I am a bit nervous to post on here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 4
I am a bit nervous to post on here
I know I am an alcoholic. I drink every night. Every night that I drink, I black out and I tell myself that tomorrow will be different. It never is. If we have something planned for the evening then I engineer ways to have a drink. My partner knows I have a problem and that I am trying to control my drinking and she is incredibly supportive. I feel like complete **** when she thinks I am doing well by only drinking 2 pints in an evening. What she doesn't know is that somehow or somewhere along the way I've necked a load of shots or wine in between getting my own drinks from the bar or kitchen depending on where we are. I am so deceitful and I feel like crap for being a liar and weak.
I have to get a grip on my drinking. The problem is that I feel totally lost with where to start. I have chickened out of going to AA meetings in the past couple of months, lying to myself by thinking that I can sort things out on my own. But truth betold I can not. I need help.
I have been reading some of the posts on this website and I have found them quite inspiring. But so many say about how they have been 20, 30, 50, 100 + days sober and to me that sounds so, so, so good. But I am in a dark place at the moment where 2 or 3 days sober seems impossible.
I AM an alcoholic. I AM an alcoholic. I AM an alcoholic. And I want to stop drinking. I want to get help. I need to get help. I want to get sober more than anything. Does anyone have any advice for someone who is at the bottom of the bottom?
I often ask myself "what good comes from drinking?"... I can think of lots of negatives. I can not think of one positive. Yet here I am still drinking.
I have to get a grip on my drinking. The problem is that I feel totally lost with where to start. I have chickened out of going to AA meetings in the past couple of months, lying to myself by thinking that I can sort things out on my own. But truth betold I can not. I need help.
I have been reading some of the posts on this website and I have found them quite inspiring. But so many say about how they have been 20, 30, 50, 100 + days sober and to me that sounds so, so, so good. But I am in a dark place at the moment where 2 or 3 days sober seems impossible.
I AM an alcoholic. I AM an alcoholic. I AM an alcoholic. And I want to stop drinking. I want to get help. I need to get help. I want to get sober more than anything. Does anyone have any advice for someone who is at the bottom of the bottom?
I often ask myself "what good comes from drinking?"... I can think of lots of negatives. I can not think of one positive. Yet here I am still drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: up north
Posts: 102
Welcome lennon24!
You have come to a wonderful place. Being a newbie myself (and only on day 5 of my own sobriety) I won't offer any sage advice, just the fact that there are a LOT of people here who can.
Like you I drank every day, till I blacked out. I had tried to quit countless times only to find my resolve crumbling later that day....5 days is the longest I have been sober in a LONG time, and although I haven't joined AA (yet--I know I need to) the people here (and especially in the August sobriety thread) have helped me immensely. Their support, encouragement, experience, strength and hope have kept me going. Even when it gets really tough, I know that there are countless others here who are going through or have gone through exactly the same thing.
You have come to a wonderful place. Being a newbie myself (and only on day 5 of my own sobriety) I won't offer any sage advice, just the fact that there are a LOT of people here who can.
Like you I drank every day, till I blacked out. I had tried to quit countless times only to find my resolve crumbling later that day....5 days is the longest I have been sober in a LONG time, and although I haven't joined AA (yet--I know I need to) the people here (and especially in the August sobriety thread) have helped me immensely. Their support, encouragement, experience, strength and hope have kept me going. Even when it gets really tough, I know that there are countless others here who are going through or have gone through exactly the same thing.
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Welcome to SR, this is truly a wonderful place to share recovery.
Lennon, I do understand what you are feeling, the powerlessness over the alcohol. I too suffered blackouts and lied constantly. My bottom was almost death, I had been found by my daughter and rushed to the Emergency Room. So yes I do understand the darkness and the bottom of the bottom.
But there really is a better way, you mentioned AA, I attend AA meetings. It was very hard to walk into the first one but immediately I was welcomed with open arms and I must say it was the first time I could breathe a sigh of relief, I was home, I was right where I belonged. They were the only ones who understood what I was feeling and helped me through it all, because they themselves had also been right where I was. I am coming up on 11 months sober and it is really unbelieveable, I never thought it could or would happen, but it has. If you are truly ready to stop drinking then it can work for you too. Keep posting and make a committment to attend an AA meeting today, you CAN DO IT.
