NAP

Has anyone else had anger come to the surface after quitting drinking? I'm guessing it was always there but being buried by alcohol and anything else I could get my hands on to stuff it, and other feelings, down.

The thing is - if you're stuffing anger and bad feelings you're probably also stuffing any good feelings that want to come out. I'm so tired of living on the outskirts of life.

I'm wondering how to handle this anger and have always wondered - should you go with it and vent in a healthy way? Or change your thinking? Or get counselling, or....? How did you deal with it?

Thanks!

Fubarcdn

I have always had a certain amount of anger and now I am trying to be more tolerant. It is the main thing I am working on to make my sober life better.
When I get angry about something I try to figure out why.
The first thing I ask is What this has to do with me?
If the answer is nothing I breath and let it go.
If it has something to do with me I look at the motivation of the thing or person that is causing me to be angry and try to be tolerant of their point of view.
Anger is not a healthy emotion and it is something that I want to rid myself of so I am following this thread with interest. Thank you for posting.

Mark75

Hi NAP

AA and the 12 steps.... Perhaps therapy, venting, etc... Please think about AA and give it a real try, you'll be glad you did. Go early, stay late, talk to others that will know exactly what your talking about...

We do too, here at SR. Not face to face, but we listen pretty good

What's up with the anger?

Mark

adore79

All of the above I would say. I struggle with anger and bottling anger myself. I'm reading the book Taming the Tiger Within which teaches how to deal with anger using Buddhist mindfulness.

Aysha

I have rage issues.
IMO..I have to vent it in a healthy way or it will explode in a very bad way.
Counseling is a good idea too.
I wouldnt suggest stuffing that emotion.
That can be a very dangerous and destructive emotion.
When you relieve that built up anger in a healthy way. And its not knawing at your nerves anymore.
Address the issues that are making you feel like that.
With help.

mamabin

I don't respond to anger the same way I did when I was drinking that's for sure. Those around me are thankful for that.

For me, anger is a sign of me heading into a depression episode. I hope that's not the case with you.

Like Adore, I'm trying to deal with it in a Buddhist way. Not to let negative energy rule, and trying to stay in the moment. Always.

louis

Hi...

I remember a few days ago a thread on here about "scream therapy"... it seemed to get afew good responses... sorry i dont know who posted it...

I have a real problem with anger since i stopped drinking.. i used to numb all emotions with alcohol... and other ways which were unhealthy...

I would't say any emotion is unhealthy though as long as you use it in the right way...
If someone was being attacked and was angry... it would help.. a positive emotion in that position...

Have al look at that scream therapy thread though...

Sorry i cant help... i am not sure how to deal with my own anger...
I hope you find some peace though.

be well
louis

Robynn

Anger....as an emotion was something that eluded me even while drinking....I tended...and tend...to pull inwards...but I have had a few 'moments' while living on the street where if someone got in my face I would react in an aggressive manner...whether that was just a protective instict or territorial is the question...as you said...drinking can cover up many emotions...even the good ones....however...the fact that you are able to see the signs that there could be a potential problem....and that you are addressing it...is a step in the right direction....I know we all have our own way of coping with these things...but if you feel that it could become more pronounced....dealing with it now...either through councelling or therapy...might be something to think about.....

adore79

For me anger usually rises in this way:

things not going my way----->fear of not being in control----->anger

I am learning to turn things over to my HP and "go with the flow" more. Somethings I can change and some things I cant and that is just the way it is, life can still be good.

littlefish

A LOT of anger came to the surface directly after I quit. I stayed in a state of almost constant anger during my new sobriety: it probably lasted six weeks or so.
Thankfully I had started with a therapist and AA when I quit.

I felt the anger because I no longer had the sedative I had used for years to make me numb to all the anger I have inside: alcohol.

A very important part of my recovery is understanding why I am angry. I am learning a lot about myself working the 12 steps.
I used to think that growing up in a disfunctional family, two alcoholic parents and physical abuse, was something I "got over". I spent most of my life stuffing all that and denying the damage it had done to me.

It wasn't until I quit drinking that I finally understood how my childhood environment had shaped the person I am today: I am finally learning who I am.
I'm truly grateful that sobriety has given me the chance to understand the anger. If I hadn't quit drinking, I never would have gone through this important personal development.
Now, a few months into sobriety, I am a lot less angry. When the angry emotions pop up now and then, I can now have an inner dialogue and examine where it's coming from and find a better way of reacting to situations.

Anna

I also had a huge amount of anger come to the surface when I began recovery. It was not something that I could deny any longer.

When I stopped and let myself feel the anger, I realized that a lot of it was directed toward myself. I was angry with myself for getting into the addiction mess, for not being perfect, for making mistakes, for making bad choices. I had to begin the process of forgiving myself and letting go of the anger.

Missymae737

Hi,

Yes, being sober there have been times I would feel a great deal of anger but I managed to handle it well.

When I was out there using, I became very angry...My first night in detox, I was like the wicked witch in the world.. I was terribly drunk :ghug.Men actually told me that they were afraid of me...Imagine that!

Anyhow, you will get in check with your emotions, it just takes a little time of sobriety and we all differ with the amount of time...

You can do this!!:ghug

yeahgr8

Oh yeah anger is a BIG problem for me...i reckon not dealing with it more than likely was a big part of me relapsing. Definitely something to work on this time!

More exercise, more reading, meetings and not dwelling so much on the past which, objectively, is literally dead and not dwelling on the future which hasn't even happened yet! Easy to say though!!!

mle-sober

I've just recently (1 year and 9 weeks sober) had the unexpected experience of wht I'd have to call RAGE. I haven't felt this ever, that I can recall. It was way out of proportion to the event I was reacting to. Luckily, I realized that it was not really about the present but instead it was about the past - triggered by something in the present.

It was horrible to experience. It was like a wild animal came alive inside me. It took 2 days to calm down. I basically had to wait it out, and keep reminding myself that it was not a current response. Keep telling myself to recognize the past event and try to move myself into the present.

least

I have a hard time sometimes dealing with any of my feelings, but anger scares me sometimes. I talk about my frustrations with my counselor and that helps defuse it.

OZboy

A truley happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour!!:wtf2

coffeenut

My anger/rage happened while I was drinking. Now, it's just calmer. If I do get crazy about something....it's not for long. I just think about things differently. Almost like I had a brain transplant. That different.