Intro & ranting

Old 02-08-2010, 10:17 PM
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Intro & ranting

Well, I've been lurking for the past 3 hours, reading up on some of your experiences, and I thought I'd join in.

I found this site just this evening. I had a beer this afternoon, and it turned into two. And into three. And four. And I was out, so I had a few JD & Cokes (I actually don't even remember how many) until I passed out. Then I woke up, and finally thought "enough."

So I found the site and started reading through... and I was thinking I didn't need to post, I could just do it on my own, after all I already made the first step of finding the site... but then I figured, if I sign up and post, it'll make the commitment that much more real.

I never thought I had a problem until recently, when I finally realized that once I start drinking, I can't stop myself. I'm 32, and I can't believe it's taken me this long to figure it out!

I started drinking when I was 15, smoking weed at 18, and cigarettes at 19. I've never been the drink-a-day type, but I would drink heavily at least a few times a month, and smoke weed as well. I messed up quite a few times with college, dropping out and going back. I tried all kinds of drugs: E, LSD, cocaine, etc, but luckily never got addicted to those. Weed, smokes and alcohol were my favorites.

After figuring out that weed was seriously affecting my day-to-day motivation (I'd wake up and not feel like doing *anything*), I quit. For me, that was easy. In just over 5 years, I've smoked it 2 or 3 times and found that I didn't really miss it. Of course, looking back tonight, I wonder why I even tried...

In any case, I used to be able to go weeks and months without drinking, but as soon as I had one, I had to get drunk. Two years ago, I woke up in a hospital all bloodied from a fight I didn't even remember! But even that wasn't enough to make me realize I had a problem.

No, I only realized it today for some reason. I noticed today that my drinking is only intensifying. I used to have the occasional binge, but for the past 2-3 months, I've started drinking 2-3 times a week, anywhere from 6 to 12 beers.

I'm also quitting the nicotine addiction. I'm prepared for a tough fight there, but I would really like be sober and a non-smoker. When I met my girlfriend 4 years ago, I promised her I'd quit smoking. Except I only quit smoking in front of her; I've been smoking in hiding since! And I know she knows, but she doesn't bring it up.

In any case, apologies for the rant, but now I guess I'm vested in seeing this through... I'm not usually the sharing type! Day One in the morning...
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Old 02-08-2010, 10:20 PM
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Welocome to SR!!!
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Old 02-09-2010, 12:01 AM
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welcome !
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Old 02-09-2010, 12:43 AM
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Welcome darkpen

I too gave up weed (preety easily) and embraced alcohol more fully - and it damn near killed me.

Its great you're looking at this now instead of riding the train to the near-end like I did.

You'll find a lot of help and support here.

Welcome to SR
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Old 02-09-2010, 12:50 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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All my best as you and your lady head
into a healthy sober future....
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Old 02-09-2010, 02:27 AM
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hello and welcome to sr!
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Old 02-09-2010, 04:14 AM
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Welcome to SR! Congrats on deciding to stop drinking. By quitting now you will eliminate all the risk and danger that comes from drinking.
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Old 02-09-2010, 04:48 AM
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Welcome to SR darkpen.
You can count me in in the group that gave up smoking up but increased my alcohol intake instead.
For me when I said enough was enough I quit and have been sober since so I am sure you can do the same.
Good luck to you.
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Old 02-09-2010, 05:01 AM
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Just wanted to say welcome! You're among friends here who understand.

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Old 02-09-2010, 05:14 AM
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Don't resist, allow
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Old 02-09-2010, 05:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I too gave up weed (preety easily) and embraced alcohol more fully
So, it's not just me. When I was younger, I thought I liked weed more than booze. Now I look at weed as just getting in the way of booze. How sick is that?
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Old 02-09-2010, 05:59 AM
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Welcome to SR darkpen, lots of good people here for support.

Darkpen what you have described in your drinking history is the progression of alcoholism, very similar to my progression at your age, but I was not nearly ready to stop at that point, glad to hear you are wiser then I was.

I too was a smoker, when I finally broke down and saw a doctor who specialized in Drug Addiction and Alcoholism he put me into medical detox, I asked him if then would be a good time to quit smoking as well? He told me that I really needed to tackle one addiction at a time, he suggested that I not even try to quit smoking until I was solid in my recovery from my alcoholism.

