Hevyn

Hi Mle. I wonder if maybe it's a bit of "What difference does it make?" thinking. As in, you tried very hard to hold on to your relationship and the life you had, and things deteriorated in spite of your best efforts. Sometimes I do that - start thinking what's the point of staying sober, everything went to hell anyway. Of course, we know that's ridiculous and not logical. We know that when we think longingly of the calming effects a few drinks would have, we're only remembering the good times we once had with it, not the horrific chaos that ensued. Of course drinking thoughts would cross your mind at a time like this - it's to be expected. I'm glad you came here to talk about it & hopefully banish those thoughts. Your posts always help me to do some soul-searching. Sending love & hope out west to you.

gravity

A couple of thoughts I want to share with you:

In my 19 months of sobriety, I have heard many people with years & decades of sobriety say that the first couple of years were tough in terms of highs & lows. It takes some time for that new way of thinking & living to take hold on a continuous basis. While I'm not happy to hear this (I want immediate serenity dammit! ) it gives me great hope, knowing that it does get much better. And it teaches me to be patient with my recovery. But we gotta get through those tough days.

Also, a couple of weeks ago I hit a kind of emotional bottom. The world & my life looked grey & dark. I got out of this by going back to what works. Meetings, coffee with a few oldtimers, a few phone calls & lunch with my sponsor, and back to practicing steps 10 & 11 every day. Believe me, I didn't want to do this (I just wanted to be left alone in my misery) but I forced myself. The change wasn't immediate but I did eventually get back to my normal, kinda-happy self.

So believe that you can get through this and that it does get better.

ANEWAUGUST

Mle...

I know how you feel.

I did plan my relapse. Convinced myself that after 5 1/2 years I could drink one or two.

I had alot of stressful events occur, though, not a divorce.

It didn't change anything...in fact, it made is worse.

Play the tape all the way thru as Anvil said....think of your nephew and what he is going thru. Remember the h*ll of detox, regret, remorse and the guilt that drinking brought into our lives.

Hang tough...you will come out the otherside of this much stronger.

Relapse is not an option.
Drinking is not an option.

krylonB

Hi mle, and to all those who posted such kind and helpful words here.
As all have said, you know in your heart that taking a drink will only up the floodgates to Hell.
The “Voice” is very baffling and cunning indeed; that is always what triggers a relapse for me and I have been playing around with ideas on how to shut it up. Lately my mental move is to visualize my self as the judge in a court of law. I am trying a case against Mr Voice who is on trial for perjury, maliscious lies, and contributing to the delinquency of an alcoholic. I find him GUILTY as charged, and sentence him to having his toungue amputated, and undergoing a frontal lobotomy, after which he gets “life” on a remote moon of pluto. I slam the gavel, and instruct the bailiff to take this miserable, disgusting liar to the rubber room.
Case closed!
Don’t even let the Voice begin to utter a single word of “advice” to you.
Blessings and Good Luck.
kB

CarolD

Praying always helps me immensley

I also make sure I stay AA connected
for emotional balance.

My recovery depends on action
how about yours?

shaun00

Ive missed your regular input on s.r.........mle.

Ive enjoyed and benefited from your support and no nonsense insight over the short time Ive been bumming around at s.r....lol.

sadly ..recently Ive seen a few return to drinking........romanced into the idea that they can somehow try it all over again....that it will fix this or that.

and are back to shame.. guilt and dry retching before you can blink...
how would mle reply to her post?

i know for sure...........stop b.s yourself and read the last few sentences of the post....you have the answer...its what your NOT doing.

come here more often mle...........if you can.

Shaun.

OceanBound

mle, I've planned my relapse. I'm living thru it now. My problems are still here but now I have more, like a bad headache, upset stomach and the general feeling of worthlessness. Please don't do it!


OB

Tazman53

mle I know that all I can do is pray that you stay connected well enough with your HP to maintain your sanity, to get a hold of your sponsor or anyone else in your network, that you get to a meeting and help another alcoholic by sharing what you are going through right now.

Reading this thread and what you have posted has strengthened me, you have helped me and others by sharing this.

OZboy

what a load of rubbis"
i don'T..................................agree!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OZboy

..many members are on this site because they have/or still,drink or take
drugs..
..like me,we wish and pray that this was'nt ..the case..
however..we'll keep trying..
..i don't need to be bashed over the 'head' about it..lol. Oz..

Dee74

Well, I don't think anyones being bashed over the head Oz.
We all want to stop drinking.

It's a good thing to aim for, right?

I also don't think this thread should be derailed - how about you start one mate - tell us what you're up to?

D