Whats my motivation? she asked
uʍop ǝpısdn
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: California
Posts: 422
Whats my motivation? she asked
Out to eat at a very nice Japanese restaurant. I remind my wife it's been three weeks since I quit drinking, she claps and makes happy noises like wooo hoo and such. I feel good but at that moment I realized that it feels much better for another alcoholic to congratulate me than a non alcoholic. Probably because I know they know the hardships that early sobriety has.
After the clapping my wife asks " I was your motivation, wasn't I ?"
I had no Idea how to reply, I had to bend the truth a little and say yes babe you are my motivation. But deep inside I knew the answer,
I was my motivation. I did it for me!
I never really dissected the reason for me quiting, but when I did it was absolutely for me, all else was bonus.
I feel bad for not telling the honest truth, but I feel good that the reason is for me and not for anyone else, or because I had to.
I didn't have to stop drinking nobody was stopping me except ME!
What was your motivation?
was I wrong to bend the truth?
Thanx---- HF
After the clapping my wife asks " I was your motivation, wasn't I ?"
I had no Idea how to reply, I had to bend the truth a little and say yes babe you are my motivation. But deep inside I knew the answer,
I was my motivation. I did it for me!
I never really dissected the reason for me quiting, but when I did it was absolutely for me, all else was bonus.
I feel bad for not telling the honest truth, but I feel good that the reason is for me and not for anyone else, or because I had to.
I didn't have to stop drinking nobody was stopping me except ME!
What was your motivation?
was I wrong to bend the truth?
Thanx---- HF
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Wow, I think I would have been caught totally off guard if my spouse asked me that. I don't know about the bending the truth part, but I'm really glad to hear you say that your motivation is you. If your motivation was anything else, you'd have a really hard road ahead of you (even harder than it has been - lol).
No one can make you drink, and no one can make you quit. You have to make your choices for yourself.
Congrats on the 3 weeks.
No one can make you drink, and no one can make you quit. You have to make your choices for yourself.
Congrats on the 3 weeks.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
i would say........enjoy the fact that loved ones are so happy.
i know it not possible to quit for someone else and so do you.....
That will do for now right?......
If shes anything like my wife after my drinking she deserves a bit of joy.
I wouldnt complicate the situation..by being totally frank.
Sounds like your 100% honest with YOU.....which is vital...imo
Thats my take.........
3 weeks is a grand job my friend................trucker
i know it not possible to quit for someone else and so do you.....
That will do for now right?......
If shes anything like my wife after my drinking she deserves a bit of joy.
I wouldnt complicate the situation..by being totally frank.
Sounds like your 100% honest with YOU.....which is vital...imo
Thats my take.........
3 weeks is a grand job my friend................trucker
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: north yorkshire, england
Posts: 1,891
You said exactly the right thing and keep saying it.
Honesty, if it hurts another person for no reason, is not a good thing!
You know the truth (which is all that really matters) and if you can make your wife feel special too, that is a wonderful bonus.
Honesty, if it hurts another person for no reason, is not a good thing!
You know the truth (which is all that really matters) and if you can make your wife feel special too, that is a wonderful bonus.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Congrats on the 3 weeks and doing so well, it has got to be about you and your recovery!
I think you did the right thing, this was like the dozens of other examples you must have which require a not completely honest but not outright lie answer to avoid unnecessary hassle, as long as you are being honest with yourself.
I think you did the right thing, this was like the dozens of other examples you must have which require a not completely honest but not outright lie answer to avoid unnecessary hassle, as long as you are being honest with yourself.
perpetual optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
No harm in that truth bender.....I think everything around you and your life is a piece of the puzzle......but all the outside influences can scream and shout at you to do something........but it is the internal force that makes the decisions and follows through. It is empowering when you succeed isn't it? Great job. You sound proud and you should be!!!!!!!!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
I think the first few days I was more motivated by my family, but quickly began to realize that I had to do this for myself.
And, I agree that people who are non-alcoholics just don't understand how really difficult it is.
And, I agree that people who are non-alcoholics just don't understand how really difficult it is.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
My wife said quit or get out so she knew that she was my motivation to start with but now my motivation is also for me.
I told her this and she was happy and relieved because she knows, as I am sure your wife knows, for long term success one most be self motivated to make this happen,
Whether you tell her or not that she was the original motivation but now you are self motivated is up to you. But I think if you do that is something she might like to hear.
