dabears34

I have a history of and am certainly prone to full blown, random panic attacks, and I had one today. I got them more often when I was drinking, and have had only a couple in the past two months. I'm thinking it was due to a confluence of factors...

- I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and have a cpap machine, but my sleeping has been markedly better since I stopped drinking, and I haven't used it in since. It wasn't helping much anyway, and actually made me sleep worse more often than it helped. The past couple nights (my sleep apnea occurs when I am first falling asleep, I choke myself awake mutliple times before eventually getting to sleep), it was the first time it was bad since I stopped boozing. I know it can relate to/trigger panic attacks when it's bad.
- I didn't really eat much yesterday.
- I have OCD tendencies, and those have been bad the past two weeks.

Anyway, it generally seems like the panic attacks are my brain taking a "mental ****", and it usually takes me a day or couple days til I feel back to normal after they happen. And tonight, I am really really really tempted to pick up a bottle of wine to help take the edge off. I haven't posted here in awhile, but wanted to drop by and speak my mind, rather than getting in the car and going to the liquor store.

Also, I am taking 90 days off of drinking (on day 59 right now), and at the end of the 90 days I am going to attempt to involve drinking in my life again in a casual/social way (and I'm staying fully aware and if I can't just do it socially, and can only drink in a massive, self-destructive way, I will quit for good). One question I have is, when I have that first drink, will I get sick? Or will it be like anyone just having a beer/glass of wine? I'm afraid the first drink might turn me into a crazed alcohol-obsessed animal... I'm sure it will be fine, but wanted to pick all y'alls brains...

Thanks!
Mike

CarolD

Well Mike.....
with all your medical conditions ...I can't see that returning
to drinking a toxin.....alcohol....is a wise idea.

Alcohol does damage to minds and bodies....that's true for all
who drink....regardless if they are alcoholics or not.
You have enough to deal with already.....

To answer your question.....when I did begin to drink
after being sober...it tasted horrible and I always threw up
My fun bottles were empty....never did I get the
old buzz again.....

Charmie

hello.my experience was this,i stopped drinking at the begining of the year (1st jan) and picked up again on the 6th of feb.i drank for one night and not nearly the amounts i was used to,my drinking spanned 20yrs,i was also chronic alcoholic.i was extremely ill the next day,like i had never stopped for a month.it was like ingesting poison,which indeed alcohol is. good luck with your controlled drinking! this for me is not an option.

JJB

My experience of having a drink after stopping was the same as for carol and charmian-it made me very sick and i felt more than rough the next day.
I was also disappointed that i had to start counting my sobriety again from day one. I just felt that having that relapse was a waste of time. Why do it? I didn't even enjoy it.
What good reason is there to drink again? if my addictive brain says it's for pleasure well that's wrong-I didn't enjoy the drinking or the hangover.
However if i'm posting here it's because i have to remind myself of that.
If I wanted to drink tonight for example I would need to write off the whole of tomorrow as I wouldn't be fit to do anything.
What a waste!!
Hangovers are awful and let's not forget it!

Tazman53

Mike I do not truly remember if I got sick or what ever the times I went back to drinking, one reason I would imagaine is because the last 5 years of my drinking I never drew a sober breath.

I am an alcoholic, I have no reason to gamble my life by having even a single drink. My life is so much easier just not drinking one day at a time. I have had enough to drink, I need no more. I am totally convinced that I can never drink safely again. I have been through the gates of hell where alcohol controled my every action and I have no desire to go back to that.

I do not want to die so I do not drink.

I have no reason to drink, I have found a new way of living, a solution for life other then alcohol. Alcohol kicked my arse!!!! I am not a masochist!!!!

If your panic attacks are far worse when drinking why would you plan on drinking again?

You are aware that alcoholism is a progressive disease, it always get worse when one is drinking and never better!

One can quit drinking for 10 years and if they start drinking again it is just as though they never stopped if they are an alcoholic.

smacked

within a week of starting again, I was drinking more than I ever had and landed in the ER.

