First week, emotions, help?
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
First week, emotions, help?
Alright, I'm new at this posting stuff (ever), so I apologize for anything wrong. I read the stickys, so any mistake is on me.
Anyways, I'm a 29-year-old female. I stopped drinking (again) last Thursday, so the 30th, after slowing down for a few days, per doctor. Previously I'd drink between a fifth or two, mostly depending on proof, daily for about the last four years (minus 2 months last year, yay!), and a little bit less than that before.
Last year, I got that "wake up call," which in my case meant somebody pointed out that I drink too much. It had honestly never occurred to me. Coming up, everybody around me drank heavily, and since moving to this state, there has basically been nobody around me, so I had nobody to compare myself to.
I tried to stop, and managed somehow to pull it off for two months, when the death of my pet just shot me over the edge, and within twenty four hours I had a fifth and a half of overproof in my blood. I got one more detox, courtesy the local sheriff, got drunk before I got sober and didn't even look back for months.
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and now I want to be sober. Never thought twice about liquor all those years, and now the bottle looks like my own killer--which it may well be. I have tried to quit repeatedly, learning the hard way about dt's and the seizures, which had me stumbling to the neighbor's because I couldn't push the buttons on my phone to call the paramedics. Yup, I know I'm lucky to be alive. No, I'm just not smart enough to stay away from the bottle. It's got me, and I don't know why.
Either way, I'm trying hard, and I said all that I guess just to say it, 'cause I haven't really said it to anyone before.
But I guess the point of this getting-long post is emotions. I never was good at them, and now I'm getting a whole lot all over the place. Mostly between sadness and frustration and anger. A little laughter on the phone. But my days are mostly just sadness.
I don't know anybody here--actually, I do, they just don't associate with me at all--and I have nobody to talk to when I need to talk. Sometimes I call back home, but I've been gone for a while and they don't really understand why I don't just go back. Sometimes I don't either, but I wanted to get out of poverty and went to college. Now I'm paying the price, now that I live in the dorms where I'm the outsider, who dint lern her manners. How was I supposed to know? And I just keep getting double-teamed. I've been afraid to say anything, because I really don't feel like I belong, but that's been helped by the alcohol. I just nod and come into my room and play on the computer. Last night they double-teamed me again, this time asking me if I minded so much if they watched tv instead.
I was actually really tired, since I pretty much sleep like a baby (the real kind, not the expression) and was going to bed anyways, but I told them "sure, as long as I can ask the same thing another day." Lord, that was a bad idea. I know I shouldn't feel compelled to keep my mouth shut (I never did before, as a child or a younger woman, just since college), but it seems whatever I say, I'm wrong and all of California is here to tell me why. So I'm just holding my breath till I leave next year.
Anyways, even after the argument, which they won by merely pointing out that I must have started it because there's two of them to back each other up (!), I just went into my room, and sat down and cried and poked around on the internet till I found this site. Slept, went to class, came home, got glared at by a roommate and found myself back in the same situation of coming in here and crying about it. Which is odd because normally I'm an aggressive person.
That's the background. What I would really like to know now that I'm h-bent on at least three months sobriety (I have a goal!), and I'm willing to listen to people (maybe less willing to do what they say, but I promise I'll listen and evaluate), is *how long does this emotional stuff last?* I guess first I should ask, is this normal?, but I've read enough posts to figure at least one of y'all has been through every single thing, so it can't be that unusual. And, if anybody knows, is it just the physical lack of alcohol, or is it deeper than that?
And does anybody have any suggestions for how to deal with roommates who "are" better than you? I don't know if I can ask that here.
Thank y'all, and I feel better (?) after typing this out. Wow. Weird.
Sorry it's long. Brain's pretty wobbly.
Anyways, I'm a 29-year-old female. I stopped drinking (again) last Thursday, so the 30th, after slowing down for a few days, per doctor. Previously I'd drink between a fifth or two, mostly depending on proof, daily for about the last four years (minus 2 months last year, yay!), and a little bit less than that before.
Last year, I got that "wake up call," which in my case meant somebody pointed out that I drink too much. It had honestly never occurred to me. Coming up, everybody around me drank heavily, and since moving to this state, there has basically been nobody around me, so I had nobody to compare myself to.
I tried to stop, and managed somehow to pull it off for two months, when the death of my pet just shot me over the edge, and within twenty four hours I had a fifth and a half of overproof in my blood. I got one more detox, courtesy the local sheriff, got drunk before I got sober and didn't even look back for months.
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and now I want to be sober. Never thought twice about liquor all those years, and now the bottle looks like my own killer--which it may well be. I have tried to quit repeatedly, learning the hard way about dt's and the seizures, which had me stumbling to the neighbor's because I couldn't push the buttons on my phone to call the paramedics. Yup, I know I'm lucky to be alive. No, I'm just not smart enough to stay away from the bottle. It's got me, and I don't know why.
Either way, I'm trying hard, and I said all that I guess just to say it, 'cause I haven't really said it to anyone before.
