Who should know??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: VA
Posts: 55
Who should know??
From reading through many posts, I perceive that part of a successful recovery is coming clean with all of the people in your life and being honest about your addiction. I'm not attending NA or AA because I don't feel that's the right path for me. I'm going on to day 26 of being clean. Weed was my DOC. I'm using this forum, the support of a few good friends also in recovery, and by keeping myself as busy as I can. It doesn't work everyday, but so far I've managed not to use. I'm thinking if I tell my mom, it will totally devastate her and cause her more harm than it would cause me good, if that makes sense. There are other members of my family and some friends who aren't really that close to me, and I don't feel a need to tell them anything. The other part I wonder about is work. I struggle some days with performance due to wrestling with my addiction, but still show up and do what needs to be done, just not with my usual enthusiasm and level of detail. I work in a facility that serves people with disabilities. I feel I'll be looked at as no longer being "worthy" to help others if I've waited so long to help myself, etc..
So I guess what I'm asking is how necessary is it to expose this private information, why is it emphasized to do so, and is it okay to pick and choose who I wish to share it with?
So I guess what I'm asking is how necessary is it to expose this private information, why is it emphasized to do so, and is it okay to pick and choose who I wish to share it with?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 113
Hi Change,
I'm on Day 3 and asked a question regarding work which should be close to this thread - great words of wisdom were given, so I'd check it out.
I did tell my family members because I knew I needed the accountability and because we are a very close knit bunch. It wasn't easy hitting the "send" button but the amount of love I received back has been overwhelming.
Please take anything I write with a grain of salt given my new recovery but, for me, I look at it as "who can actually help encourage me and keep me accountable in my recovery." I'm sure other old timers will have better advice, however.
Good Luck!
RacerX
I'm on Day 3 and asked a question regarding work which should be close to this thread - great words of wisdom were given, so I'd check it out.
I did tell my family members because I knew I needed the accountability and because we are a very close knit bunch. It wasn't easy hitting the "send" button but the amount of love I received back has been overwhelming.
Please take anything I write with a grain of salt given my new recovery but, for me, I look at it as "who can actually help encourage me and keep me accountable in my recovery." I'm sure other old timers will have better advice, however.
Good Luck!
RacerX
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
If you can't see anything good coming from telling somebody I say do not tell them, especially your mother.
If she was unaware that you had a problem or even smoked period I can't see any good coming from revealing this to her now except perhaps to releive some of your guilt. Think of what is best for her in this case.
If she was unaware that you had a problem or even smoked period I can't see any good coming from revealing this to her now except perhaps to releive some of your guilt. Think of what is best for her in this case.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by ChangeGonnaCome 
I'm thinking if I tell my mom, it will totally devastate her and cause her more harm than it would cause me good, if that makes sense. There are other members of my family and some friends who aren't really that close to me, and I don't feel a need to tell them anything.
Do you think that you can tell those who offer you a drink or drugs that you don't drink any more or use drugs?
Sober Date 12/21/09
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Southern California
Posts: 83
I don't see any benefit to telling ANYONE at work. Workplaces can be unfriendly and competitive some times. Why give any unscrupulous person anything to use against you? As was said, if there is some benefit to it, maybe, but I can't see how it would help. Because what happens if you come in one day and just have a case of the "Blahs"? They might quickly assume it's drug related if they know your history.
If you continue to stay clean your work should improve and hopefully they will take notice and give you full credit without having to worry that you might start using again. I wouldn't give them that worry, if it were me.
If you continue to stay clean your work should improve and hopefully they will take notice and give you full credit without having to worry that you might start using again. I wouldn't give them that worry, if it were me.
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Hello ChangeGonnacome,
Telling certain people might be best when you change your nickname to "the change came" ;-) I think after some time you might feel differently. The people I've told when it became appropriate seem to have a deeper respect for me. They confide in me. Everyone's screwed up on one level or another, go figure.
"I work in a facility that serves people with disabilities. I feel I'll be looked at as no longer being "worthy" to help others if I've waited so long to help myself, etc.."
I too work in those fields. Volunter work in two different facilities. Now, that said, when I started. I TOLD the interviewers - I didn't get the WORK. duh.
Anyway, my sponsor called a woman's meeting with some elders. People who are real anchors in AA. We spoke in length about how to approach this, as almost all jobs flat out ask, which means I have to flat out lie.