Well I actually listened to him!!! LOL I quit smoking exactly one year after I began my recovery, it was really hard, but I used the same steps I had used in AA to overcome my drinking to quit smoking.

darkpen that is my experience, I know a few people in AA who quit smoking at the same time they quit drinking, but most of them quit drinking first and then quit smoking later.
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Old 02-09-2010, 06:07 AM
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I agree with Tazman. Trying to give up both smoking and drinking will be very difficult if done at one time. I would focus on eliminating one first and then the other.
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Old 02-09-2010, 06:47 AM
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Thanks for the great welcome! It's always reassuring to know you're not alone.

After waking up (from a whopping 2 hours of sleep), I did some thinking, and I agree with you all; I think I'll put off quitting smoking until I know I've got this one under control. I'm always up for a challenge, but I'll hedge my bets and stick to winning them one at a time!

Talk about timing, too; while cleaning up yesterday's leftovers, I discovered that I had filled an antique flask with JD and I don't even remember doing it. Who knows what the heck I was planning to do before I passed out... Strange stuff.
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Old 02-09-2010, 07:46 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

Denial is such a huge part of addiction and it's one of the reasons that things can often get so bad before we notice the problem. I'm glad you're making the decision at this point, to live a sober life. The thing is, alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse if you don't stop. That's the nature of the disease. I think you might find, that when you stop drinking and begin recovering, smoking will lose its appeal. When I was drinking, I paid almost no attention to routine medical appointments and things like that. In recovery I enjoy exercise, eating well and being with myself.
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Old 02-09-2010, 08:06 AM
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Welcome. I am new today as of yesterday. Binge Drinker here and smoker...but I had already given up smoking 3 weeks ago. Drinking and smoking went hand and hand for me, so easy to give up smoking if I am not drinking. But if you need to do it one at a time that is okay. This site has sooooooo many supportive people and yes SKI we are not alone....aren't you amazed, yea I was like you thought it was just me til I found this site. The best thing about this site is no one judges you.....actually there are a lot of relatable people on here.
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Old 02-09-2010, 09:26 AM
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Welcome to SR Darkpen. Your wiser than a lot of us to even start thinking at 32 that you have a drinking problem, I was in my 40s before that thought really even entered my mind and I had been drinking for over 25 yrs. I tried to give up cigarettes not long after I stopped drinking and it made me so angry I almost drank, so I agree with others give up 1 addiction/habit at a time and when you are solid in sobriety then tackle the nicotine. Best wishes to you and post often.
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Old 02-10-2010, 06:02 AM
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Thanks for the welcome once again.

It's funny, as I was reading some of the stories and experiences, I was thinking "Hey, I don't get anything like those cravings... maybe I'm fine."

Then last night, I finished class at 9:30pm and all I could think about was how I could stop for just one beer before heading home. No harm in just one, right?

No cravings... yeah, right! Well, I didn't stop and didn't give in, I went straight home.
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Old 02-10-2010, 07:11 AM
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Hi Darkpen. If you're an alcoholic then it will only get worse. Sounds like that's your experience too.

Stay away from that first drink at all costs... Thats the one that gets you.

I also abused many drugs with Cocaine, E's and LSD being my fav's. Weed was a staple 'session' drug for me and I felt I needed to educate myself to like its effects but, as has been mentioned, somewhat lost it's appeal for me. I just used booze before,during and after my drugs ran out! No educating my mind to appreciate booze! Instant appreciation!! Man it's the one that got me from day one!

I am a recovering alcoholic and realising and accepting that has given my life a whole new beginning!

Peace x
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Old 02-10-2010, 11:26 AM
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Hi Darkpen - great to meet you! SR got this longterm alcoholic turned around. It was the not feeling alone anymore part that made all the difference. No matter what you're thinking or feeling, one of us has been there before. I had no support or understanding from anyone else in my life the way I did here.

We're so glad you found us, and that you've seen what needs to be done. I wish I had seen the light in my 30's - so much destruction and misery that never needed to happen. This won't be you, though - you can do this!
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