hit bottom, had health issues and started AA and have been sober 102 days. Like I said, my life has been great. I have slowly been learning how to interact with my freinds I made out here, and have been good about avoiding situations I knew would be difficult for me.

The problem is, in a week I am moving back home (not with family-living on my own) for a summer internship. I am terrified to set foot in that state again, and be around old freinds, and family to be quite honest. I plan on hitting a meeting the first chance I get, and attending every day. However, my best freind is getting married in a few months, and my freinds are talking bachelor party-but its not going to be a wild one like in the movies-just old freinds getting together-but there will be lots of drinking.

I was hoping to get some advice from others out there. I may decide not to attend the bachelor party, which is fine and my freinds understand. But, I have a fear that being back home and around old influences-I worry I wont be able to make it. I have a backup thought that if it gets bad, I will pack up and leave, and go back to the state where I go to school. But, having read the big book many times, I think I am trying to create a "safe fallback" without actually using all the tools I have learned about. Either way, I am balancing having a safe plan, and using the tools I learned in AA-but I guess I dont beleive in myself. I strongly beleive in my higher power-but I worry about myself asking for help.

Sorry for the long post-but with 1 week until I leave-my thoughts are all over the place. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

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Old 04-15-2010, 02:13 PM
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Hi HIgby

I know couldn't be sober and around my old drinking circle - it was as simple as that - but they were pretty much alcoholics...I'm not sure about your friends.

If you're comfortable doing so, I suggest you let them know right from the get go what the deal is.

If you're not comfotable with full disclosure you at least need to tell all and sundry you're not drinking tonight or right now or whatever...

But the other side of the coin is - you've been living sober for 100+ days now - you can do it and you can maintain it - no matter what. Get over the block of not asking for help - ask for as much help as you need.

Keep making those fallback plans, and get a support network in place. I remember not believing in myself too - I'd been a 'failure' for so long. That was alcoholic thinking.The support I got helped me through.

You can do this.
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Old 04-15-2010, 03:23 PM
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I think that being aware that you are putting yourself in a more vulnerable position will help. Be aware, plan ahead and do what you need to do. Don't go to the bachelor part if you think it's risky, come here to SR and check in, do whatever you can to make it work.
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Old 04-15-2010, 03:54 PM
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Thanks Dee and Anna for the info. I plan on not attending the party. My freinds understand-but they dont understand the nature of my problem, so its easier to just avoid certain situations. I am definitely comfortable with full disclosure.

I plan on spending LOTS of time here at SR over the next few months. I already am on here daily, but will rely on everyone even more.

Thanks again
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Old 04-15-2010, 08:56 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When I relocated twice in recovery.....I quickly
found an AA group to hang out with....

New sober friends made the transisztion smooth.

Check out the final paragraph in the 43
for how I have kept sober...regardless of external forces.

Congratulations on your sober time ....
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Old 04-15-2010, 09:12 PM
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As a result of working the steps and a spiritual awakening i no longer fear alcohol and can go anywhere and do anything...obviously i choose to not sit in a bar until midnight drinking coke as i would be bored and find the conversation boring and frankly have no wish to either.

Before this, whilst doing the work, i avoided all drinking occasions on the advice of my sponsor and all places associated with drinking...that said we used to meet in a cafe bar after meetings where there would be 6 of us at a table drinking coffee and the table next to us a group of lads drinking beers...but i was with sober friends so did not feel at all threatened.

I think going out with friends that you have drunk with before is asking for trouble at this stage, im just guessing you are still doing the steps?

If you going to move back to an old place IMO you need to step up your step work, and make sure you get into AA there and make friends like your life depends on it even if you dont want to, if you find it boring listening to old war stories with the only guy that goes to coffees after meetings you just sit'll be your spiritual condition and where you are with you that will determine how this goes, ive done the x months sober thing away from a place then moved back and drunk again many times over the years and i think it is very healthy that you are fearful because it is not an irrational fear at all...

It might be helpful to have an exit strategy, your internship wont help you if you end up going on a bender and get asked to leave...if it gets too much can you go back to where you are now, even if you end up having to repeat a year or take another internship?
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Old 04-17-2010, 11:26 AM
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Hey, thanks for the feedback. Yes, I am working the steps, step 4 currently. Thanks for confirming that my fears are not irrational. I agree with you on the exit plan-my sobriety is number 1 and I wont think twice about leaving and coming back here.

One of the things I think I need to hinge on is that I really dont have any sober freinds back home, only here. I hadn't considered looking for new sober freinds so I will definitely do that.

Thanks for the help
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