New and need desperate help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1
New and need desperate help
I am 27 and have been down a long road. I don't know why I can't do it. I want to. I need to but I keep on doing it. I keep on killing my family and relatuinshup slowly. I asked my S.O. today why he is still with me. I want to stop but I can't. I stop and then I start again knowing I have a serious problem. What can I do to train my mind to realize alcohol s not whats best for me. :sorry
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 38
Hello, I'm new here myself but wanted to say that I am finding that I cannot quit drinking on my own or stay stopped for any length of time. I am still trying to find something that will work for me as far as recovery is concerned. I know how you feel. Glad you are here. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
There is no need to apologize. And no need to feel ashamed either. You're among friends here who understand what you're going through. Please keep coming back to post threads and reply to other threads. It's good that you're here to be with us. Welcome.
As far as training your brain goes...I suspect that's really just a rhetorical question. But to address it directly...you can't. You have to learn how to live with sobriety. It's tough, I know it's tough. We all do who come here regularly. Some of us who think we got this thing under control lose it all in a moment. Some of us who lose it all have been sober for months or even years. It happens. We just have to get up, dust off and then keep on going. We're all here at SR to help each other out with that. That goes for you too Cornflakegirl.
So keep comin' around and asking for advice and support. You'll find it helps quite a bit just knowing there are others who are experiencing the same things you are experiencing. Make sure you read the stickies at the top of the forums. They have lots of good information.
As far as training your brain goes...I suspect that's really just a rhetorical question. But to address it directly...you can't. You have to learn how to live with sobriety. It's tough, I know it's tough. We all do who come here regularly. Some of us who think we got this thing under control lose it all in a moment. Some of us who lose it all have been sober for months or even years. It happens. We just have to get up, dust off and then keep on going. We're all here at SR to help each other out with that. That goes for you too Cornflakegirl.
So keep comin' around and asking for advice and support. You'll find it helps quite a bit just knowing there are others who are experiencing the same things you are experiencing. Make sure you read the stickies at the top of the forums. They have lots of good information.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I would start by having an honest talk with your doctor about wanting to stop drinking. S/he may be able to give you medical help in detoxing, as alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous. As far as staying sober, have you considered trying AA?
All the best to you and welcome to SR!
All the best to you and welcome to SR!
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I never stopped drinking until my wife threatened to leave if I didn't. This took her a long time to do with a lot of broken promises in between.
Stop now before you get to that point and the quality of your marriage will far more than compensate for the pleasure you derive from drinlking.
At least that has been my experience and believe me I went down fighting.
Stop now before you get to that point and the quality of your marriage will far more than compensate for the pleasure you derive from drinlking.
At least that has been my experience and believe me I went down fighting.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
Hi and Welcome,
Obsession is part of the disease of addiction. Compulsion is the other part. I used to have obsessive thoughts about drinking, and the more I tried to stop drinking, the more difficult it became. What worked for me was a determined effort to change daily habits and patterns. It helped ease the obsessive thoughts, if I changed things in my life from their normal routine.
Hang in there, you can do this!
Obsession is part of the disease of addiction. Compulsion is the other part. I used to have obsessive thoughts about drinking, and the more I tried to stop drinking, the more difficult it became. What worked for me was a determined effort to change daily habits and patterns. It helped ease the obsessive thoughts, if I changed things in my life from their normal routine.
Hang in there, you can do this!
Up from the ashes
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 213
It’s good to meet you, aprylreign and CornflakeGirl!
AA is one option, soberrecovery is another option. I think face to face meetings help a lot.
Here are a few more online options:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy cbtrecovery
LifeRing LifeRing Home Page
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy REBT Network: Albert Ellis | Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy
SMART SMART RecoveryŽ Help with Alcohol, Drug, and Other Addictions
SOS S.O.S. Secular Organizations for Sobriety
Web book
Allen Carr’s Easyway WOWIO: Free Ebooks, Comics and Graphic Novels | Free Books + Free Minds
You are among people who understand what you are going through, keep coming back, keep posting, if you get a craving, hop into a chat room. I really think that this entire process begins with a decision, and it’s a decision that only you can make. I think often times recovery is a very personal matter, and it takes a lot to design one’s own recovery.
Good luck.
AA is one option, soberrecovery is another option. I think face to face meetings help a lot.
Here are a few more online options:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy cbtrecovery
LifeRing LifeRing Home Page
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy REBT Network: Albert Ellis | Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy
SMART SMART RecoveryŽ Help with Alcohol, Drug, and Other Addictions
SOS S.O.S. Secular Organizations for Sobriety
Web book
Allen Carr’s Easyway WOWIO: Free Ebooks, Comics and Graphic Novels | Free Books + Free Minds
You are among people who understand what you are going through, keep coming back, keep posting, if you get a craving, hop into a chat room. I really think that this entire process begins with a decision, and it’s a decision that only you can make. I think often times recovery is a very personal matter, and it takes a lot to design one’s own recovery.
Good luck.
Last edited by CarolD; 07-13-2009 at 09:52 PM. Reason: Commercial link removed
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi Apryl
Welcome!
I couldn't stop and stay stopped either and I felt weak and hopeless. I did terrible damage to my family and trust has taken a while to restore.
When I started to drink, I would often drink more than I intended....so much more sometimes I should have died....and when I tried to stop, I found I couldn't stay stopped on my own for more than a few days. I would get restless, irritable and discontent and my mind only remembered the ease and comfort that I would get if I drank again. I was totally stuck and would have done anything to stop. I felt like my willpower wasn't enough.
