flutter

Welcome Kenya! My husband used to threaten to record me... I almost wish he had, might have saved me a lot of drinking time! I hid vodka too, it's amazing how many people have.

To answer the online meeting question, the chat room here that is usually 'open chat', hosts a meeting during the time each day of the week that they're scheduled. Just join chat around that time (or any other time for open chat) and sit back and read.. participate, whatever.. all from the comfort of home

Oh, forgot to add, you can find "Chat Room" up in the darker blue menu bar, click it, then 'enter chat' to join.

SeaHorse

Kenyathena, welcome! Did you ever go to an aa meeting? Or did you just stay out in the parking lot? I wasn't clear on that. I can identify. I was so scared whenI went to my first meeting. I sat there scared stiff and hardly heard a word. I was afraid to get coffee my hands were shaking so bad.

I would suggest reading the text of Alcoholic Anonymous first. There are personal stories of recovery in the back. Your story could fit right in..maybe then you can get the courage to go into an aa meeting, because you will see you are living the life many others have and reading the stories of recovery will give you hope that there is a solution. Another suggestion is to call the aa number in the phone book, the central service office, sometimes if you ask, you can find a aa member to take you or meet you at the meeting. I wouldn't even bring up the topic of aa if you hadn't mentioned it. It is a program of attraction, not promotion. For people who want it..not need it! Just sharing my experience, strength and hope with you! Best wishes..hugs

You can pm me if you have any questions about AA. Best wishes on your road to recovery!

kenyathena

SOOO I started seeing a therapist lastnight and I have to say that I was very presently surprised, he seems very insightful and I actually felt awesome when I left. I have more hope today then I have had in a very long time maybe EVER... I am excited to gain the tools and the knowledge to deal with why I choose to self destruct!! I have committed to going every Tuesday , he is very expensive and an hour and a half drive from my home but when I think of the time and money I spent on booze this seem like a FAR better investment!!!!! Hope everyone on here is having a GREAT day!!!!

SeaHorse, I did go in to the meetings and the first time I went with an AA member who picked me up at my house. It just really didn't feel right for me maybe I will give it another shot.

Thank you again to ALLL of you for your posts. I trully APPRECIATE them!!

CarolD

Glad to see you are being por-active

Here is a list of various recovery methods
for you too explore

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

You may find you need more than a weekly therapist.

Blessings to you and your family

Iriss

Hi & welcome.. I can relate to your post so much, I have two daughters, and I have frightened the living daylights out of them through being drunk and passed out... the fire alarm went off once and they couldnt wake me up, husband was away, luckily no fire, but two very frightened girls..I, like you appeared to all to have it all together, good career, family etc etc, although I am early into sobriety I have found so much support here... Take care x

kenyathena

K this might sound silly but I have a week under my belt and am concerned that it is too easy... my sister goes to AA and told me to watch out for the PINK CLoud.. what the heck is she talking about?? My husband asked me lastnight if I was having a hard time, I thought about it and said no and I meant it ans was being honest.. I came downstairs with a glass of water, was going to put it in the dishwasher he asked if he could have it ( was gonna mix it in with the drywall mud) and then asked me, " is this water.." I laughed and said I was the last person who would waste a drop of vodka.. I have actually been poking fun at myself and we have both been laughing. I feel more ready this time, I am not mad at him and the world for telling me I have a problem and that I need to shut down the booze... After this incident I told him I was going back upstairs to give my girls a bath and was hiking the exercise ball upsatirs with me, he asked what I was doing and I said," well since I am not gonna booze in the bathroom while I bathe the girlz [I] figured I might give this exercise ball a try.. " we both laughed... HAs anyone else experienced this when they first started recovery, anything I should watch out for? Thank you!!!!!

kenyathena

Well, we had our inlaws for the weekend, it was my father inlaws birthday on friday night and it turns out I was hosting a party that I was unaware of... Brother and sister in laws showed up with booze and I can't believe it but it didn't bother me AT ALL. To the point that I told my husband that I didn't mind if he drank. That is propably the first time in 16 years that I have been in a social setting like that and didn't drink which i9s a lot given that I am only 32 . I actually had a really good time.... I think it makes a huge difference that I have gone back to work full time since having my children as I am actually around adults again and feel like I actually have something to contribute to the conversation. There are still a few beers in the fridge, I considered pouring them out but I kind of like having them there, weird but it makes me feel powerfull that I can open the fridge seem them there and CHOOSE not to drink them... I hope I am not kidding myself, I keep wondering when I am going to be HIT by a craving...... I am soo grateful for the last two weeks being sober, waking up in the morning without remorse or wondering what the hell I did the night before and waiting to see how my husband would respond to me to see if I was in trouble or not... Thank you again for everybodys support here, it is making a huge difference for me.

