Laurelcanyon

I currently am in a relationship with an a. When we first met this handsome , tall established man whisked me away. Everything my ex was not. I have three beautiful children. We took trips, he bought jewelry but then the jealous , angry drinking came out. I have been two times inthe emergency room which he says was an accident because when he was drunk he didn't realize what he did. Why I still was around after that???? He then would cry , apologize and tell me he needs me.
I am very athletic, close family all of which he really has no one. He wasarried two times and has 2 daughters but not close.
We can be great at dinner, then it will hit and one wrong thing I say he goes off. Mad that I had 3 kids with my ex, cusses me out and becomes mean and I become scared. The next day he cries and goes through the same apologetic cycle. So I began to detatch. But then I found not seeing him I erased the bad snd wanted him back in my life. The cussing started again. When drunk. Then he said he wants to marry me, be in my life and since I am not letting him he is the most miserable ever and drinks because of thst. I was to see him today. But last night he again cussed me out. He said he spent hours planning for me and will now drink all night. Said he sees couples and it's my fault he's alone. He is too unhealthy to be with, but I still lovehim and feelsorry for him. I need to wake up and detatch. I do feel I cause some pain but realize he has a sickness. My heart has a hard time ending it. He does want a good life and says he knows once I let him in he will be fine. I just can't take the chance and my kids see something bad. I'm not a drinker.
He says it's now not the alcahol. It's me. I'm a people pleaser so part is the problem, and I guess I thought I could help him. It hurts my heart to see hi mean texts and know he's at a bar drinking alone.
How is the best way to help the heart detatch from a loved one who will not get help? It truely is the hardest thing. Or better yet, I need to wake up and help myself I guess.

Dee74

Hi Laurel
welcome to SR.

The best advice I can give you is to check out AlAnon - it's a great face to face support for those who are affected by their loved ones drinking.

Here at SR, you can do no better than to check out our Family and Friends forum - you're not alone in what you're going through, believe me

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

Anna

Hi and Welcome!

I'm sorry for your situation.

Dee has given you great advice. You'll find lots of support here.

Laurelcanyon

Thank you for the kind suppotive words. I will check into learning alanon.

smacked

I would copy and paste your message into the thread on Friends and Family (the link Dee provided), they'll give you great support and guidance I'm sure

If he's abusive, stay away from him. Protect yourself, and most importantly your children.

Hevyn

You have my sympathy for what you're going through - such a complicated situation. It's hard when you want to believe in someone and they let you down. I'm glad you came here for some help - let us know how you're doing.

cmc

Welcome to SR.

I agree with Dee....Al-Anon is a great place for anyone who is affected by someone else's drinking; however my main concern for you is that you learn more about domestic violence.
We have some excellent resources about this topic in the Friends and Family forums....

I'm also going to suggest that you call your local womens' shelter and/or any other place near where you live and speak to someone about domestic violence.

Your life and the lives of your children just might depend on it; especially as long as you continue to have any contact with this man.

edit: Here is a link for victims of domestic violence in your area:
Texas Council on Family Violence service-directory-results

yeahgr8

Hope you find help in the family and friends section, i'm sure you will get some no-nonesense advice from some which you would be very wise to follow.

It is a sickness but this is not your problem and you cannot help him, you should get yourself to al anon, as suggested, and maybe get some professional counselling to get to the root of your sickness as to why you would want to stay with him!

Good luck:-)

least

Take care of you and your kids first. His welfare is his own concern, and he's displaying typical abusive traits you don't need in your life. For your own safety, and your kids, get out now. He will not become better without wanting to himself. YOu cannot control his actions, only your reactions. Please don't let yourself be a target anymore. Take care of you and your kids.

:ghug3

Laurelcanyon

Thank all for the helpful advice. I will go to my first alanon tomorrow. I look forward to it. Its sad. Today Hw was the nicest man ever. And keeps on saying he can be that way. That's what is hard. I will become stronger though and learn to set boundries . Yes me and my children are more important than hoping and putting myself at risk.