Lennon, I do understand what you are feeling, the powerlessness over the alcohol. I too suffered blackouts and lied constantly. My bottom was almost death, I had been found by my daughter and rushed to the Emergency Room. So yes I do understand the darkness and the bottom of the bottom.
But there really is a better way, you mentioned AA, I attend AA meetings. It was very hard to walk into the first one but immediately I was welcomed with open arms and I must say it was the first time I could breathe a sigh of relief, I was home, I was right where I belonged. They were the only ones who understood what I was feeling and helped me through it all, because they themselves had also been right where I was. I am coming up on 11 months sober and it is really unbelieveable, I never thought it could or would happen, but it has. If you are truly ready to stop drinking then it can work for you too. Keep posting and make a committment to attend an AA meeting today, you CAN DO IT.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
well here a great place to start.
firstly can you get to a doctor and explain your drinking and his/her advice on stopping?
stopping abruptly can and does has medical complications with some serious withdrawals symtoms.
have you been any length without drinking?.....did you have any withdrawals?
apart from not sleeping.
you can also phone the aa help line who will be happy to support you to get to your first meeting.
once in the fellowship you can ask a member to sponor you and explain what the program of recovery entails.
if i can be of any help please feel free to pm me.
im a alcoholic that that has found peace without the need to drink.
firstly can you get to a doctor and explain your drinking and his/her advice on stopping?
stopping abruptly can and does has medical complications with some serious withdrawals symtoms.
have you been any length without drinking?.....did you have any withdrawals?
apart from not sleeping.
you can also phone the aa help line who will be happy to support you to get to your first meeting.
once in the fellowship you can ask a member to sponor you and explain what the program of recovery entails.
if i can be of any help please feel free to pm me.
im a alcoholic that that has found peace without the need to drink.
Hey, this is a first step in your journey to sobriety! Congratulations. Stick around. I'm pulling for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 4
sphalerite - thank you for your post. As the first to reply to my post it was the first time I'd ever felt any connection with anyone about my drinking. I've always felt so alone you don't know how good it felt to read your direct reply to me and it made me feel that I'm not alone. Thank you.
Believe808 - thank you for your advice on the AA meetiings. I feel like you talked about, feeling it really hard to walk through the door for the first time. It helps to read others feel like that as well.
Trucker - thank you for your reply as well. I have been 8 consecutive days without drinking within the last year and the withdrawals I suffered were sleeplessness, waking up sweating when I did manage to sleep and also I had really vivid dreams.
Thank you for your thought people.
Lennon
Believe808 - thank you for your advice on the AA meetiings. I feel like you talked about, feeling it really hard to walk through the door for the first time. It helps to read others feel like that as well.
Trucker - thank you for your reply as well. I have been 8 consecutive days without drinking within the last year and the withdrawals I suffered were sleeplessness, waking up sweating when I did manage to sleep and also I had really vivid dreams.
Thank you for your thought people.
Lennon
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I agree with seeing your doctor about wanting to quit drinking. Medical supervision during withdrawal is a good safe idea. As to AA... I go to meetings, tho not as often as I used to. I do have a sponsor and she is helping me work the steps. AA is also helpful in having a whole room full of people who understand where you are cause they've been there too.
Stopping drinking is simple - not easy, but simple. Don't drink today. Just don't drink one day at a time. It can be done but you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.
Welcome to SR!
Stopping drinking is simple - not easy, but simple. Don't drink today. Just don't drink one day at a time. It can be done but you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
lennon, you can do it. I checked myself into a women's treatment center which by the way, they are out there. You can find a place where you won't be spending $20,000+ to go. I was there for 10 months and paid only what I could and I bet it was barely over $1000. I'm not kidding you.
When I got there I didn't know how I was going to do it. I knew I'd be safe in the walls of the TC however I've been out a year and I celebrate my two year anniversary in October.
Back then I had no idea either. I didn't think I could live without it, how I was going to function with out it or what I was going to do if I had a bad day, week or months. How about several bad months in a while? Which I've been through lately and I'm still sober.