But I guess the point of this getting-long post is emotions. I never was good at them, and now I'm getting a whole lot all over the place. Mostly between sadness and frustration and anger. A little laughter on the phone. But my days are mostly just sadness.
I don't know anybody here--actually, I do, they just don't associate with me at all--and I have nobody to talk to when I need to talk. Sometimes I call back home, but I've been gone for a while and they don't really understand why I don't just go back. Sometimes I don't either, but I wanted to get out of poverty and went to college. Now I'm paying the price, now that I live in the dorms where I'm the outsider, who dint lern her manners. How was I supposed to know? And I just keep getting double-teamed. I've been afraid to say anything, because I really don't feel like I belong, but that's been helped by the alcohol. I just nod and come into my room and play on the computer. Last night they double-teamed me again, this time asking me if I minded so much if they watched tv instead.
I was actually really tired, since I pretty much sleep like a baby (the real kind, not the expression) and was going to bed anyways, but I told them "sure, as long as I can ask the same thing another day." Lord, that was a bad idea. I know I shouldn't feel compelled to keep my mouth shut (I never did before, as a child or a younger woman, just since college), but it seems whatever I say, I'm wrong and all of California is here to tell me why. So I'm just holding my breath till I leave next year.
Anyways, even after the argument, which they won by merely pointing out that I must have started it because there's two of them to back each other up (!), I just went into my room, and sat down and cried and poked around on the internet till I found this site. Slept, went to class, came home, got glared at by a roommate and found myself back in the same situation of coming in here and crying about it. Which is odd because normally I'm an aggressive person.
That's the background. What I would really like to know now that I'm h-bent on at least three months sobriety (I have a goal!), and I'm willing to listen to people (maybe less willing to do what they say, but I promise I'll listen and evaluate), is *how long does this emotional stuff last?* I guess first I should ask, is this normal?, but I've read enough posts to figure at least one of y'all has been through every single thing, so it can't be that unusual. And, if anybody knows, is it just the physical lack of alcohol, or is it deeper than that?
And does anybody have any suggestions for how to deal with roommates who "are" better than you? I don't know if I can ask that here.
Thank y'all, and I feel better (?) after typing this out. Wow. Weird.
Sorry it's long. Brain's pretty wobbly.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
I relate to a lot of what you wrote and so will many others. By the way, no matter how you look at it, no one is better than anyone. You're sick right now.
Emotional? Good Lord, when I stopped drinking I think I cried for two weeks straight. All that time I drank I thought "wow, look at what a strong person I am dealing with what I deal with." I wasn't dealing, I was numbing.
It takes a lot of work but if you are willing to do the work, accept and take suggestions, I have found for myself, that has helped me succeed in sobriety. I've followed those before me, got a sponsor, worked the steps (I think are the most important to the program) and cheerleaded the hell out of myself.....everyday, one day at a time.
Glad you found this site. Excellent place with lot's of information, support and experience.
Emotional? Good Lord, when I stopped drinking I think I cried for two weeks straight. All that time I drank I thought "wow, look at what a strong person I am dealing with what I deal with." I wasn't dealing, I was numbing.
It takes a lot of work but if you are willing to do the work, accept and take suggestions, I have found for myself, that has helped me succeed in sobriety. I've followed those before me, got a sponsor, worked the steps (I think are the most important to the program) and cheerleaded the hell out of myself.....everyday, one day at a time.
Glad you found this site. Excellent place with lot's of information, support and experience.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
hi thirtybubba
Early recovery is a time of emotion yeah. If you're anything like me you spent years avoiding emotions by drinking...
sad...drink...happy...drink...angry...drink....bor ed...drink
getting those feelings back can be a little rough - and they can seem all out of proportion.
Things do settle down tho - and it's nothing to the things we're trying to leave behind.
I've never lived in a dorm so I'm not sure what to suggest there. At least here you're always find a friendly face or two.
welcome to SR
D
Early recovery is a time of emotion yeah. If you're anything like me you spent years avoiding emotions by drinking...
sad...drink...happy...drink...angry...drink....bor ed...drink
getting those feelings back can be a little rough - and they can seem all out of proportion.
Things do settle down tho - and it's nothing to the things we're trying to leave behind.
I've never lived in a dorm so I'm not sure what to suggest there. At least here you're always find a friendly face or two.
welcome to SR
D
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Welcome ThirtyBubba. 
Are there any AA people in your area? Not suggesting you go to meetings yet, but at least meet some sober people for activities, coffee, etc.
Drinking supresses emotions... when you remove the drinking it becomes difficult to deal with the emotions, very normal.
Keep coming back.
Are there any AA people in your area? Not suggesting you go to meetings yet, but at least meet some sober people for activities, coffee, etc.
Drinking supresses emotions... when you remove the drinking it becomes difficult to deal with the emotions, very normal.
Keep coming back.
vicariousrising
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 35
Awwww. I wish I could give you a hug. And I'm not a higher and I suck completely at emotions even at 4 years sober. But it does get tons better.
