Aysha

Some of you may remember me telling you my dad gave me an address for my mom in Hawaii. I wrote well over a month ago. And nothing has come back. Nothing ever comes back when I write an address we find on her. I havent written since I was a teen. But the addresses are always in Hawaii. And that was the last known place she lived.
My dad keeps asking me if anything has come back...No dad. Well then she got it he says. I know he means well. But why does he say that? How does he know its even her? Why does he keep making me have false hope?
Or maybe its real hope with no return of hope. I dont even know.
It is really buggin the hell out of me.
It is only a PO Box as it always is. Ever since I was little they are always PO boxes.
Is there any way I can call that post office and ask them questions to find out if it is her?
I wrote in the letter even that i fit wasnt her. Please call me collect..send the letter back or let me know somehow that it isnt who I am looking for.

WTF am I suppose to think everytime sunce I was little I send a friggin letter to these addresses with pics of me and her ..So theres no mistaking who the hell I am looking for..or who its from. What do I have to do to get a friggin response from someone??

I am just tired of it. I gotta know. I almost hate my dad brought this **** to me. I really do. I havent thought about findin her in about 15 years. I let it go. Now I am all F ed up on it again.

I us eto be so obsessed with finding her when I was little. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night for a few years when I was like 7 to 10 yrs old. I would look up at the stars out my bedroom window and wonder if she was looking at the same ones. I would wonder everytime I saw an asian woman if that was her. I still do it for God sake at 33. When I saw Little Orphan Annie..That really got me obsessed. I dont need this **** in my life. I need to either let it go or find out.
SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!

ANGELINA243

Sorry--I don't have any advice on the matter....but did want to give you a I found out a long time ago--I can only be responsible for my actions--not anyone else's. I know it seems frustrating to you right now, but you at least did reach out to her--that says alot. I will keep you in my thoughts/prayers. Hang on, "Brother"--eveything will be ok...just don't get all caught up in all the drama...especially in your mind...that's a dangerous place to be.

coffeenut

Oh, Chi....the only thing I have for you is a (((hug))).

I don't blame you for being tired of it. The feelings that it has to bring up every time you send a letter have got to be huge.

Can you talk to your dad? Find out where he is getting the info? Something like that? Maybe he thinks it makes you feel better to send a letter? I don't know.

I agree....let it go or find out. But then, that's very easy for me to say.

Best wishes to you, Chi.

Latte

I understand how you feel. I found my birthmother (I was adopted when I was 2) when I was 28. We don't have a really close relationship, but I like knowing who she is.

Theresa

I think Coffeenut's suggestion is a good one: talk to your dad. Why is he keeping this drama going and doing it through you? Could the two of you be happy in the relation you have/can have without reaching out to the woman that is your mom? If not, can the two of you explore what is stopping you from enriching that relationship, the one between just the two of you, two special people who have shared a long, rich life together.

adore79

Hi Trish, talk to your Dad and let him know how you feel about it.

Anna

I doubt that you would get any information from the Post Office.

I also think you should talk to your Dad. Tell him you don't want to keep going through this roller-coaster, that you just want peace.

Freedom1990

I agree. Be honest with your dad about how you feel and leave it at that.

lovinmenow

Hey Chi,
Let it go. She obviously does not want to be found. You deserve to be happy and you will not be happy meeting a women who has caused you so much pain. Move on and concentrate your energies on yourself and healing your soul.

Aysha

My dad found the last address when he did an online people search.
He is doin it to mend our relationship. I know why he is doin it.
But I dont like that he will say its her when neither one of us know that for sure.

Why wouldnt she want to be found? She always sent money to my grmas for me when I was little. When she found out my dad got remarried is the last time anyone heard from her.
My grams was the last one to talk to her. We had just moved to Florida and I was 4 yrs old.
My grams said someone was yelling at her in the back ground and that she kept saying she would pay for the call. She said she would call the next day and never did.
My dad said she was mixed up with the Korean mob in Hawaii. I never even knew there was such a thing. But she lived a life of luxury with what she did to get her money. I remember limos and furs and stuff like that the brief time I was with her in Hawaii.
My dad always told me when I was younger that he didnt want me trying to find her in case the people she ws mixed up with ever wanted to come find and hurt me for something she may have done.
Is this stuff like out of a movie or what?
Its freakin nuts.
I dont know what to believe.
My grams has always told me she loved me and that she was a good woman and wanted the best for me. And thats why she asked my gram to take me.
I know my dad is trying to do something he thinks is goin to bring us closer. But I dont like the definates on his part. And I would never hurt his feelings by telling him how I feel about it.
I will just have to let it go again.
I just be babblin late at night sometimes.
I get lonely and get to thinking too much.
I really need to get a life.