I hope if anything you'll go to a meeting and find a sponsor. Work the 12 Steps. They are absolutely essential to me in staying sober. You'll be amazed that you'll still be that same old you but sober and be managing your life all at the same time. You can do it. If I can, I know anybody can.
Welcome to SR!!! This place is GREAT!!!!
When I got there I didn't know how I was going to do it. I knew I'd be safe in the walls of the TC however I've been out a year and I celebrate my two year anniversary in October.
Back then I had no idea either. I didn't think I could live without it, how I was going to function with out it or what I was going to do if I had a bad day, week or months. How about several bad months in a while? Which I've been through lately and I'm still sober.
I hope if anything you'll go to a meeting and find a sponsor. Work the 12 Steps. They are absolutely essential to me in staying sober. You'll be amazed that you'll still be that same old you but sober and be managing your life all at the same time. You can do it. If I can, I know anybody can.
Welcome to SR!!! This place is GREAT!!!!
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,845
Welcome Lennon!
I was right where you are less than two months ago.
If I can do this, ANYONE can do it!
It seems almost impossible at first, but if you remain true to your sober self, things will get better a little more each day.
I was right where you are less than two months ago.
If I can do this, ANYONE can do it!
It seems almost impossible at first, but if you remain true to your sober self, things will get better a little more each day.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Lennon. After over 25 yrs. of heavy drinking, I finally found the strength to give it up after reading on here for about 5 mos. I would cry and nod my head to the posts (sipping my beer still) and I knew what I had to do. I had a few false starts, but never lost sight of the fact that I had to quit all together or I would die.
Like you, I was so relieved when I didn't feel alone anymore. I had no one in my life to discuss it with - everyone was a social drinker, most very judgmental. (Just say "no" & all that). On SR I found not just a few, but hundreds of people who had walked the same road that I had. They made it out and actually seemed happy about it! At first, I found the smilies and cheery slogans so annoying - like, what was there to be so happy about? I was losing my friend - the thing that had comforted me throughout my whole life. I read every day on here until I was ready to dump it down the drain. You can do this and we'll be here to help. Congratulations on your decision.
Like you, I was so relieved when I didn't feel alone anymore. I had no one in my life to discuss it with - everyone was a social drinker, most very judgmental. (Just say "no" & all that). On SR I found not just a few, but hundreds of people who had walked the same road that I had. They made it out and actually seemed happy about it! At first, I found the smilies and cheery slogans so annoying - like, what was there to be so happy about? I was losing my friend - the thing that had comforted me throughout my whole life. I read every day on here until I was ready to dump it down the drain. You can do this and we'll be here to help. Congratulations on your decision.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hi Lennon:-)
Love Hevyn's post to you!
AA, well the first one i went...i stared at the table and ran out after lol
A couple later i started following a good AA friends advice and that is to stick for 5 mins after the meeting and to get there 10 mins early and hang around outside the front to catch all the smokers...well it worked, i ended up having lots of members introduce themselves to me and give me numbers to call in case i needed. By the 4th meeting i was on first name terms with half the room and was already enquiring on how to get a sponsor.
Please understand that i was like a 10 yr old at a mixed party trying to build up the courage to ask the pretty girl to dance but it didn't kill me and they are a friendly bunch. Tell you what i am sooooooo glad i did go and now am loving it!!!!!
Love Hevyn's post to you!
AA, well the first one i went...i stared at the table and ran out after lol
A couple later i started following a good AA friends advice and that is to stick for 5 mins after the meeting and to get there 10 mins early and hang around outside the front to catch all the smokers...well it worked, i ended up having lots of members introduce themselves to me and give me numbers to call in case i needed. By the 4th meeting i was on first name terms with half the room and was already enquiring on how to get a sponsor.
Please understand that i was like a 10 yr old at a mixed party trying to build up the courage to ask the pretty girl to dance but it didn't kill me and they are a friendly bunch. Tell you what i am sooooooo glad i did go and now am loving it!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 4
Thank you least, vegibean, FormerBeerLover, Hevyn and yeahgr8 for all of your advice. I am going to book an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow and get started on sorting my problem out.
Thank you all for your inspiration.
Lennon
xoxox
Thank you all for your inspiration.
Lennon
xoxox
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