We decided the good I can do for people far outweighed this particular white lie. Over a year later, it has proven to be true.
Telling certain people might be best when you change your nickname to "the change came" ;-) I think after some time you might feel differently. The people I've told when it became appropriate seem to have a deeper respect for me. They confide in me. Everyone's screwed up on one level or another, go figure.
"I work in a facility that serves people with disabilities. I feel I'll be looked at as no longer being "worthy" to help others if I've waited so long to help myself, etc.."
I too work in those fields. Volunter work in two different facilities. Now, that said, when I started. I TOLD the interviewers - I didn't get the WORK. duh.
Anyway, my sponsor called a woman's meeting with some elders. People who are real anchors in AA. We spoke in length about how to approach this, as almost all jobs flat out ask, which means I have to flat out lie.
We decided the good I can do for people far outweighed this particular white lie. Over a year later, it has proven to be true.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
Hi Racer,
I've been sober for quite awhile now and for me, it would be very rare for me to tell someone in my life about my addiction. I believe it's a highly personal issue and my recovery is also personal.
If you have some trusted friends who you know will support you, then that's great, But, I have found that there is a lot of misinformation and prejudice against addicts. I could never see a positive outcome in telling an employer or co-worker about my addiction. What would happen the next time I forgot to do something or messed up some way? I choose to not put it out there.
I've been sober for quite awhile now and for me, it would be very rare for me to tell someone in my life about my addiction. I believe it's a highly personal issue and my recovery is also personal.
If you have some trusted friends who you know will support you, then that's great, But, I have found that there is a lot of misinformation and prejudice against addicts. I could never see a positive outcome in telling an employer or co-worker about my addiction. What would happen the next time I forgot to do something or messed up some way? I choose to not put it out there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: VA
Posts: 55
Intention - yeppers - I've not experienced any difficulties in telling people "No, thanks" and making it clear I no longer partake. I was just curious about disclosing it to help in the healing process.
Thanks everyone! Your insight has given me more to think about, answered my questions, and has helped me tremendously.
Peace.
Thanks everyone! Your insight has given me more to think about, answered my questions, and has helped me tremendously.
Peace.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by ChangeGonnaCome
Intention - yeppers - I've not experienced any difficulties in telling people "No, thanks" and making it clear I no longer partake.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
I don't find it necessary at all to tell anyone about my past addiction issues.
If I'm offered a drink, I say I don't drink.
If I'm offered some drugs, I say I don't do them. That's that...
I have found that people could really care less about the 'why' part of it.
As far as myself and anyone else around me is concerned I'm just me, and I don't drink or use drugs. Period.
If I'm offered a drink, I say I don't drink.
If I'm offered some drugs, I say I don't do them. That's that...
I have found that people could really care less about the 'why' part of it.
As far as myself and anyone else around me is concerned I'm just me, and I don't drink or use drugs. Period.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Change
I found it necessary to tell everyone...I wanted to make sure I had no 'bolt holes' left to run to if this sobriety thing got too hard.
That worked for me - looking back I also was a fairly conspicuous drunk, so there were very few who didn't know my 'secret' anyway.
As you can see there are adherents of both approaches here - you'll know whats right for you
D
I found it necessary to tell everyone...I wanted to make sure I had no 'bolt holes' left to run to if this sobriety thing got too hard.
That worked for me - looking back I also was a fairly conspicuous drunk, so there were very few who didn't know my 'secret' anyway.
As you can see there are adherents of both approaches here - you'll know whats right for you
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 113
After Anna's comment I felt the need to make something very, very clear. The ONLY reason I chose to tell my family is due to the fact that we are extremely close and I knew going into it that they would be supportive and loving in my recovery.
However, I would not take the risk of just throwing things out there to people I do not know extremely well and trust extremely well.
Just a clarification.
However, I would not take the risk of just throwing things out there to people I do not know extremely well and trust extremely well.
Just a clarification.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 33
I'm relatively new to recovery and doing it on my own as well. My best friend has been clean for 7 years and he gave me some perspective and it's been working for me. Tell who you want, it's nobody's business but yours. So other than my wife and a handful of close friends no one knows and I'm just not drinking. My family does not know and when asked to partake, I simply say "no thanks". I know casual friends and certainly drinking buddies have been talking because of my reputation as a heavy drinker, but I don't care. It's a very personal fight and only those people I know will support me 110% need to know.
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