Alcohol is not more important than my health, or my life.. and I'm glad to not have the brain damage of even thinking about it anymore.

It is a toxin, it's supposed to make you feel bad.. and be a deterrent, as it's a poison to the system.

If alcohol is so important that you're willing to risk increased anxiety, feeling sick, drinking again in massive amounts, .. eh.. well, that kinda sounds like a problem!

Anna

Alcohol also made me sick, whenever I managed to stop for a time and returned to it.

I also get panic attacks, always have. Not surprising, they were worse when I was drinking. Now, by being aware, they are somewhat manageable. There are breathing techniques that help with panic attacks. It won't 'fix' everything, but it could help you to deal with them.

dabears34

Thanks for the input, guys! Right now, I am in a discovery sort of phase, trying to find out if I am truly an alcoholic, or am just a "problem drinker" who, with practice, can enjoy alcohol in a reasonable, social way.

jamdls

Good luck with that DaBears. I wasted a couple of decades of my life convincing myself I wasn't alcoholic just "a wino".... I've suffered some serious panic attacks that kept me in a bed for days at a time and since I've stopped drinking I've only had very mild ones and I am not on a medication for them. I would not want to risk another of those attacks by drinking again, not to mention all the other cr*p that goes along with drinking.

Charmie

oh dread,,i too suffered from panic attacks,,i worked in the catering industry and they always seemed to happen at the most inoppertune times,like making coffee in a shop full of people,serving tea to someone in a busy restaurant,when i was having a staff meeting at a very well known large food company,,,ugh,,thank goodness i am free from these,this was possibly one of the worst side affects,,that is before i just spent the last bit of my alcoholism locked away in my house with the curtains shut,no panic attacks then.just me and my bottle.i do wish you luck with your controlled drinking dbears,but as someone else pointed out this is progressive and i wish you well in your quest to drink sociably,,i wasted 20yrs trying to do the same.its always a pointer too when folk are trying to control their drinking,,normal drinkers do not find a need to do this,,indeed they dont give it a second thought.just something to consider.

Bamboozle

Hello, dabears.

I have two months sober now after relapsing for about three weeks. Before that I had about 80 days sober. It took only a couple of days for my drinking to get back to the ridiculous amounts of old. When I quit this last time, it was the absolute hardest relapse to stop. I had really bad anxiety by day three. I almost didn't make it out.

I'm not telling you what to do...but I know I cannot do any controlled drinking. I tried the last time...and before I knew it the booze had me under its thumb again.

It's been really hard for me (and I imagine some others here) to acknowledge that I cannot drink again. As much as I want to be a social drinker, the way my brain is wired prevents me from doing so. My brain wants more and more. Alcohol is to me what cat nip is to cats. I go crazy.

Tazman53

dabears I sure hope that you "with practice, can enjoy alcohol in a reasonable, social way.", I tried to "practice" so long that the last 5 years of my drinking I was totally physically addicted to alcohol, in the end I had to be medically detoxed.

Here are some questions you may want to ponder.

Would you stop eating peanuts if they gave you horrible panic attacks or would you practice eating peanuts just up to the point of having a panic attack?

Answer the above HONESTLY and then knowing deep in your heart the REAL answer to the above question ask yourself this.

Would a non-alcoholic "practice drinking" knowing that when they do drink they stand a good chance of having a panic attack?

Freeport

I went through this phase myself a few times, and I can relate to other posts. Every time I've decided that I cannot enjoy alcohol in a reasonable, social way, it's harder to quit. I'm only at Day 23 so far be it for me to preach to anyone, especially someone who's been sober more than twice as long as myself. That said, spend some time reading these boards. You can move on from alcohol now, or you can be find yourself spiraling into a terrible black hole that won't get any easier to survive. I would urge you to find other ways to handle panic attacks and remain sober.

dabears34

I'd have to really love peanuts.

PXYZ

Alcoholism is disease of brain and body . Great fear , panic , madness , furious anger and suicidal thinking will come again if there is no treatment . So for me the choice is to be sober or to be dead , not to drink or not . I am very sick - I have to remember this .
...day 66...