firestorm090

Sometimes I just want to rip the top of my head off, pull out a few chunks and hopefully rearrange my thinking just enough to stop the urges from occupying all of my brain space. I mean, come on, I just got totally polluted last night, came here feeling like a total bonehead, now, here I am, a few hours later constantly thinking bout having a drink. The real crazy part is that the only real things that screw up my life in any way are related to my consumption of alcohol. You would think a reasonably sharp guy would have figured this out eons ago, yet here I am, just like every other day, thinking, well, tossing back a few won't hurt. Here's another absolutely crazy thing, I'm sitting here reading about people struggling just like I am, yet my thoughts are, after I read this, maybe I'll get my keys and wallet back with some lame excuse, then run out to pound a couple real quick. Thank goodness my friend, that I gave my keys and wallet to earlier today is sharp enough to see through my bull__it, and has agreed not to relinquish my keys for anything other than a verifiable emergency. I really may have to consider a padded room for awhile.

TryingSoHard

Stick around. Keep reading. Join a chat. SOMEthing. ANYthing. But don't go drink.

The thoughts DO eventually stop - or at least slow down and get much quieter - but it takes time. Hang in there. We'll help.

Impurrfect

Yeah, they do stop, but it takes time. It's just your mind and body wanting what it thinks will relieve it. Just remind yourself of all the bad stuff that comes after the initial "relief" and do what trying said...do anything BUT drink in the meantime.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

firestorm090

The real crazy part is that the only real things that screw up my life in any way are related to my consumption of alcohol.

After reading my own post, I thought this particular line is off the mark. Although most of my present problems are in some way alcohol related, it seems that there is more to the story than I'm aware at this time. So, I amend my initial statement to mean that most of my present problems are in some way related to my drinking.

Well, what can you expect from a mind that's been pickled with booze for so many years. Now, if I could only remember what I was going to say. Huh.

Thanks Amy and TryingSoHard! I sure am glad you are both there, cause my thinking gets screwy real quick.

Fubarcdn

Don't listen to your alcoholic voice Firestorm. Remember the bad things that resulted from drinking and try to shut out that voice that says it would be so good to get buzzed. It is lying to you and you know it.

firestorm090

Hey Fubarcdn and Phaleron,

Here's lookin' at you kids, (as he lifts his glass of tea.) You are both totally right, and for tonight I am just not a gonna have one of em air drinks, lol. I'm staying put, working on a couple of things that need attention, then will settle down to a good book or movie, depending on my abiltity to concentrate. Thanks for the guidance. "I'm with you guys now".

TTOSBT

Ya know firestorm, your messed up alcoholic brain is just like ours.
When I first got sober I could not stay home at night. My drinking was always after work, when I got home, in the kitchen while I cooked dinner. It was two weeks before I could cook a meal without drinking. My family had to eat crockpot meals or eat out. Then when I ventured back into the kitchen, I made my kids help me make dinners because I used to chase them out to drink. The point I am trying to get at is that I had to change everything. I had to completely change my schedule. Instead of coming straight home I would go wander the malls, I joined the gym, I went to AA meetings, etc. Because along with the physical withdrawals from the alcohol, you have to get out of the HABIT of drinking. It is a process but eventually I had to go through some really happy times without drinking and really hard times without drinking to convince myself I could live my life sober. AA and SR have been lifesavers to me. I also spent a lot of time researching the disease, etc. Whatever works for you, do it.

Keep at it!

Impurrfect

My DOC was crack, and I remember the times when it was ALL I could think about....drove me crazy. I had to, basically, put myself on house arrest. Back then, I wasn't a member of SR, so I played a lot of solitaire on the computer, smoked a ton of cigarettes and watched some mindless TV.

I'm glad that those thoughts are very rare, these days. BTW, I think you did great to have someone keep your wallet and keys...very smart!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

firestorm090

Thanks TTOSBT,

Considering the fog in my head, it took me a bit to figure out what TTSOBT means, lol.
Tonight, I'm doing just that, staying clear of the bars, and being true to myself for at least tonight. I actually cooked a really tasty roast in the crockpot this afternoon, to have something to do, and my friend, who is staying here to help me detox, is having some as I type this. It sure turned out good. Thank God for crockpots!!

nobodyknows

tasty

firestorm090

Thanks Amy,

I tried crack in the 90's, but booze was much cheaper and legal. It's a killer, just the same, so I'm kinda hybernating myself for the next few days and am not answering the phone either. I know a couple of my drinking buds will call, so they'll just have to leave a message. I may not call them for a long time, but for now that phone is staying put.

TTOSBT

Have you "outed" yourself to these buddies? It makes things easier when people know so they stop asking you to drink. Some people choose not to but I know for me, it helped to get rid of all the reservations...

coffeenut

You're okay.

Before I quit drinking I would sob every morning I woke up because I wanted to quit soo bad...but it was just easier to drink.

That was 8 months ago this week. I have Never in my life felt better. Ever. Yeah...I still have days where I'd like to pull my hair out...EVERYONE does...but now when that happens, I always say to myself.....could be worse, I could be drunk.

Keep coming to SR. It does work.

NewBeginning010

I had to laugh at the "Here's lookin' at you kids, (as he lifts his glass of tea.)" part.

You can do this {lifts cup of tea back}

;-)

justalittleone

Way to go, Firestorm! This is day two for us, then, together we go...

Bard

They are a pain and some of the biggest problems we all run into. But I find the longer I stay sober the more disgusted and almost nauseated I get when I start thinking of putting that poison in my system. What really helped for me was to quit romanticizing the past when it was "fun" Now I look back and just see a bunch of wasted time that I did nothing with but get drunk all the time.