eeerooo

i went 49 days without drinking. My daughter called me last monday and I told her that i was frustrated and had 1 24oz can of beer. of course, I was not drunk but she never called me ore sent me an email since then. I am very hu rt. I don't have anyone. I am so sorry that I posted stuff that was stupid enough that it had to be delete by the forum leader.

I am sorry if I upset anyone.

But thank you Tyler for your genuine concern. Because those of us that post negative stuff are the ones that need help. And I need help.

God Bless ..E

ANGELINA243

Keep posting. GLad you are here. You don't have to go through this alone. We do recover.

Anna

I am so glad that you're back!

It sounds like your daughter was disappointed that you were drinking. I still remember how disappointed and angry my kids were when I drank and let them down. Try to focus on the moment and stay sober. The best way to reach your daughter is to stay sober and let her see that you are changing.

tyler

Glad to see you are ok. Stick around, there are people here who care about you, even if they don't know you. I'd wager to bet there are people who care about you in your life that your depression is blurring your vision from seeing.

When I sent you those messages, it brought me back to a dark place in my life. I don't say this to make you feel bad in any way, it is what it is. At the same time I received an email from my ex-wife telling me that she didn't think my son was ready to spend the night with me and my folks. This upset me as well. In the past I would have gotten hammered, I've got booze just down the hall I can get into any time I want. But what good would that have done? I would have felt like a hypocrite for trying to help you, then going and getting drunk myself. I would have felt like crap in the morning. I would have felt set back in my progress, AGAIN, so I just didn't do it. I posted some stuff on the boards here, got it out and went to bed. This morning I felt a lot better. I re-read the email my ex sent and she wasn't being critical, my son just doens't feel ready yet.

I guess the point I'm trying to make, and I sometimes take the long road there , is none of us are perfect. In fact most of us here are quite flawed. But we can all get better. People do care about you, both here and in your life. Don't draw conclusions about your daughter without knowing the facts. She may indeed be upset because she has probably had to witness the damage drinking has done in your life. But I'm sure she still care about you. Why don't you call her or email her. Not if you've been drinking though. If you've already been drinking today, make it a goal for tomorrow when your head is clearer.

Don't worry about causing drama here on the boards. That is why we have moderators who do an excellent job. In the past I have posted many things while drunk that I wish I hadn't. This is a site for recovery, not for the recovered. Hope today has been a better day, and tomorrow is better still. Take care.

vegibean

Keep on doing it. Nobody fails from trying. Just have faith in yourself and remember that you are important, brush yourself off and get back on. Good Luck!

Dee74

hi again eeerooo

I think you should focus on the fact you made 49 days - that's great!

People - especially our loved ones - can seem to be harsh...I think sometimes they just get scared or frustrated for us tho...when we show them, by our actions, that we are sincerely trying our best to keep and stay sober, then perhaps we can start to mend some of those fences.

Focus on the task at hand eeerooo - keep going with your recovery.
Find other ways to deal with frustration than reaching for that can - and use them next time.

You can do this

D

nogard

Hi eeerooo, congrats on teh 49 days, thats amazing and as has been said I woudl make taht teh focus of my recovery, my day, that I can quit, not that I keep friggin up.

I used for 23 years and was an expert in breaking out in frigupos, so not surprising that it takes a while to shake that off.

Focus on the changes, viva la change

louis

Hey...

Good for you for coming back....

Rather than thinking as the title says I keep failing at this.... how about... i need to keep trying at this...

We all have bad times and wish we hadn't said/done/wrote stuff but hey... were human we make mistakes... you show me you are strong cos you have the b*lls to face what you do.... that shows real strength and you should be proud of that.

Come here when you are low... or even before you get to that stage.... there will always be someone around to listen and try and help..

be well
thanks for coming back to post
louis

martha27

eeerooo your post touched me so much, I felt dreadful when I read it, I have felt like you so many times. Please don't give up, please hang in there, 49 days is an awesome achievement, you are getting there. I have let down my little girl so many times it brings tears to my eyes to think about it, I have always loved her so much, so to do your best and to still fail in their eyes sometimes makes it feel hopeless...but you have not failed, you are making great progress, you need that to be continually mirrored back to you and you need a bit more support..so keep posting, it looks like you have friends and support here!!

p.s. great posts from everyone I really enjoyed them, you guys are the best I always love reading your advice and messages I learn so much as well!

Tazman53

eeerooo 49 days is an accomplishment for an alcohilic to be proud of, my entire family was totally and throughly disgusted with me, the last 5 years of my drinking I did not draw a sober breath. Before that 5 years I had tried many times to quit...... oh I could quit then, but my problem was I could not STAY stopped. I was using what had always worked for me my entire life in all matters..... my own will!!!!

