Yer man I have a drinking problem. Alcoholic? Screw you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Yer man I have a drinking problem. Alcoholic? Screw you.
This was the turning point in my recovery.
I remember being at a bar about 4 years and onto about my 8th double after about 4 pints watching a mates band. It was great because there were many of my mates in there just getting blasted. It was a Thursday night so drinks were really cheap.
I remember talking to a girl that I used to really like, but as usual getting annoyed because she was interested in talking to others. As usual I didn't really care as I just thought f*ck em and then hung out with the lads and proceeded to just get blasted and totally wasted. I remember being at the bar and talking to another friend/acqaintance how I had a drink problem. But this didn't bother me and so what if I had a drink problem.
yes, I drink till I passout so yes i have a problem, but that's just because everyone else is so straight laced and conservative. Saying I had a drink-problem sort of made me feel OK about buying more drinks in and was water off a ducks back. I mean people have a lot of problems... but what's a problem anyway?
Now fast-forward a few years and the alcoholic term was starting to be flung around in my direction and this was like a red-rag-to-a-bull. It flipped a switch in me and really annoyed me. How dare people call me an alcoholic. B*stards. I just like to get wrecked, wheres the problem, whats the big deal.
I still never introduced myself as an alcoholic at AA meetings for my first stint in AA. Trying to have the upper hand over alcohol and that I am not totally powerless and bodily and mentally different to my peers.
My turning point was when I could openly refer to myself as an alcoholic. That is fundamentally what keeps me sober today. Total and utter acceptance that I'm an alcoholic and that for me to live a happy life, then I must not take that first drink 'just for today'.
The plus side to that is that I have learned so much about myself and have been given a totally new direction in my life, that would have never have came about if I was still saying I have a drink problem. Having a drink problem just gave me excuse to keep rationalising the 'problem'. Being an alcoholic is definitive and it means that each new day I know where I stand.
Peace
I remember being at a bar about 4 years and onto about my 8th double after about 4 pints watching a mates band. It was great because there were many of my mates in there just getting blasted. It was a Thursday night so drinks were really cheap.
I remember talking to a girl that I used to really like, but as usual getting annoyed because she was interested in talking to others. As usual I didn't really care as I just thought f*ck em and then hung out with the lads and proceeded to just get blasted and totally wasted. I remember being at the bar and talking to another friend/acqaintance how I had a drink problem. But this didn't bother me and so what if I had a drink problem.
yes, I drink till I passout so yes i have a problem, but that's just because everyone else is so straight laced and conservative. Saying I had a drink-problem sort of made me feel OK about buying more drinks in and was water off a ducks back. I mean people have a lot of problems... but what's a problem anyway?
Now fast-forward a few years and the alcoholic term was starting to be flung around in my direction and this was like a red-rag-to-a-bull. It flipped a switch in me and really annoyed me. How dare people call me an alcoholic. B*stards. I just like to get wrecked, wheres the problem, whats the big deal.
I still never introduced myself as an alcoholic at AA meetings for my first stint in AA. Trying to have the upper hand over alcohol and that I am not totally powerless and bodily and mentally different to my peers.
My turning point was when I could openly refer to myself as an alcoholic. That is fundamentally what keeps me sober today. Total and utter acceptance that I'm an alcoholic and that for me to live a happy life, then I must not take that first drink 'just for today'.
The plus side to that is that I have learned so much about myself and have been given a totally new direction in my life, that would have never have came about if I was still saying I have a drink problem. Having a drink problem just gave me excuse to keep rationalising the 'problem'. Being an alcoholic is definitive and it means that each new day I know where I stand.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
i told everyone that would listen for a long time that i was an alcoholic....
looking back i thought it gave me carte blanch/justification/reason/excuse...blah to behave the way i did...before i did it! lol...
got the biggest relief when my sponsor taught me about alcoholism from the big book.
i knew what i was after all this time,had always known there wasnt something right about me....that i am bodily and mentally different from my fellows is ok today,cos now i have been given and live in the solution.....magic.
looking back i thought it gave me carte blanch/justification/reason/excuse...blah to behave the way i did...before i did it! lol...
got the biggest relief when my sponsor taught me about alcoholism from the big book.
i knew what i was after all this time,had always known there wasnt something right about me....that i am bodily and mentally different from my fellows is ok today,cos now i have been given and live in the solution.....magic.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
I completely agree Neo! In my mind, Drinking problem = I can still try and control it. Alcoholic = I can never touch the stuff. When I came to SR and saw all these wonderful alcoholics who didn't mind admitting what they were I got the courage to lay it down. Playing with moderating almost got me killed.