AlkalikeH

Hey kenyathena! Thanks for sharing all this - sounds like you are doing extremely well!

I really don´t know what the "pink cloud" is! Maybe some sort of AA term? someone might step in a clarify.

Maybe (in my humble opinion) has to something to do with the feeling of it all being like "too easy". It is absolutely awesome that it is going so smooth for you - then you should watch out for feelings like "i have TOTAL control over this" or "this is too easy - maybe i don´t have a problem with the bottle!" and maybe throw back a couple of drinks and just lose it all and go back to your old habits - no idea. Prolly something you need to find out by yourself?

The best choice is to keep up with the sobriety, don´t gamble much with other ideas!

Much more great things and laughs on the way! Strength and love your way! Keep it up!

kenyathena

Thank you AlkalikeH,

You hit it on the head and that it what kind of worries me. I have always been the girl who figured I was smart enough to handle eveything on my own, too good to have a problem with Alcohol.... It being soo easy so far plays upon my arrogance that I can maybe do it and it won't be difficult for me like it is for so many others.... At the end of the day I am an alcoholic no different than any other alcoholic... Sucks but I am grateful for the sobiety I have to date. It is a hell of a lot easier and less exhausting than all the effort that I put into getting drunk and then cleaning up my mess!!

kenyathena

Well my sister who just had her 4 year cake @ AA warned me to be cautious of thinking I was doing to well... she was right!!! I started counselling was starting to feel really great had three weeks with no booze and then had a girls night @ my house, my husband agreed it was fine for me to drink the " one night," as I never get a break being a full time mom and working a full time job.. The one night lead to a hangover which lead to drinking to get rid of it which led to me drinking the one day my husband went out of town, I passed out and was woken by my mother and brother screaming at me while my two little girls had been running around the house for GAWD knows how long totally uns supervised. My mother said my four year old wouldn't let go of me though they couldn't wake me. She must have thought I was dead.... My husband is furious, my brother and sister in law who rent a suite in our house will probably never speak to me again and my brother is my boss to boot.... I think I now know what my bottom looks like... sad to say it took this but I am kind of grateful in a way... I feel soooooo ******.. if my husband leaves me I know I will loose my kids because of this... I honestly am an amazing mom when I don't drink and that is what I have to do, I guess I am just kind of scared of myself.. does that make any sense?!

NewBeginning010

I am truly sorry to hear what has happened.... very scary indeed. I am also shocked that your husband agreed to let you drink this "one" night. I hope that he now knows to never let you even think about having another drink. I can weave quite the story on why I should be allowed to have one. Every time that I think I can have one is the beginning of the end for me for me & I suspect you as well.

All of the best in your recovery from a friend on the west coast.. it sure is rainy tonight. I don't think we ever have this beat... we just live with it a day at a time.

Take Care


NB :ghug3

kenyathena

Thank you NB,

I honestly don't feel like drinking although I wish there was a way to erase the guilt!! and yes we are very much alike one is NEVER one and if my husband thinks it is I always have a backup stashed because I know I won't be able to stop...How long have you been on this site?
We went to a follow up doctors appointment for my husband yesterday as they thought he had cancer, it basically came back as no news.. the doc said he was shocked that the one tumor wasn't cancer and wants to do more biospys to see for sure.. Very stressful although right now that doesn't make me want to drink.. it scares the **** out of me especially if he is really sick, I don't want to loose him but I am also terrified that if something does happen to him that his family will try to take my kids away. I have more motivation then ever to get my act together and show myself and the ones around me that I can do this and that I am NOT a threat to my children... I do not know what I would do without my kids that terrifies me more than anything in the owrld, I know know I have the power to make the difference.. if I just stay sober I can be their mother... why the heck does this disease turn us into such selfish animals.. If you asked me in my right state if I would pick booze over my kids I would say NO WAY... and yet I have time and time again....