My recommendation is to stick around here (I just found the site myself last week and think it's pretty great, especially for new people). And you should look for AA meetings near you. You need real people to talk to, people who know where you are coming from. Not everybody in every AA room will be your cup of tea, but most of the people there are there to get well and some of them will have a story much like yours. Knowing you aren't alone, that you don't have to be alone through this was the biggest revation for me in the early days of my recovery.
Lots of good wishes to you.
My recommendation is to stick around here (I just found the site myself last week and think it's pretty great, especially for new people). And you should look for AA meetings near you. You need real people to talk to, people who know where you are coming from. Not everybody in every AA room will be your cup of tea, but most of the people there are there to get well and some of them will have a story much like yours. Knowing you aren't alone, that you don't have to be alone through this was the biggest revation for me in the early days of my recovery.
Lots of good wishes to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Hi and Welcome,
Yes, early sobriety can be a very difficult time emotionally. For me, I had to figure out how to live my life, without hiding from my feelings, and it wasn't easy. There is no set time when this will work out for you, and I think it's just a case of dealing with what comes along and learning by each experience.
Focus on yourself and your recovery!
Yes, early sobriety can be a very difficult time emotionally. For me, I had to figure out how to live my life, without hiding from my feelings, and it wasn't easy. There is no set time when this will work out for you, and I think it's just a case of dealing with what comes along and learning by each experience.
Focus on yourself and your recovery!
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Thank y'all. I really appreciate your words/ advice. It still surprises me other people go through similar things to me.
And yeah, I'ma go to the meeting, but it's all the way to Thurs, and worse, I went last week and the building was locked. There's another one, but it's like two hours away, but, h-, I got nothing to lose. That one I think is Sunday. As long as it's not too sunny. Still hate the sunshine.
And yeah, I'ma go to the meeting, but it's all the way to Thurs, and worse, I went last week and the building was locked. There's another one, but it's like two hours away, but, h-, I got nothing to lose. That one I think is Sunday. As long as it's not too sunny. Still hate the sunshine.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 248
Thirtybubba,
I am within my first two weeks (this time) and my crying comes on at the littlest thing. It is getting better this week than last but I had an emotional moment today. I read it gets better and you have made the right choice in quitting. I am sure you will have a very bright future and you are still young enough to enjoy your whole life!! The dorm thing is only temporary even though it seems like it will be forever. Just stay strong around your roomie(s) and don't let them bully you. Certainly don't give them the power to cause you to pick up a drink. Sounds like they are so not worth it....Noone is worth losing sobriety over.
I am within my first two weeks (this time) and my crying comes on at the littlest thing. It is getting better this week than last but I had an emotional moment today. I read it gets better and you have made the right choice in quitting. I am sure you will have a very bright future and you are still young enough to enjoy your whole life!! The dorm thing is only temporary even though it seems like it will be forever. Just stay strong around your roomie(s) and don't let them bully you. Certainly don't give them the power to cause you to pick up a drink. Sounds like they are so not worth it....Noone is worth losing sobriety over.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Wanttolive -
I know it's temporary, it's just that it's new too... been on my own since 14, in the dorm since spring. But you're right, they ain't worth picking up a bottle for.
Everybody in this forum -
I did it! Four whole days! And usually that's when the withdrawals get to me and I figure it's easier to just go back than forward, only this time I'm for some reason happy. I feel all springy or something, and I bounced into town to get a mp3 player with that whiskey money so as I might like walking better, give me something else to do.
And thank you all! I mighta made it four days, but I never woulda made it four days and *happy* without all y'all's support and being there and suggesting stuff, which has kept me occupied when I'm not loitering in here.
Hey, I might just make it this way...
I know it's temporary, it's just that it's new too... been on my own since 14, in the dorm since spring. But you're right, they ain't worth picking up a bottle for.
Everybody in this forum -
I did it! Four whole days! And usually that's when the withdrawals get to me and I figure it's easier to just go back than forward, only this time I'm for some reason happy. I feel all springy or something, and I bounced into town to get a mp3 player with that whiskey money so as I might like walking better, give me something else to do.
And thank you all! I mighta made it four days, but I never woulda made it four days and *happy* without all y'all's support and being there and suggesting stuff, which has kept me occupied when I'm not loitering in here.
Hey, I might just make it this way...
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi thirtybubba - I'm just reading your first post now. I'm so glad you realized that you were sabotaging yourself and decided to lay it down. Be patient with yourself in the beginning, since your feelings will be all over the place - as you've already discovered.
I had to learn to live again without my "comforter", my buffer against the world. I don't know why I thought I needed it - and I certainly made things more complicated and turned my life into chaos by falling back on it constantly throughout my life. As Dee said, no matter the occasion or emotion - smothering it with alcohol sounded like a good idea at the time. It turns on us bigtime - some of us never make it out. I'm so happy you are on your way to getting well.
I had to learn to live again without my "comforter", my buffer against the world. I don't know why I thought I needed it - and I certainly made things more complicated and turned my life into chaos by falling back on it constantly throughout my life. As Dee said, no matter the occasion or emotion - smothering it with alcohol sounded like a good idea at the time. It turns on us bigtime - some of us never make it out. I'm so happy you are on your way to getting well.
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