You're doing great, Neo! I'm so proud of you.
You're doing great, Neo! I'm so proud of you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NorthWest
Posts: 117
Neo, I've been on SR for about 4 months and have really enjoyed your posts. For the heck of it, I decided to go back and look at your old posts... starting a little less than a year ago. Interesting stuff... you've come a long way and us newbies can learn a lot from someone like you. Keep it up!
BBR
BBR
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 246
Just in the past few months have I found myself referring to me as an alcoholic on these boards. Like Smacked, I never could imagine saying or believing it while I was drinking. Like you Neo, I've found new directions with family, music, freelance work, volunteering... hell even sleep. Not only does booze destroy our health, but I'm ashamed to admit all the time I wasted organizing and planning my drinking or excuses to drink. "Can't do that, because I'll probably have a few stiff ones under my belt tonight!" What a colossal amount of time alcohol consumed in my life up until age 39. Wish I had figured it out at 19, but better 39 than 59, I guess.
Great post as usual Neo, and thanks for supporting and inspiring everyone on SR.
Great post as usual Neo, and thanks for supporting and inspiring everyone on SR.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Just reading over some of my first posts/threads, as that reply by bbr inspired me too. I had always been reluctant as i didn't dare to read my drunk posts.
What struck me is how fragile it all is when first trying to get and stay sober. I wanted everything to happen so quick and wanted my 'social' life to remain the same, but I wanted to be sober too.
Man I have changed so much in the 10 months I have been a member on SR. I was reading posts sporadically for probably over a year as a non-member, mostly sitting at the computer wasted and thinking what a load of b*llocks everyone was spouting. LOL
The hopelessness of it all also strikes me. It is very difficult to gain faith in alcoholics, who sound so optimistic and positive about wanting to be sober, but then just go back out and drink again.
I am so grateful that i have got out of that. It's also interesting to see how people replied to me when I had been back drinking again. I was just another hopeless drunk who most people on SR probably thought would dissapear into cyberspace, like most of the other members, after a few weeks. I am glad that I came back and I knew that recovery was the answer for me.
Recovery for me meant total abstinance from alcohol and drugs. A seemingly daunting propect to a 23 yearold.
Looking back now though and thinking where I was just 10 months ago, it is all so worth it! It has only happened as a result of not taking that first drink 'just for today'.
Thanks SR...
Peace and Love
What struck me is how fragile it all is when first trying to get and stay sober. I wanted everything to happen so quick and wanted my 'social' life to remain the same, but I wanted to be sober too.
Man I have changed so much in the 10 months I have been a member on SR. I was reading posts sporadically for probably over a year as a non-member, mostly sitting at the computer wasted and thinking what a load of b*llocks everyone was spouting. LOL
The hopelessness of it all also strikes me. It is very difficult to gain faith in alcoholics, who sound so optimistic and positive about wanting to be sober, but then just go back out and drink again.
I am so grateful that i have got out of that. It's also interesting to see how people replied to me when I had been back drinking again. I was just another hopeless drunk who most people on SR probably thought would dissapear into cyberspace, like most of the other members, after a few weeks. I am glad that I came back and I knew that recovery was the answer for me.
Recovery for me meant total abstinance from alcohol and drugs. A seemingly daunting propect to a 23 yearold.
Looking back now though and thinking where I was just 10 months ago, it is all so worth it! It has only happened as a result of not taking that first drink 'just for today'.
Thanks SR...
Peace and Love
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