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Eleven days and counting.

Old 10-31-2009, 09:29 PM
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Eleven days and counting.

(sorry for the length.)

Hello,

I just wanted to drop a quick note to introduce myself (somewhat) again. I was registered on these boards a couple of years ago but couldn’t remember the email address that I used at the time…

I guess to start; my D-Day (decision day) was on the 20th of October 2009. Up until that day I was a heavy drinker--everyday. I would consider myself a “performing” alcoholic.

Though I was always confident that I could beat this problem on my own I just couldn’t manage to stay on “the wagon” for more than a week before my problem crept up on me and put me right back to where I was … maybe even a little worse than I was before. I can’t remember how many times I’ve tried and failed to stop on my own.

My rational self, knowing that drinking was doing me physical harm, would troll the WEB looking for information on Alcoholism and the effects that it has on the body and mind. I learned what I could about the major life threatening issue that I could put myself through and I learned about the symptoms.

Something that I recall caught my attention, and my doctor reiterated the fact, was that my body would deal with the alcohol up to a point and then, maybe after one drink too many, something would just stop dealing with the alcohol all together.

Since I didn’t ever have any major physical symptoms of an alcohol problem I would still convince myself that I had time to get things sorted out myself. Days slowly turned into weeks, weeks to months, and months to years and I never seemed to make any progress, at least not positive progress.

Finally, after a fairly heavy weekend and a heavy Monday I “all of a sudden” developed internal bleeding somewhere in the upper GI area. I felt perfectly fine (at least as fine as the day before) but I knew from my WEB surfing what was going on. It finally dawned on me that I was really killing myself. It went from being something I read about on the Internet to something that was affecting me quite literally.

I’ve always resisted the idea of seeking medical assistance with my problem. I’m not sure exactly why that is but it seems to have to do with pride, embarrassment and denying that I actually had a problem—and not just a little fear of the DTs, something I kept at bay with drink.

To make a long story shorter, I decided that I had to go see my doctor and put everything on the table and ask for help. (not just for the physical problem, but also help getting off drinking permanently.) This wasn’t something I was prepared or comfortable doing in the past.

I was admitted to the hospital on the same day for a medical detox and tests to find out what was wrong on the inside. My attending doctor got me through the physical withdrawal symptom quite comfortably. I did have one slightly uncomfortable night; my blood pressure was up as was my heart rate and I drifted between feeling to hot and feeling to cold. I may not have even noticed it if my nurse hadn’t woken me up every couple of hours to take my vitals. All in all it was a very smooth process. The rest of my stay was uneventful and once my blood tests started coming back as stable I was discharged (after five days.)

So here I am eleven days later without touching a drop (though I have had some trigger moments when grocery shopping or driving by one of my usual watering holes, etc.) I’m currently talking to a therapist on a regular basis and once I get up the nerve I will most likely drop in on an AA meeting to help keep myself grounded and on track.

Something I do find useful is that I’ve made a printed copy of calendar months for the next couple of years and stapled them all together with my hospital wrist band right on the top. This stack of paper is waiting for me every morning at the center of my desk in my home office as a reminder…and it’s a great feeling to mark an ‘X’ on one more successful day of abstinence, it’s actually something I look forward to every morning.

Health wise everything is looking good and I should make a complete recovery though my liver enzymes are a bit elevated. I always thought “a little elevated” wasn’t so bad and all the while I was working on burning a hole in my stomach (that's where the bleeding started.)

I feel really good as well. It’s like someone opened a window and let in fresh air; I’m rediscovering old interests that the drink has stifled in the past and I really like not having to worry about the early afternoon shakes. I’ve even discovered how messy I’ve been and gave my apartment a good thorough cleaning (keeping busy helps a great deal).

I am afraid of going back to the way I was living and I hope that fear sticks with me for a very long time (like until I’m in my 90s)

I only wish I could convince my “drinking buddies”, who haven’t had the “Ta Da” moment, that they are on the same path. But I guess I can be there for them when they do...I only hope they get off as lucky as I did!

Anyhow, thanks for reading and letting me get that off my chest. I’m surprised at how much it helps.re you’ve all read similar stories more than once.

“See” you in the forums.

D

No going back
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Old 10-31-2009, 09:36 PM
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Welcome!!!

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
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Old 10-31-2009, 09:55 PM
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Hi! Welcome! You'll find lots of support here, so hang around!

Love,

Lenina who has 23 months tomorrow!
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Old 10-31-2009, 10:06 PM
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Welcome back djpb

I'm sorry it took that to bring about your aha moment, but I'm happy your life is getting better.

Do think about shoring up your recovery with whatever else you can think of - meetings therapy or whatever - fears a wonderful motivator in this respect, but I found it doesn't always last

D
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Old 10-31-2009, 10:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Welcome back djpb

I'm sorry it took that to bring about your aha moment, but I'm happy your life is getting better.

Do think about shoring up your recovery with whatever else you can think of - meetings therapy or whatever - fears a wonderful motivator in this respect, but I found it doesn't always last

D
I agree, I expect the fear factor to eventually decrease as a motivator so I'd better have something figured out before then for sure!
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Old 10-31-2009, 10:24 PM
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Welcome! Glad you are here. Lots of good people on SR.
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Old 10-31-2009, 10:31 PM
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Just another day...
 
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Hi djpb,
the fear factor does go away,at least for me..i had pancreatits 2 years ago and quit drinking for a few months after that. But of course I started feeling good and thought well once in awhile wont hurt..and here I am. It does hurt and my stomach is always bothering me. I could kill my pancreas and need insulin shots daily for the rest of my life...but the habit is hard to break...so for sure find some other motivators just in case. Good luck!
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Old 10-31-2009, 11:09 PM
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Old 10-31-2009, 11:18 PM
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Congrats on 11 days! I am a newcomer as well. Today is day 15 and so far so good. I definitely feel that reading the posts every day, especially by newcomers like you and me, has really helped me keep on track by reminding me of the consequences that bad choices will have. Welcome!!
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Old 11-01-2009, 01:43 AM
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Welcome (back) to SR. I'm a couple days behind you... and scared of those same things...

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Old 11-01-2009, 06:24 AM
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Welcome back to our recovery community
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Old 11-01-2009, 06:52 AM
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Welcome to SR! You are off to a great start!
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Old 11-01-2009, 07:36 AM
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Congrats on 11 days... On day 9 myself...
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Old 11-01-2009, 09:19 AM
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Thumbs up

Good Journey. Keep at it!

RR
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Old 11-01-2009, 10:07 AM
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Glad you're here...love the calendar idea! Great news about 11 days...hope to read more from you!
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Old 11-01-2009, 10:18 AM
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That was such an awesome share and thank you for taking the time to be open with us about it. You can do this and your calendar idea is wonderful. I am sure you are working on a recovery plan.

Welcome to the SR family.
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