Bailey61

I quit drinking on Monday for 5 days. Even went to my first AA meeting on Wednesday and picked up my white chip. I was very uncomfortable at the meeting, and wanted to leave. It's my husbands group. Maybe I shouldn't go to the same place he goes. I know he wants me to though. Anyway, I did go and I got my white chip. But on Thursday he tells me he's going away on Saturday - and all I could think of was yeah!! I can drink. So when he left on Saturday I went to the liquor store and bought 2 bottles of wine. And drank until I was physically sick to my stomache. I was so disgusted I shot the rest of the glass of wine down the sink and went to bed. But today, once I was feeling better I finished off the rest of the wine and was pissed at myself for shooting out that glass of wine last night.

The thing I feel really bad about was my daughter was supposed to come over for a visit Saturday with my grandkids. I called her and told her a lie that we had made other plans. She was disappointed. I could tell from her voice.But all I wanted to do was drink.

Anyway, I'm sitting here drinking coke now and feeling really bad. I was really proud of myself for those 5 days without wine. It was hard, but each morning I woke up and thanked God that I hadn't drank.

hendershot

Congrats on being on here and sharing about it. It is cool your husband is in recovery, that should mean a lot in terms of the kinds of support he can give you. Kind of cliche but "keep coming back." Hickups happen, especially early, but it is best to learn from them and move on. It is time to evaluate how much you really want sobriety and what you are willing to do for it. Reflect, pray, and keep going to meetings and talk about it. Good luck.

Dee74

If you never give up, you can never lose Bailey.

If sobrietys what you want then you have to chase it and work for it though - you don't need me telling you there were a million other things you could have done besides going to the liquor store.

Don't beat yourself up - but do learn from this, Bailey.
It's good to see you back so soon tho - well done

D

Hevyn

Hi Bailey. Been there, done that, hundreds of times. Drinking will suck the life out of us. I didn't care about anything else in the end - lost friends, family, the respect of everyone I cared about. No one trusted me or knew what to make of my behavior, & I still suffer from the results of my insanity all those years. For everyone else, life was happening, and they were participating - not me. I was in my little bubble.

You don't have to waste another day, though - you have the desire and the will to banish this poison from your life forever. Keep going, & be proud of yourself for seeing the light.

tommyk

"I called her and told her a lie that we had made other plans."

Hold that thought when you think about drinking again.

Keep coming back.

thirtybubba

Bailey, you should be proud of those 5 days. And now, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go for 6. Or 7. Or however many.

Since I've been on SR, I've messed up, what 3 times I think. Each time I felt bad, which turned out to be good, because it motivated me to get back on track with this sobriety. And both times I made it long-ish (11, 9 days) I got to a point where it got easier. Go get more days, ma'am...

Also, if you feel so uncomfortable at your husband's group, maybe you could go to his with him (if you want to), and another alone on another day?

BKP

AA gets easier it is a new start and with new starts comes doubts, failures, promises, and commitments. Trust me I hated AA the first time and the second time. ....now I almost have 8 months and I am pleased to attend AA and this chat board, nothing can get me more grounded and back to soberity than you, and others like you/me.

auxilio

I understand Bailey. I used to hide, lie and love to be myself so I could drink without the shame.

I screwed up this weekend too. Went on a four day binge.

All I have is today. I'm tired of the insanity and want serenity.

least

Start over, start all over again. Don't give in to any excuses to drink. Take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time if you have to. Sobriety is so much worth the effort.:ghug3

Wolfchild

What can you learn from this episode of drinking?
What were you doing that helped you to stay sober?
What were you doing that didn't help you to stay sober?

i ask these questions to help you to become aware of yourself.
The decisions we make often guide our lives, for better or for worse.
If you don't like the results of your decision, try doing something different.

i hope you will become willing to begin a process of recovery
and let those who are sober & clean help you in your journey.

Anna

Bailey,

Alcohol robs us of everything, including our self-respect.

There is lots of support here. We do understand how hard it is to get sober and to recover, but we're here to help.