I went to AA. The desire to drink left me when I took some action there.
Welcome!
I couldn't stop and stay stopped either and I felt weak and hopeless. I did terrible damage to my family and trust has taken a while to restore.
When I started to drink, I would often drink more than I intended....so much more sometimes I should have died....and when I tried to stop, I found I couldn't stay stopped on my own for more than a few days. I would get restless, irritable and discontent and my mind only remembered the ease and comfort that I would get if I drank again. I was totally stuck and would have done anything to stop. I felt like my willpower wasn't enough.
I went to AA. The desire to drink left me when I took some action there.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
hi Apryl.
Welcome to SR - we're a good bunch here - and we know what you're going through so don;t be ashamed. Post as often as you need to - you're find advice and support here.
Do give some though to face to face support tho - like AA, or any of the other programme links Freepath provided.
I wish you well. Hope to see you posting more
D
Welcome to SR - we're a good bunch here - and we know what you're going through so don;t be ashamed. Post as often as you need to - you're find advice and support here.
Do give some though to face to face support tho - like AA, or any of the other programme links Freepath provided.
I wish you well. Hope to see you posting more
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by aprylreign 
I want to stop but I can't. I stop and then I start again knowing I have a serious problem.
I recovered by taking AA's 12 steps. Alcohol has not been an issue for quite some time. I've seen it work for most eveyone that really does the work required. If you want to quit for good and all, it may be the answer for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: JHB
Posts: 89
I think hanging around ppl that are like you (AA, SR and Rehab) might be a good start. If you keep on trying to fight your addiction alone, you will keep on losing.
Thank you
for taking the first step in admitting that you have a problem and you are powerless over alcohol. The next best thing is to do as many meetings as possible, this is where you will get suggestions from fellow addicts on how they managed to stay clean and sober. Rehab will help with detox and as well as with therapy. Once you have acquired these tools you will learn how to manage and stay on top of your addiction..
Welcome to our community and keep coming back....
Thank you
for taking the first step in admitting that you have a problem and you are powerless over alcohol. The next best thing is to do as many meetings as possible, this is where you will get suggestions from fellow addicts on how they managed to stay clean and sober. Rehab will help with detox and as well as with therapy. Once you have acquired these tools you will learn how to manage and stay on top of your addiction..Welcome to our community and keep coming back....
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR apryl.
You have recieved some excellent replies so far.
I was like you are now, I kept on drinking thinking "I can control this!" my drinking progressively got worse yet in my head I felt I could still control it or even stop if I had to. I too would stop drinking for varying lengths of time and thinking that I had it under control "THIS TIME" I would start up again and rapidly would wind up drinking more then I was drinking before I quit the last time. Eventually I reached the point of physical and mental addiction, I drank when I did not want to and I got no pleasure from drinking any more. Nothing in life is enjoyable when you HAVE to do it.
I finally put myself into a medical detox and following their advice I went to AA, got a sponsor and took the steps. I became a new and changed man as a result of this.
Training ones mind....... I have found that when I took the steps in AA with a sponsor and listened to suggestions from folks in AA that I changed, I became comfortable being sober and living sober. I became comfortable in my own skin. I like who I am today, I am a good father, husband, grandfather, friend, employee, and a helper of my fellow man. I would not give any of that up to go back to being a drunk again where I was none of those.
In AA it is said and I concur:
"I can not stay sober, but WE can!"
You are not alone with your alcoholism, why fight it alone?
Try a program, be it AA or any other, doing this alone leads to a very rough road.
BTW When I say try a program I mean commit to a program for 3 months and see if it works for you.
When I went to AA if I had simply gone to 4 or 5 meetings with no commitment to working the program of AA for 3 months, I would have never have stayed sober, my head was still to messed up to really begin to grasp any more then "These AA folks are happy and friendly." After a while going to meeting daily I began to make friends and found out that if I wanted what they had I should really do what they did.
You have recieved some excellent replies so far.
I was like you are now, I kept on drinking thinking "I can control this!" my drinking progressively got worse yet in my head I felt I could still control it or even stop if I had to. I too would stop drinking for varying lengths of time and thinking that I had it under control "THIS TIME" I would start up again and rapidly would wind up drinking more then I was drinking before I quit the last time. Eventually I reached the point of physical and mental addiction, I drank when I did not want to and I got no pleasure from drinking any more. Nothing in life is enjoyable when you HAVE to do it.
I finally put myself into a medical detox and following their advice I went to AA, got a sponsor and took the steps. I became a new and changed man as a result of this.
Training ones mind....... I have found that when I took the steps in AA with a sponsor and listened to suggestions from folks in AA that I changed, I became comfortable being sober and living sober. I became comfortable in my own skin. I like who I am today, I am a good father, husband, grandfather, friend, employee, and a helper of my fellow man. I would not give any of that up to go back to being a drunk again where I was none of those.
In AA it is said and I concur:
"I can not stay sober, but WE can!"
You are not alone with your alcoholism, why fight it alone?
Try a program, be it AA or any other, doing this alone leads to a very rough road.
BTW When I say try a program I mean commit to a program for 3 months and see if it works for you.
When I went to AA if I had simply gone to 4 or 5 meetings with no commitment to working the program of AA for 3 months, I would have never have stayed sober, my head was still to messed up to really begin to grasp any more then "These AA folks are happy and friendly." After a while going to meeting daily I began to make friends and found out that if I wanted what they had I should really do what they did.
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