So this is what it feels like, the first few days without a drink...ugh
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: far away from the ocean
Posts: 376
Hi Sweets,
Your story reminds me so much of my own. Female, early 30s. I am on day 8, by the way, so probably won't offer any deep insights, just my feelings.
Father was perhaps not an alcoholic but a mean heavy drinker. Guess that's how I learned to solve my problems with alcohol. Started in early teens, on and off, heavy at times, very heavy during the last year. Depression has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. And alcohol and depression are a dangerous combination, fueling each other.
And so I drank to drown out emotions. I used to say that the reason I was drinking was that with each drink my world became smaller and smaller, reduced to the room where I was drinking and then to just the space between me and my bottle. An illusion of having control...
I decided to stop because after my last week of drinking I knew it would kill me if I don't. It's been rough. Withdrawal symptoms got better but are still there. Raw emotions are on the surface. I've never been more irritable in my life. And the cravings, of course, the cravings every day.
Read the post about Surlyredhead's last day of drinking from a couple of days ago. She said that she needed to remember what it was like to never go back. I also wrote down how I felt my last week of drinking, how freaked out and desperate I was, how much it hurt. I also want to remember so I can heal.
Good luck and keep us posted!
OB
Your story reminds me so much of my own. Female, early 30s. I am on day 8, by the way, so probably won't offer any deep insights, just my feelings.
Father was perhaps not an alcoholic but a mean heavy drinker. Guess that's how I learned to solve my problems with alcohol. Started in early teens, on and off, heavy at times, very heavy during the last year. Depression has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. And alcohol and depression are a dangerous combination, fueling each other.
And so I drank to drown out emotions. I used to say that the reason I was drinking was that with each drink my world became smaller and smaller, reduced to the room where I was drinking and then to just the space between me and my bottle. An illusion of having control...
I decided to stop because after my last week of drinking I knew it would kill me if I don't. It's been rough. Withdrawal symptoms got better but are still there. Raw emotions are on the surface. I've never been more irritable in my life. And the cravings, of course, the cravings every day.
Read the post about Surlyredhead's last day of drinking from a couple of days ago. She said that she needed to remember what it was like to never go back. I also wrote down how I felt my last week of drinking, how freaked out and desperate I was, how much it hurt. I also want to remember so I can heal.
Good luck and keep us posted!
OB
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by OceanBound 
Hi Sweets,
Your story reminds me so much of my own. Female, early 30s. I am on day 8, by the way, so probably won't offer any deep insights, just my feelings.
Father was perhaps not an alcoholic but a mean heavy drinker. Guess that's how I learned to solve my problems with alcohol. Started in early teens, on and off, heavy at times, very heavy during the last year. Depression has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. And alcohol and depression are a dangerous combination, fueling each other.
And so I drank to drown out emotions. I used to say that the reason I was drinking was that with each drink my world became smaller and smaller, reduced to the room where I was drinking and then to just the space between me and my bottle. An illusion of having control...
I decided to stop because after my last week of drinking I knew it would kill me if I don't. It's been rough. Withdrawal symptoms got better but are still there. Raw emotions are on the surface. I've never been more irritable in my life. And the cravings, of course, the cravings every day.
Read the post about Surlyredhead's last day of drinking from a couple of days ago. She said that she needed to remember what it was like to never go back. I also wrote down how I felt my last week of drinking, how freaked out and desperate I was, how much it hurt. I also want to remember so I can heal.
Good luck and keep us posted!
OB
Your story reminds me so much of my own. Female, early 30s. I am on day 8, by the way, so probably won't offer any deep insights, just my feelings.
Father was perhaps not an alcoholic but a mean heavy drinker. Guess that's how I learned to solve my problems with alcohol. Started in early teens, on and off, heavy at times, very heavy during the last year. Depression has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. And alcohol and depression are a dangerous combination, fueling each other.
And so I drank to drown out emotions. I used to say that the reason I was drinking was that with each drink my world became smaller and smaller, reduced to the room where I was drinking and then to just the space between me and my bottle. An illusion of having control...
I decided to stop because after my last week of drinking I knew it would kill me if I don't. It's been rough. Withdrawal symptoms got better but are still there. Raw emotions are on the surface. I've never been more irritable in my life. And the cravings, of course, the cravings every day.
Read the post about Surlyredhead's last day of drinking from a couple of days ago. She said that she needed to remember what it was like to never go back. I also wrote down how I felt my last week of drinking, how freaked out and desperate I was, how much it hurt. I also want to remember so I can heal.
Good luck and keep us posted!
OB
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Road to recovery
Posts: 866
Originally Posted by Sweets79
...I know stress and dissapointment are an unavoidable part of life, so I think it's better I just concentrate on myself for now...
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by joinedintime
You said something well worth remembering there
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
You can do this Sweets, you really can. I understand those horrible cravings.
Giving in to them will just make it so you have to go through it all again. Each hour, heck each minute you choose to stay sober brings you closer to that light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me, it's there.
I have relapsed more times then I can count. Now that is an awful way to live. I have 30+ days sober this time. I never want to go through those first few weeks again.
There is a ton of support here on SR. Just stick around and don't worry about accomplishing anything except for staying sober right now.
Giving in to them will just make it so you have to go through it all again. Each hour, heck each minute you choose to stay sober brings you closer to that light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me, it's there.
