TOPIC: Someone Approaches You. Now What?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
TOPIC: Someone Approaches You. Now What?
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the grace of my HP and people
like u here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of
"POISON" since 8-11-90.
For that and u I am truely grateful.
Someone approaches you and
asks if u could sponsor them.
What do say?
Would u run and hide?
Would you share your number
to call for guidance?
Would you speak up in a
meeting intriducing the new
comer and asking for help?
Do you have enough sober or
clean ESH to help them?
Share your own ESH....
EXPERIENCE, STRENGTHS AND
HOPE if u were faced or placed
in this position.
By the grace of my HP and people
like u here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of
"POISON" since 8-11-90.
For that and u I am truely grateful.
Someone approaches you and
asks if u could sponsor them.
What do say?
Would u run and hide?
Would you share your number
to call for guidance?
Would you speak up in a
meeting intriducing the new
comer and asking for help?
Do you have enough sober or
clean ESH to help them?
Share your own ESH....
EXPERIENCE, STRENGTHS AND
HOPE if u were faced or placed
in this position.
~ still a believer ~
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 141
interesting topic.........cant answer, since I am on the flip side of "that" question as I am in the process of looking for / getting my first sponsor.
So, I am interested in how the other side feels when being approached, and asked to be a sponsor........
and, fantastic stats on your 9+ years Sharon!
Its truly people like you, SR and AA......that keep people like me focused and grounded ~
Din
So, I am interested in how the other side feels when being approached, and asked to be a sponsor........
and, fantastic stats on your 9+ years Sharon!
Its truly people like you, SR and AA......that keep people like me focused and grounded ~
Din
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Somewhere along the Delaware River, Pennsylvania
Posts: 137
Hi, I'm Melissa and I'm an alcoholic.
By the grace of my Higher Power and AA, I have 22 days sober today.
I was recently in the situation where I was looking for a sponsor. It wasn't easy. A nice elderly lady took me on temporarily and somewhat reluctantly, for she was about to embark on a trip overseas for several months to visit with her daughter. Once she left, I was back in the same situation...I needed a sponsor, but who? I liked one lady from my group quite a bit and asked her, but she had too many sponsees to take on someone new. Instead, she established a connection for me with a friend of hers, also a member of our home group, who was willing to take on the responsibility. For that I am extremely grateful.
When I am lucky enough to have several years of sobriety under my belt (and I say WHEN rather than IF because it WILL happen; all I have to do is stay on my path), and I felt comfortable, I would welcome the opportunity to help a newcomer. I will remember what it felt like to be that newcomer. I will embrace the opportunity because it will enable me to continue working the twelve steps and give back.
As a side note, have any of the ladies on this site noticed that it seems harder for women to find a sponsor than men? I don't mean this in a derogatory sense, it just seems to be true. A man can come into the rooms and get lots of phone numbers and support pretty quickly, but it seems that women have to work a little harder at it...I don't know if this is a figment of my imagination, or if there are just less recovering women out there than men, or what it might be. Again, this is just what I felt.
By the grace of my Higher Power and AA, I have 22 days sober today.
I was recently in the situation where I was looking for a sponsor. It wasn't easy. A nice elderly lady took me on temporarily and somewhat reluctantly, for she was about to embark on a trip overseas for several months to visit with her daughter. Once she left, I was back in the same situation...I needed a sponsor, but who? I liked one lady from my group quite a bit and asked her, but she had too many sponsees to take on someone new. Instead, she established a connection for me with a friend of hers, also a member of our home group, who was willing to take on the responsibility. For that I am extremely grateful.
When I am lucky enough to have several years of sobriety under my belt (and I say WHEN rather than IF because it WILL happen; all I have to do is stay on my path), and I felt comfortable, I would welcome the opportunity to help a newcomer. I will remember what it felt like to be that newcomer. I will embrace the opportunity because it will enable me to continue working the twelve steps and give back.