I can honestly say that stopping drinking was the only thing I ever put my will power against that my will power failed me tiime and time again, I kept thinking "Oh yea I got it this time!" Then I would decide "Well I can handle a drink!" and I would have a drink and I did not have any problems so the next day I would have 2..... no problems.... then 3 the next day and I was very soon right back to where I was and of course the wife and my kids were ONCE again dissappointed and angry.

I was about to lose it all in the very end and saw my death in the future if I did not find a way to quit drinking and a way to stay stopped.

A medical detox was how I quit.

The way I stayed stopped was through the program of AA, I knew I had no idea how to stay sober, so I figured I would have to follow the same path that hundreds of thousands of other alcoholics with long term sobriety took, I used the steps and the fellowship of AA.

Are you using a program?

Jomey

You can do this eeerooo, just keeping trying. 49 days is a great achievement, you can do it again, and more. I agree with Anna - just as it takes a while for us to learn to live in recovery, it takes a while for our loved ones to learn to live with us in recovery. They are learning as we are learning - they will have good and bad days too. Try to focus on yourself - just like Anna said, the best thing you can do for you daughter is to give her a sober mom!

As for the stuff here on the boards...just speaking for myself....don't worry about it. Everyone here looks out for everyone else, including you! Stay close, Jomey

Wolfchild

Each day is a new day and i hope you continue forward with your desire for sobriety.

Take whatever happened in stride and learn what you can from it at this time.

littlefish

If someone else can do it, so can you!

At least that is what I tell myself. I have had relapses and feel frustrated, too.

But I always remember something that happened when I quit drinking. I joined AA and of course being at my first meeting, people gave me their phone numbers. One woman invited me to a special step group for women with a feminist viewpoint. Well, the step group never happened for one reason or another, but I'll never forget a signifigant moment.
At this special step meeting, we opened the meeting with a reading from the big book and I didn't have a copy, so I was given a copy to read from the hostess.

I was amazed when I opened up her copy of the BB: it was completely dog-eared, coffee and wine stained, (I assume) and every single page was written in with pencil/pen and underlined. Some pages it seemed that her own notes crowded out the printed material. And, quite often, actually, on dozens of pages, she had written:
"relapse."
or:
"relapse, again!" and again.
But she was sober for 18 months when we met. She struggled with relapses.
It gives me hope; she finally did it after so many struggles.

least

I relapsed too many times to remember when I was first wanting to be sober. I always felt guilt and shame and remorse, but I kept trying and I eventually "got it". You will too. You are NOT hopeless. You CAN do this. Start all over today and keep moving forward... and don't look back.

love and hugs from me

jamdls

eee congratulations on 49 days! Just keep trying. My daughter wouldn't even take my calls when I was drinking and it took her about a year after I quit to really let me back into her life. You are not alone. There are always people here willing to support you and unless you live on a deserted island or something like that there are fellowhips in every community with others in your same situation who are ready to help each other. Sobriety is not an easy road to travel but the rewards are immeasurable.

tsukiko

I ain't a mum, but I am a daughter.

My Mum had me officially estranged when I was fifteen. Last time we saw each other I was in handcuffs. That was last year, and the first time we'd seen each other in a long time.

My Mum is coming 300 miles and staying for a couple of weeks. I sent her a Mother's day card this year too, albiet a week late...but gimmi' a break, the damn date of Mum's day changes every year!


Tomorra' I'm going to the station to do something she could never do, no matter how much I now realise she loved me...I'm picking her up so she doesn't get lost.

I'm terrified lol, but I'm clean.

Ain't going to be 'happy families' in a week or even a year...and she's going to kick my arse when she sees how messy my flat is lol, but at least I get to show her a bit of my home, my life...now I have something to show.

Like Anna said...best way to reach y'kid is through your actions.

I'm a junkie...'Takes me a year to prove what someone else can believably say in a sentance...

*shrugs*

It's worth it.

We don't fail 'till we stop trying. 49 days is no small achievement. :hug

keithj

eeerooo,

You can look at this as a failure, or you can look at it as learning more about your condition. You are obviously trying to stay sober. You obviously have good motivation and reason to stay sober. Yet, you still had that beer.

Why is that?

I believe the AA message, because that was the message I had to believe in order to recover. Hell, in order to survive. When I finally saw the facts of my own experience with how many times I had tried to quit drinking, all the things I tried to quit, all the consequences I faced for drinking again, all the good reasons I had for not drinking, and still knew in my heart that I was going to drink, AA's message made a lot of sense to me.

CarolD

Yes early sobriety is difficult and it's great you now
know you can do it....

Yes there are times I disappoint my children
and there are also times they disappoint me.
I expect that is true for most parents.

What positive thing are you doing for yourself today?
Yes you too can quit and stay quit...

four812

great job on the 49 days...

it took me 4 years to get 90 days.

so get at it and keep up the good work
'
you are worth it