Toomutch

I feel so awful today I am in tears; not only from this chronic pain, but I'm sad. I can't remember when Iv'e felt so sad. I have been in bed for the last 2 days only getting up to use the bathroom. I hurt everywhere including my stomach; my IBS is buckleing me over everytime I eat anything.

I got up for awhile earlier to do some laundry and sit with my family. After I sat down I fell asleep and when I woke up nobody was there; alone again...

I'm only 44 and have so much life ahead of me; and that's the scary part. If this is what my life is going to be like; feel like, I really don't want to live a long life? My fibro has never been so bad.

I recently started back to church and joined a bible study and have been trying to give all of this up to God. I am just so negetive today. The only times I have left the house in the last 2 weeks is to go to church or bible study. After bible study my mom and I go for lunch. I guess that is too much activity for one day because it knocks me down for the next several days that follow.

I have no desire to drink, I don't have the energy. I suppose if a bottle was sitting right infront of me I may induldge. Why not? In my mind I know why not.... I'm just not strong right now.

I am so lonely... A house full of people, yet I'm so alone.

Sorry for my ongoing saga...

adore79

I cant imagine what it would be like to have so much chronic physical pain. The fact that you havent given up is a true testement to your power. Although it seems so hard for you right now Im sure God has a reason for it and all you have to do is hang in there, he will take care of the rest. I wish I was there to keep you company and help around the house. Many prayers going out to you my dear friend. xoxo

Toomutch

I wish you were here too...

Dean62

:prayingMy thoughts and prayers are with you.

SilentEyes

I wish you weren't feeling so horrible.I'm sorry to hear you are suffering so.I'll keep you in my prayers today. sorry I don't have something helpful to say :ghug3

Toomutch

You helped me by posting. Thank you.

Bamboozle

Hey, Toomutch. Be easy on yourself. I hope you feel better soon.

shaun00

i hope you can find comfort here toomutch........

god protect and comfort you.....

keep posting....if it helps...........................trucker

Toomutch

Thanks Trucker. I do find comfort here.

Mattcake

You've been willing and available to help out so many of us, Suzette, I'm saddened to know that you're struggling so badly. Remember that this too shall pass

dedubya

you are too awesome. u hang in there young lady; I can tell that you have it in you; pm me sometime.

Toomutch

Thanks for caring Matt and dub, you guys are awesome...

Dee74

when I get to feeling something like this, Suzette - it's time for action.

For me it's adjusting my thinking with things like: I cannot walk far, but I can walk - and I think about those who can't.

My gfs not here 24/7, but she is always here in spirit - and I think about those who really have no-one.

I deal with constant pain too and I think about the future too - I'm younger than you.

I figure we only get one chance at life, as far as I know - I used to wish it away too until I realised how utterly ungrateful that was.

I'm alive. That's a gift.

Every person who's lived before me and who've gone now would kill to take my place, you know?

I'm not saying your feelings are not valid - and I'm not beating you up S LOL.
I just know that self pity, however justified, can beat us as badly as booze did if we let it.

I'm thinking about counselling to help me deal with all my body aging and life issues - I hope you are too. Journalling and venting is good but it's just the start - it's the release not the solution - we both need to back that up - and, I believe, no matter how crappy we feel, there is always something we can do.

It's like the Oscar Wilde quote - all of us are in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

I don't always make it, but I try to look at the stars

D

Anna

Suzette,

Have faith that you will feel better.

Have you talked to your dr recently about the problems you're having?

(((Suzette)))

Aysha

I hope you feel better soon too.
I dont have any advice.
Nor anything more than a hug and a thought for you.
I am glad you dont want to drink over any of the stuff you go through. that says so much.

Toomutch

Dee,

I completely agree with everything you had to say here...
I do try to stay positive and look at the beauty in life. I can sit and look at a flower and be amazed by it's beauty and more often than not I feel quite blessed.

However today I am in a negetive place. Between the pain and the mental illness it isn't always easy to see the bright side. I came to SR for support and kind of feel like I have gotten a lecture. I am happy for you that you can always have a positive attitude, you must be a lot stronger than me.

joedris

Toomuch, You're not alone as long as you have us on your side. Please don't take what we say as a "lecture." What we try to do is to share our experiences with you, hoping that we can somehow help. One thing that really helped me when I was feeling alone (even in a crowd) was going to a counselor. She really helped me through that tough time. I also found a lot of support and made a lot of friends by going to AA meetings. Believe me, we're no stronger than you are. I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers. And stop beating yourself up. You deserve better than that.

CAPTAINZING2000

Hard for us to tell how much is mental and how much is physical!!

Are you physically able to do yard work right now. Sometimes, little things like planting new bushes and flowers are uplifting to the spirit!

Dee74

I'm sorry you feel that way Suzette.

I was sharing what I've learned, one pain sufferer to another.
I'm not a guru, I never think of myself that way,and I often don't get it right in my own life either.

As I said in my original post, I wasn't saying your feelings weren't valid.

I do think though that sometimes support needs to go beyond hugs and kisses and you go girl.

I've seen you be sad and depressed for a long time now - I really do think that we owe it to ourselves to treat ourselves as well as we treat the others in our lives.

I also really think to be alive is a blessing - every day - for all of us.

I hope you'll continue to look at ways, right now, to manage both your pain and your mental illness to gain the happiness we all deserve.

As for me, I believe we grow through exposure to other opinions and ideas - but we always have the freedom and choice to agree or not.

I think that's what makes SR so great.

I try to be honest - I always think what didn't gel for you or me might 'hit' with someone else.

But this is the second time in as many days someone's not liked what I've said, so I'm happy not to impose upon you if you think I'm lecturing, Suzette.

I'm not here to cause distress. I'm not infallible, I'm not indispensable and there's a lot of other posters here to help you.

No harm, no foul.

I do hope you feel better soon though
take care
D

Kellye C

Hey there Suzette,

Just sent you a PM that I hope you will find useful! Having multiple illnesses myself I can relate and hopefully what I wrote to you will help you out a bit.

In the meantime, here is a hug! (((((((( Suzette )))))))))

Kellye