As a side note, have any of the ladies on this site noticed that it seems harder for women to find a sponsor than men? I don't mean this in a derogatory sense, it just seems to be true. A man can come into the rooms and get lots of phone numbers and support pretty quickly, but it seems that women have to work a little harder at it...I don't know if this is a figment of my imagination, or if there are just less recovering women out there than men, or what it might be. Again, this is just what I felt.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I remember how scared I was
when i was asked to find 3
sponsors before i was to leave
rehab.
Fear to impose on someone.
Fear of disturbing another.
I dont like to bother folks.
One lady that came to the
treatment center to take
patiants to their outside
meetings was the one i
asked in a round about
way to be my sponsor.
She never told me what to
do. She never scolded me
or made me feel less than.
She gently suggested things
to do that she did to stay
sober.
It was by her actions that
inspired me and guided me
along the right path.
Today...even tho i dont
speak to her....she will always
be my sponsor. Just remember-
ing her sharing her own ESH
with me in early recovery has
left a profound mark in my
mind and heart.
I dont sponsor anyone person
but rather sponsor many just
by sharing what it was like
before during and after drinking.
I have various tools i use still
today in my program and being
here in SR is one. It is one of
my main lifelines to staying
connected with recovery.
when i was asked to find 3
sponsors before i was to leave
rehab.
Fear to impose on someone.
Fear of disturbing another.
I dont like to bother folks.
One lady that came to the
treatment center to take
patiants to their outside
meetings was the one i
asked in a round about
way to be my sponsor.
She never told me what to
do. She never scolded me
or made me feel less than.
She gently suggested things
to do that she did to stay
sober.
It was by her actions that
inspired me and guided me
along the right path.
Today...even tho i dont
speak to her....she will always
be my sponsor. Just remember-
ing her sharing her own ESH
with me in early recovery has
left a profound mark in my
mind and heart.
I dont sponsor anyone person
but rather sponsor many just
by sharing what it was like
before during and after drinking.
I have various tools i use still
today in my program and being
here in SR is one. It is one of
my main lifelines to staying
connected with recovery.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
I remember the first time that someone came up and asked me I was only 6 months sober hummm that is kinda ironic cause that just made me realize what I had than compared to what I have now....
Anyways I remember like it was yesterday.
I said, "Darrel, could you give me a chance to talk it over with my Sponsor before I give you a answer."
See I back than I ran everything that I was even thinking about doing over to him before I made any decisions. WOW OMG I just realized what I've been lacking.
Anyway I talked it over with him and he said, "Sure Vic, You have one heck of a program going on, I don't see how it could hurt."
Well that's what I did, I asked my sponsor what he thought first!
Anyways I remember like it was yesterday.
I said, "Darrel, could you give me a chance to talk it over with my Sponsor before I give you a answer."
See I back than I ran everything that I was even thinking about doing over to him before I made any decisions. WOW OMG I just realized what I've been lacking.
Anyway I talked it over with him and he said, "Sure Vic, You have one heck of a program going on, I don't see how it could hurt."
Well that's what I did, I asked my sponsor what he thought first!
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by lostmyway 
Hi, I'm Melissa and I'm an alcoholic.
When I am lucky enough to have several years of sobriety under my belt (and I say WHEN rather than IF because it WILL happen; all I have to do is stay on my path), and I felt comfortable, I would welcome the opportunity to help a newcomer.
When I am lucky enough to have several years of sobriety under my belt (and I say WHEN rather than IF because it WILL happen; all I have to do is stay on my path), and I felt comfortable, I would welcome the opportunity to help a newcomer.
Helping the suffering alcoholic and/or the newcomer is not about getting them sober. We have no power to get anyone else sober - we learned the hard way we couldn't get ourselves sober. We work Step 12 to keep ourselves sober. We make a deal with God at Step 3 for him to take away our difficulties so we may help others. When we receive that gift at Step 12, we give it away.
Bill started his Step 12 equivilant as he left the hospital. I think he worked with other alcoholics for about 6 months. None of them got sober, but he stayed sober.
