Dealing with a constantly frustrating situation without drinking...
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Sweets, congrats on your 5 days! I can't imagine having liquor in my home especially in early sobriety but obviously you can't make other people live by your rules unless you own the place. I got angry a lot in the beginning and whenever I got angry/sad/depressed (pretty much any excuse...) I'd eat M&Ms, massive quantities of them (I'd buy 4 lb bags) and it worked for me and M&Ms became my addiction for about 9 months. Yes I gained a lot of weight but the weight of being a drunk was lifted off my shoulders. So I figure with a moniker of "Sweets 79" maybe you can relate.
Judy
Judy
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by littlefish 
Sweets7, having liquor in the house when you are trying to stay sober is a big challenge. We were talking about this the other day in one of my AA groups and people report not being able to have alcohol in their house when they first got sober...anywhere from 1 to 10 years.
You are living with a roommate. Is this person in a relationship with you or are you simply sharing a living space?
Have you discussed having some rules about alcohol? If this roommate is just a roommate and not anything more, could you ask him/her to keep their liquor locked up?
You are living with a roommate. Is this person in a relationship with you or are you simply sharing a living space?
Have you discussed having some rules about alcohol? If this roommate is just a roommate and not anything more, could you ask him/her to keep their liquor locked up?
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by Tazman53
Sweets funny you should bring this up, here is what my experience is on this that I just finished typing in another post, basically how I use the Serenity prayer:
One of the most beneficial things I have learned to help me in my day to day life I picked up out of the BB & the rooms. When ever I get angry, frustrated, confused, etc., just STOP!!!!!!
When I feel strong emotions or confusion coming on I have found that if I can just STOP!!! Do absolutley NOTHING immediately, in other words I do not react, I calm myself by finding a quiet spot even if it is just in my head..... slowly think about what is going on and ask myself a question like "Is there anything involved with this that I have control over?" If the answer is yes, then I need to calmly decide what is the right action to take, this decision may involve some silent prayer/meditation or now that I am calm the right answer may be quite appearant, if not I will seek the advice of someone who may have a good answer.
Okay now here is where it gets a bit tough, if the answer to the question "Is there anything involved with this that I have control over?" is no, then I simply accept it for what it is, something I can not change or control I just turn it over to my HP or what ever powers may be that does have control.
It takes time and practice to STOP, but I can tell you that I make far fewer mistakes and amends then I did when I was drinking and hold no resentments nor do I have any guilt or shame over my actions. Life is good when I apply the above.
Keep your sobriety #1 as you said you are doing, just do what you have to do and accept what you have to accept, not always easy, but when done life becomes smoother, not perfect, or even great, but smoother.
One of the most beneficial things I have learned to help me in my day to day life I picked up out of the BB & the rooms. When ever I get angry, frustrated, confused, etc., just STOP!!!!!!
When I feel strong emotions or confusion coming on I have found that if I can just STOP!!! Do absolutley NOTHING immediately, in other words I do not react, I calm myself by finding a quiet spot even if it is just in my head..... slowly think about what is going on and ask myself a question like "Is there anything involved with this that I have control over?" If the answer is yes, then I need to calmly decide what is the right action to take, this decision may involve some silent prayer/meditation or now that I am calm the right answer may be quite appearant, if not I will seek the advice of someone who may have a good answer.
Okay now here is where it gets a bit tough, if the answer to the question "Is there anything involved with this that I have control over?" is no, then I simply accept it for what it is, something I can not change or control I just turn it over to my HP or what ever powers may be that does have control.
It takes time and practice to STOP, but I can tell you that I make far fewer mistakes and amends then I did when I was drinking and hold no resentments nor do I have any guilt or shame over my actions. Life is good when I apply the above.
Keep your sobriety #1 as you said you are doing, just do what you have to do and accept what you have to accept, not always easy, but when done life becomes smoother, not perfect, or even great, but smoother.
What you just said is worth so much...When I feel those strong emotions and confusion and all that, I find it so hard to just stop...so I see where you're saying how tough it gets...I need to practice being able to do that, especially when I realize I don't have control over a situation and there is NOTHING I can do about it, that makes the frustration worse, which then fuels the drinking more...Those are true words of wisdom and golden advice.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by jamdls
Hi Sweets, congrats on your 5 days! I can't imagine having liquor in my home especially in early sobriety but obviously you can't make other people live by your rules unless you own the place. I got angry a lot in the beginning and whenever I got angry/sad/depressed (pretty much any excuse...) I'd eat M&Ms, massive quantities of them (I'd buy 4 lb bags) and it worked for me and M&Ms became my addiction for about 9 months. Yes I gained a lot of weight but the weight of being a drunk was lifted off my shoulders. So I figure with a moniker of "Sweets 79" maybe you can relate.
Judy
Judy
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Hon I do not care who it is, if you have your priority of sobriety as #1 just walk away, oh trust me I used to love to vent my frustrations right back at what was frustrating me and if it was an individual the frustration never got better, it snowballed.
You see I had to quit fighting, it served no purpose except to PO myself and others.
I would suggest that if this person likes to annoy you to just walk away, if they follow just keep walking. It takes 2 people to argue!!!
There are people who love to argue, I was one of them, I was going to get the last word in no matter what!!! There were a few folks that the second I tried to argue with them they would just walk away or clam up. Guess what? I stopped trying to argue with them. Looking back on it, they won every arguement I ever had with them by simply refusing to sink to my level.
You see I had to quit fighting, it served no purpose except to PO myself and others.
I would suggest that if this person likes to annoy you to just walk away, if they follow just keep walking. It takes 2 people to argue!!!
There are people who love to argue, I was one of them, I was going to get the last word in no matter what!!! There were a few folks that the second I tried to argue with them they would just walk away or clam up. Guess what? I stopped trying to argue with them. Looking back on it, they won every arguement I ever had with them by simply refusing to sink to my level.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by Tazman53
Sweets, go to this website, plug in your zip code and I can assure you that you will find a phone number there. Alcoholics Anonymous AA in (most of) New York State
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