I told her this and she was happy and relieved because she knows, as I am sure your wife knows, for long term success one most be self motivated to make this happen,
Whether you tell her or not that she was the original motivation but now you are self motivated is up to you. But I think if you do that is something she might like to hear.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: venice,fl
Posts: 35
I think you did the right thing, in the future you may want to tell her your real motivation, though. The truth will set you free.
My recovering addict husband asked me why I quit drinking. I said, "Because I drink too much". He says he didn't think I had a problem.....Helloooooo, we've been together for 12 years.
Anyway, I don't lie to him, or bend the truth, but for me, it's hard to keep sober when someone gives you that out. You know what I mean?
Sorry, just had to get that out. Only on my 6th day. Needing to vent a bit.
Congrats on 3 weeks! And Congrats on doing it for you!! I'm with ya!
My recovering addict husband asked me why I quit drinking. I said, "Because I drink too much". He says he didn't think I had a problem.....Helloooooo, we've been together for 12 years.
Anyway, I don't lie to him, or bend the truth, but for me, it's hard to keep sober when someone gives you that out. You know what I mean?
Sorry, just had to get that out. Only on my 6th day. Needing to vent a bit.
Congrats on 3 weeks! And Congrats on doing it for you!! I'm with ya!
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by TryingSoHard 
Wow, I think I would have been caught totally off guard if my spouse asked me that. I don't know about the bending the truth part, but I'm really glad to hear you say that your motivation is you. If your motivation was anything else, you'd have a really hard road ahead of you (even harder than it has been - lol).
No one can make you drink, and no one can make you quit. You have to make your choices for yourself.
Congrats on the 3 weeks.
No one can make you drink, and no one can make you quit. You have to make your choices for yourself.
Congrats on the 3 weeks.
It takes what it takes to get here but ultimately you've got to do this for yourself or it won't stick, I believe anyway. Way to go!
:ghug3
Moving out of Limbo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Today
Posts: 343
That's great news about your sobriety, Hardwired. Congratulations.
You obviously did it for you, which is a great thing, so why not let your wife know that? So to answer your question, I think you should tell her.
You obviously did it for you, which is a great thing, so why not let your wife know that? So to answer your question, I think you should tell her.
uʍop ǝpısdn
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: California
Posts: 422
Originally Posted by James13
That's great news about your sobriety, Hardwired. Congratulations.
You obviously did it for you, which is a great thing, so why not let your wife know that? So to answer your question, I think you should tell her.
You obviously did it for you, which is a great thing, so why not let your wife know that? So to answer your question, I think you should tell her.
And I am so glad I am doing this for myself, if it was any other way I wouldn't be able to do it.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
The more of these posts I read the more I realize that not only are we doing it for ourselves BUT we are also doing it for our spouses and other family members also. She will be so happy that you say you are doing it for yourself too because as you said if you were doing it for her only you would probably be less successful.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Great job staying sober for 3 weeks! That's wonderful. I agree that only other alcoholics can understand what a miracle that is.
In the beginning, I did get sober for my husband. I hated myself with a black, loathing, passion. I just couldn't find the power in my own self for sobriety. I wanted to annihilate myself, not save myself. But I couldn't stand hurting my husband. And that's what launched me.
After about 3 months, I looked up and realized I was doing it for myself. I finally felt worth being on the planet and I was curious about what life would look like if I stayed.
I think your interaction with your wife is a great opportunity. It's an opportunity to thank her for being a beautiful PART of your reason for staying sober, and to thank her for putting up with you as a drunk. And also an opportunity to educate her about how strong and lasting sobriety comes from a deep committment inside you. It has to be about you at its core, I think.
Anyway, I'm glad you're here at SR. Yours is a good voice here - strong and interesting. And I'm proud of your 3 weeks. Good job!
In the beginning, I did get sober for my husband. I hated myself with a black, loathing, passion. I just couldn't find the power in my own self for sobriety. I wanted to annihilate myself, not save myself. But I couldn't stand hurting my husband. And that's what launched me.
After about 3 months, I looked up and realized I was doing it for myself. I finally felt worth being on the planet and I was curious about what life would look like if I stayed.
I think your interaction with your wife is a great opportunity. It's an opportunity to thank her for being a beautiful PART of your reason for staying sober, and to thank her for putting up with you as a drunk. And also an opportunity to educate her about how strong and lasting sobriety comes from a deep committment inside you. It has to be about you at its core, I think.
Anyway, I'm glad you're here at SR. Yours is a good voice here - strong and interesting. And I'm proud of your 3 weeks. Good job!
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