9Iron

Yesterday was a pretty tough day for me and I want to say thank you to everyone who posted reply's of support and or advise. I clearly now realize that I was "projecting", fearing a future that I have no control over. Why do I do that? If a dark miserable future awaits me, worry about it then and don't spend my time worrying about it until it happens. I stumbled upon The Serenity Prayer, which I had heard before but now rings so true for the first time:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I can't change how my wife may or may not feel about me in the future, but I can affect how she feels about me today. I got through yesterday, woke up this morning, its a beautiful day, actually enjoyed getting my kids off to school, and am not the least bit worried about tomorrow.

Thank you so much that gift, I wouldn't have seen it without some of you.

Tazman53

Glad to hear you got through it, in AA we say quite often when the caca is hitting the fan in ones life "This to shall pass." It sure passes a lot easier when we stay in the day. I think all of us "project", it takes time to learn that when I project I seem to always project the absolute worst outcome possible!!!!

When I was early in sobriety if my wife and I had a big arguement, before I had a program I would find myself taking that simple arguement and projecting it out into the worst possible scenario and be convinced and worried that that was going to be the final outcome and make my self sick with worry.

The arguement would lead to my wife leaving me.
My wife would then divorce me and of course I would have to pay a huge child support payment,

I would lose everything in the divorce but my truck.

Then of course I would start drinking again and wind up living under the Chatham bridge!

None of that happened!!!! But I sure worried about it.

In reality what really happened is we would make up that night and everything was fine!

Experience has taught me that if I do the right thing today that what happens tomorrow will happen any how, but doing the right thing today has given me faith that tomorrow will probably be okay & if it is not there is no more I can do today about tomorrow so I will deal with tomorrow when it comes.

These are things I had to learn, I learned them in the rooms of AA from fellow alcoholics by them sharing thier experience, strength and hope with me. I had/have trust in those with good sobriety, when they told me not to project but focus on today I looked at them, the twinkle in their eye, the comfort they had in thier own skin, this is what they did to achieve the peace they had in thier lifes and I have learned that by doing what they do I gain peace in my life.

Stick in today my friend.

Mark75

9Iron

Thanx for your post! You help all of us at least as much, if not more, that we help you. Your posts about your wife in treatment and what all this means to your marriage resonated very loudly with me. I needed to read your posts more than you needed me to read them. If that makes any sense.

One thing that became clear to me, also, early on is that some of those sayings, prayers, whatever, actually have profound meaning.

At the end of the chapter "The Family Afterward" in the AA Big Book, They list three mottoes which are apropos...

First Things First
Live and Let Live
Easy Does It

I am really praying for you guys.... That you are here posting and getting involved speaks well of you and hopefully will translate into a successful new beginning for you and your wife!!

Mark

Also... What Taz said!!

gerryP

I think we all have a tendency to project 9Iron.

But it's a relief for me when I tell myself to back the truck up, wait and see what the situation will or will not be and then I can develop a plan to deal with it.