Jayne2

Hi everyone,

Well today marks three weeks for me. And for me, this is when I start to worry.

As I've mentioned in other posts - I am a binge drinker. Every 4-6 weeks I embark on a self-destructive rampage that lasts a few days at a time. It's truly awful and yet I do it over and over again.

So far, I feel much stronger this time around. I won't lie - I've thought about it. And the thoughts are certainly more frequent than they were a week ago. But this is also my first time facing a binge with the help of you SR folks - before this I just lurked.

I have an appointment with a counsellor scheduled, as well as going to an info session on some alcohol treatment programs in my area. I will post here when I feel the urge and I will tell my husband that I am having the thoughts and that I need some extra support/help around the house so as not to feel as stressed. Ultimately though, I know this is a battle we all fight alone.

I feel ready. I know it's coming. And I know if I can get through the urge, without giving in, for ONCE in my life, I will feel so proud and I will get stronger every time I beat it.

I guess I am just looking for some encouraging words (or a good kick in the a$$) of support that I can come back to and read when the urge hits over the next couple weeks. I hope that's ok?

Jayne

Mark75

You have to want it, Jayne... I think you do. It's a choice. Do the right thing. No one else is going to pour it down your throat!!

I'm glad you joined SR and it's good to have you here.... keep posting. Let us know how you are doing.

Mark

Dean62

And lose alone. I had to learn to not fight it by asking for help and then being willing to recieve the help. You are not alone and you have no reason to be. I'm glad to hear you are seeking help. :ghug3

Relief

Hi Jayne,

I'm new here, but I can tell you I feel similar feelings -- except I usually can't manage to hold the pieces together for three weeks, so, good for you on your three weeks. What I try to do is to not anticipate "what's coming" but to know right now, at this moment, I am fine, I am sober, and given the current situation (being fine and sober at this moment) I can continue to move forward. Honestly, during really bad periods, I will make a goal to remain fine, sober and status quo for as little as ten minutes. And, at the end of those ten minutes try to make another commitment to stay status quo for a little while. Hope it helps!

Tazman53

In a way I agree with you, I had to ask for help from other recovering alcoholics. I am not alone in this and neither are you. I tried for many years to fight my alcoholism alone and it just got worse, it was not until I admitted defeat and asked for the help of others that I was able to find a solution to my alcoholism.

Yes there are many decisions I make on my own daily, but today if I am having an issue and I really do not have an answer for it I talk to others to gain insight from thier experiance, strength, & hope. I turn things over to my HP when needed, I listen to suggestions.

I stayed drunk when I was alone, we stay sober together. I am not God not Superman, I am a part of the world, not apart from the world.

I can make the decision to drink all by myself or I can speak to other recovering alcoholics and we can find a way to stay sober.

We can do this! I never could.

Antone

Just for today, don't drink.

HideorSeek

You can DO IT Jayne, I KNOW you can! If (when) the urge hits, try to think it through...beat your record, so to speak...and imagine how PROUD you will feel in the a.m. WHEN you make it (and contemplate how awful you will feel for a VERY brief buzz). During My last lapse, it took me about 1/2 hour to condemn myself, yet again, for giving in. And at that moment, I knew it WASN"T WORTH IT....losing the time, my self esteem, my sense of accomplishment. We are our own worst judges. Think of all the effort that has gone into these last three weeks. Stand tall and spit in the face of this disease. You are stronger than it, you just have to BELIEVE IT!

Oh, and read and post here, for a taste of reality, if you really start to teeter...

acer67

Hey Jayne,

I'm a binger too. That's one of the reasons it has taken me so long to face the facts. I don't drink everyday and don't always get drunk BUT when I get in one of those "moods" look out! I'm only 4 days sober and it hasn't been that hard - YET - so I can totally relate.

Have you tried any AA meetings yet? I found a wonderful ladies group. Only been once but felt so comfortable I think I will go back. In fact, I just got off the phone with one of the women from the group and had a very enlightening conversation with her. I was hoping she would be my sponser but she already has her quota. It was still comforting to talk to someone who has been there.

Keep coming back Jayne! You can do this!

jamdls

Jayne you can do this as long as you want to , you are not alone and do not have to be.
I love what Taz wrote:
"I stayed drunk when I was alone, we stay sober together. I am not God not Superman, I am a part of the world, not apart from the world."

That says it all. I was more of a binge drinker as well and it wasn't until I was able to say, first to myself and then publicly in front of others "I'm an alcoholic" that I was able to stop the madness. My "binges" now involve a massive housecleaning weekend, or gardening weekend, or painting....something a lot more productive than alcohol.

Do not fear reaching out to others.

Judy

Anna

Yes, that's it, Jayne. We get stronger by getting through it.

There's no easy way, but you are prepared and supported, so I know you will make it.

gravity

Cogratulations on 3 weeks! I was a binge drinker too - anywhere from 4 days to 2 months sober between binges.

I agree that ultimately it is up to me to stay sober. It's a problem that centers in my mind. I have to do the work. I have to be patient.

But we have all kinds of help & support available. From your post - counseling, treatment programs, family, and SR. I also want to congratulate you for reaching out.

I have been sober for 16 months. Looking back, I could not have accomplished this on my own. The AA fellowship, my sponsor, folks on SR, my wife & sister...and lots of prayer. So many people in my corner - making what I thought was impossible into a reality.

You can beat this!