I have relapsed more times then I can count. Now that is an awful way to live. I have 30+ days sober this time. I never want to go through those first few weeks again.
There is a ton of support here on SR. Just stick around and don't worry about accomplishing anything except for staying sober right now.
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by mtnmagic
You can do this Sweets, you really can. I understand those horrible cravings.
Giving in to them will just make it so you have to go through it all again. Each hour, heck each minute you choose to stay sober brings you closer to that light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me, it's there.
I have relapsed more times then I can count. Now that is an awful way to live. I have 30+ days sober this time. I never want to go through those first few weeks again.
There is a ton of support here on SR. Just stick around and don't worry about accomplishing anything except for staying sober right now.
Giving in to them will just make it so you have to go through it all again. Each hour, heck each minute you choose to stay sober brings you closer to that light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me, it's there.
I have relapsed more times then I can count. Now that is an awful way to live. I have 30+ days sober this time. I never want to go through those first few weeks again.
There is a ton of support here on SR. Just stick around and don't worry about accomplishing anything except for staying sober right now.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: far away from the ocean
Posts: 376
Sweets,
Definitely go see a doctor about your depression but don't just leave with a script and no plan to learn the coping skills. Docs are quick to prescribe antidepressants but it's so much harder to understand what made you depressed and how to react to the same situations in the future. I know, I'm the one to talk. But what I learned in therapy is the ways to try to change my warped thinking, and that's what depression really is, it's a warped thought process in response to life's situations.
Exercise helps a lot and that's the only "healthy addiction" that I know. Your brain produces endorphins and makes you feel better. I am really grateful I can exercise now because with so much irritability and without exercise I was almost ready to punch somebody in the face at the slightest provocation. And you can kill two birds with one stone: weight and mood problems. It won't be the solution but a very useful tool I found. Give it a try!
OB
Definitely go see a doctor about your depression but don't just leave with a script and no plan to learn the coping skills. Docs are quick to prescribe antidepressants but it's so much harder to understand what made you depressed and how to react to the same situations in the future. I know, I'm the one to talk. But what I learned in therapy is the ways to try to change my warped thinking, and that's what depression really is, it's a warped thought process in response to life's situations.
Exercise helps a lot and that's the only "healthy addiction" that I know. Your brain produces endorphins and makes you feel better. I am really grateful I can exercise now because with so much irritability and without exercise I was almost ready to punch somebody in the face at the slightest provocation. And you can kill two birds with one stone: weight and mood problems. It won't be the solution but a very useful tool I found. Give it a try!
OB
To thine own self be true
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by OceanBound
Sweets,
Definitely go see a doctor about your depression but don't just leave with a script and no plan to learn the coping skills. Docs are quick to prescribe antidepressants but it's so much harder to understand what made you depressed and how to react to the same situations in the future. I know, I'm the one to talk. But what I learned in therapy is the ways to try to change my warped thinking, and that's what depression really is, it's a warped thought process in response to life's situations.
Exercise helps a lot and that's the only "healthy addiction" that I know. Your brain produces endorphins and makes you feel better. I am really grateful I can exercise now because with so much irritability and without exercise I was almost ready to punch somebody in the face at the slightest provocation. And you can kill two birds with one stone: weight and mood problems. It won't be the solution but a very useful tool I found. Give it a try!
OB
Definitely go see a doctor about your depression but don't just leave with a script and no plan to learn the coping skills. Docs are quick to prescribe antidepressants but it's so much harder to understand what made you depressed and how to react to the same situations in the future. I know, I'm the one to talk. But what I learned in therapy is the ways to try to change my warped thinking, and that's what depression really is, it's a warped thought process in response to life's situations.
Exercise helps a lot and that's the only "healthy addiction" that I know. Your brain produces endorphins and makes you feel better. I am really grateful I can exercise now because with so much irritability and without exercise I was almost ready to punch somebody in the face at the slightest provocation. And you can kill two birds with one stone: weight and mood problems. It won't be the solution but a very useful tool I found. Give it a try!
OB
That is very true about the meds...They are quick to prescribe but don't really care to talk...I had a bad experience with one D.R. He prescribed one anti-depressent along with xanax and klonopin...Then he changed the anti-depressent to another one and upped it by 20 mgs...I can't tell you the side effects and withdrawal symptoms I went through. When I called his office, he wouldn't even return my call... Ofcourse I don't deal with him anymore. I know usually the psychiatrists just like to write out scripts, and they refer you to a psychologist for the cognitive therapy...Hopefully I can find two decent doctors.
I know exactly what you mean about wanting to just punch someone in the face at the slightest thing...I have severe agitation and feel like that all the time...even when I was drinking I would get like that, but now that I haven't had a drink in a few days, the irritability is real intense...That coupled with just the thoughts I have about things gone wrong, and things going on in the present isn't a good combo...But I got through today, that's all I can ask for...I am just taking it one hour at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Road to recovery
Posts: 866
Originally Posted by Sweets79
Glad you pointed that out. I just wish I could actually DO that. I think I've always been too worried about meeting someone, because I hate being alone...and the guys I've met have really all been jerks...maybe it's just who I pick, I don't know. Sometimes I really feel like giving up..The cravings are really bad right now...I hope I can do this.
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