As a side note, have any of the ladies on this site noticed that it seems harder for women to find a sponsor than men? I don't mean this in a derogatory sense, it just seems to be true
All I can say is that when you are at Step 12 you will have much of God's work to do
Also bear in mind that everytime you share at this moment in a meeting of how you are finding the solution, you will help a newcomer. Everytime you say hello to a newcomer and welcome them, you are helping them. Everytime you share here about how you are working your program, you are helping a newcomer.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Originally Posted by lostmyway
As a side note, have any of the ladies on this site noticed that it seems harder for women to find a sponsor than men? I don't mean this in a derogatory sense, it just seems to be true. A man can come into the rooms and get lots of phone numbers and support pretty quickly, but it seems that women have to work a little harder at it...I don't know if this is a figment of my imagination, or if there are just less recovering women out there than men, or what it might be. Again, this is just what I felt.
Me on the other hand, I was told I should learn to become self-supportive through my own contributions and my own sponsor (who I have nothing against to this day) told me I should not take it personal when I don't get invited to after-meeting fast food-ing and what not... after all, I haven't been part of this all AA stuff for more than 4 months... what do I expect, that they'll instantly be my friend? No, daughter, it takes work...
But for the sons, it's kinda given, seems to me too.
Sorry if I'm veering the topic towards "OFF"... don't mean to. As y'all were.
Take care every last one of y'all,
TB
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
What an awesome topic Sharon along with some awesome replies.
I have never turned down being a mans temporary sponsor, the reason I say temporary is because my first meeting out of detox I asked a man to be my sponsor, you see I was desperate, I did not want to die & I knew if I drank again it was all but over for me. In detox they had told us that if we wanted a CHANCE at long term sobriety to go to 90+ AA meeting in 90 days & get a sponsor & I was beaten badly enough to FOLLOW SUGGESTIONS!!!!
When I asked Dan to be my sponsor he told me "No", for a split second I really thought I was a lost soul, then he continued "But I will be your temporary sponsor." We spoke that night for some time, he explained to me how important a sponsor sponsee relationship was & that he wanted to leave the door open for me to seek out a matching sponsor for myself. He also passed on to me suggestions that he had followed to stay sober..... I followed these,
He was right, I did find another man that was a better match for me to be my sponsor, Dan & I remain loving friends to this day over 3 1/2 years later.
I love to sponsor men, I sponsor them the same way that worked for me, temporary to start with & if they wish sponsor. I let them know from the get go the same suggestions that worked for me & let them know that they are helping me stay sober perhaps more then I will ever be able to help them stay sober.
I take guys through the steps the same way I was taken through the steps, right out of the book sharing my ES&H & answering questions, making suggestions & calling BS when I hear it! LOL
I pass on freely to any man that ask what was freely passed on to me, a new way of life!
I have never turned down being a mans temporary sponsor, the reason I say temporary is because my first meeting out of detox I asked a man to be my sponsor, you see I was desperate, I did not want to die & I knew if I drank again it was all but over for me. In detox they had told us that if we wanted a CHANCE at long term sobriety to go to 90+ AA meeting in 90 days & get a sponsor & I was beaten badly enough to FOLLOW SUGGESTIONS!!!!
When I asked Dan to be my sponsor he told me "No", for a split second I really thought I was a lost soul, then he continued "But I will be your temporary sponsor." We spoke that night for some time, he explained to me how important a sponsor sponsee relationship was & that he wanted to leave the door open for me to seek out a matching sponsor for myself. He also passed on to me suggestions that he had followed to stay sober..... I followed these,
He was right, I did find another man that was a better match for me to be my sponsor, Dan & I remain loving friends to this day over 3 1/2 years later.
I love to sponsor men, I sponsor them the same way that worked for me, temporary to start with & if they wish sponsor. I let them know from the get go the same suggestions that worked for me & let them know that they are helping me stay sober perhaps more then I will ever be able to help them stay sober.
I take guys through the steps the same way I was taken through the steps, right out of the book sharing my ES&H & answering questions, making suggestions & calling BS when I hear it! LOL
I pass on freely to any man that ask what was freely passed on to me, a new way of life!
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